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AIBU?

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Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 03/10/2023 11:16

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:14

He was unreasonable to expect her to welcome someone into the house that early in the morning, at 10 mins or so notice, even if he had made sure the house was spotless last night! He should have explained that this was not the time he thought he was agreeing too and that later in the day suited everyone better. OP is being made out to be the bad person here, when it's really not her fault at all!

Show quote history

True, however he won’t just have had this one house to go and value, he probably had lots and was probably starting in the op’s area. I could sympathise with the op entirely if she had not left him waiting outside for 45 minutes. I’m sure he would have understood if she explained to him that she was told midday and that she is still in bed and has a baby to feed and could he either come back later or reschedule for a time that is more appropriate.

Sunnydays0101 · 03/10/2023 11:16

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 11:11

Texts are as follows:

DP: The valuer is coming between 8am and 9am. I won’t be back in time.

Me: Eh?! I’m still in bed, I’ve no idea how I’m going to manage that, the baby is also screaming for food.

DP: You don’t need to get yourself ready just concentrate on the house, it needs to be tidy.

If my DH had sent that last message to me, my reply would be that our 4 week old baby was my priority, he can tidy the house himself and it’s not convenient for me to have anyone calling to the house at this time of the day. You may re-schedule if you can’t be here yourself.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:17

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:15

She simply needed to open the door, rather than leave him standing outside for 45 minutes. That is rude and unjustified. OP could have even said “hey, can you just give me 10 mins, will be right back” or let him in whilst she finishes up.

It was a miscommunication from OP’s partner, but leaving the valuer standing outside for so long was unnecessary.

Show quote history

Or DP 'simply needed' to tell valuer that this was not a suitable time.

User57632678374 · 03/10/2023 11:18

How bizarre. You knew valuer was there because your partner told you. Valuer had communicated they were there with said partner who had presumably acknowledged this so didn’t feel they needed to bang on the door too. Why didn’t you just open the door yourself and ask them to come back later? Confused

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:18

littlebopeepp234 · 03/10/2023 11:16

True, however he won’t just have had this one house to go and value, he probably had lots and was probably starting in the op’s area. I could sympathise with the op entirely if she had not left him waiting outside for 45 minutes. I’m sure he would have understood if she explained to him that she was told midday and that she is still in bed and has a baby to feed and could he either come back later or reschedule for a time that is more appropriate.

Show quote history

None of this was OP's responsibility - DP has been arranging it all and suddenly when it doesn't work out it's OP's problem?

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:18

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:17

Or DP 'simply needed' to tell valuer that this was not a suitable time.

Edited
Show quote history

Either way - OP left the man hanging outside. Having a newborn doesn’t excuse you from having manners.

OP’s AIBU isn’t about the timing of the appointment. It’s about the valuer not knocking on the door.

thirdfiddle · 03/10/2023 11:19

Miscommunication. You thought wait a bit meant come back in an hour (and knock), he thought wait a bit meant wait 5 minutes on the doorstep. He was probably trying to be nice not ringing the bell to not wake the baby.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/10/2023 11:19

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 11:11

Texts are as follows:

DP: The valuer is coming between 8am and 9am. I won’t be back in time.

Me: Eh?! I’m still in bed, I’ve no idea how I’m going to manage that, the baby is also screaming for food.

DP: You don’t need to get yourself ready just concentrate on the house, it needs to be tidy.

My dh would have got a resounding "fuck off" if he sent that to me. How dare he put the tidiness of the house onto you when his newborn needed feeding and you are literally focused on that and getting yourself up and dressed.

Butchyrestingface · 03/10/2023 11:19

The husband is hugely at fault. But I can't believe people are defending the OP not even opening the door to someone she knew was there.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:20

Butchyrestingface · 03/10/2023 11:19

The husband is hugely at fault. But I can't believe people are defending the OP not even opening the door to someone she knew was there.

I cannot believe people are thinking it's her problem - DP was arranging it all so it's up to him to be there/arrange a time that suits both of them!

Mikimoto · 03/10/2023 11:20

So you knew the valuer was coming at some point today?
Maybe start getting up a bit before 8 o'clock?...

NeedToChangeName · 03/10/2023 11:20

I don't think this was very well handled by anyone

I think you would have been better to answer the door, explain to valuer and ask if they can wait 10 mins for you to get dressed, or come back later, if they had other jobs nearby that could be brought forward

YABU to keep a professional waiting on your doorstep for 45 mins

Mari9999 · 03/10/2023 11:22

@PottyPet
Your husband alerted you to the fact that the appraiser was at your home waiting to be let into the house. It is a bit disingenuous to claim that you did not know that he was there.

A screaming baby was hardly a reason to leave him outside. The impression given is probably that you may not be very diligent in dealing with home maintenance issues if you could not manage a opening a door because of a screaming baby. If you are moving into listing mode, you should keep your house in a state where it could be viewed at any time.

Spinninggyro · 03/10/2023 11:22

I think a lot of the comments here are completely unreasonable.
Many of the posters must have had a baby but have clearly forgotten those first few weeks. You would need to be Mary Poppins to tidy up a family home with a new baby and older children with very little notice first thing in the morning.

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:22

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:20

I cannot believe people are thinking it's her problem - DP was arranging it all so it's up to him to be there/arrange a time that suits both of them!

Show quote history

And you’ve never been in a situation where you plan for someone to come round at a certain time, and they come round earlier or later than expected?

It happens. Her partner was out on the school run and the valuer showed up earlier than either of them expected. Whose fault, not completely clear, but it happens. You adapt and respond as necessary rather than refusing to answer the door and then, as you suggest, claim it’s nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:23

Mikimoto · 03/10/2023 11:20

So you knew the valuer was coming at some point today?
Maybe start getting up a bit before 8 o'clock?...

What supportive advice to give someone with a 4 week old baby. 🙄

Butchyrestingface · 03/10/2023 11:23

I cannot believe people are thinking it's her problem - DP was arranging it all so it's up to him to be there/arrange a time that suits both of them!

Then I think she should have been upfront in telling her husband to FUCK OFF and open the door to tell the valuer much the same (but far more pleasantly).

What she did instead was a bit 🤯. Fully agree the husband is a tit.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/10/2023 11:23

Mikimoto · 03/10/2023 11:20

So you knew the valuer was coming at some point today?
Maybe start getting up a bit before 8 o'clock?...

She was told around 1pm. By her husband. Who himself was home by 8.45am so would have been able to sort the house out then.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 11:24

User57632678374 · 03/10/2023 11:18

How bizarre. You knew valuer was there because your partner told you. Valuer had communicated they were there with said partner who had presumably acknowledged this so didn’t feel they needed to bang on the door too. Why didn’t you just open the door yourself and ask them to come back later? Confused

Because her partner had told her to tidy up and let him in. I imagine if he’s enough of an entitled arse to ask that, he’d be very pissed off to hear the OP told the EA to go away instead. The op was trying to sort everything and it went badly, she absolutely should have told the EA it wasn’t a good time, but she should have told her partner no to start with and not become the fall guy for his fuck up.

Janiie · 03/10/2023 11:25

Op tell your stupid dp you'll organise valuations to suit you from now on as you're the one at home.

I've no idea who these alleged professional are who wait outside a property ringing up people who aren't even in the property to announce their arrival instead of knocking on the door or even ringing a doorbell.

You are not being remotely unreasonable op.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:25

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:22

And you’ve never been in a situation where you plan for someone to come round at a certain time, and they come round earlier or later than expected?

It happens. Her partner was out on the school run and the valuer showed up earlier than either of them expected. Whose fault, not completely clear, but it happens. You adapt and respond as necessary rather than refusing to answer the door and then, as you suggest, claim it’s nothing whatsoever to do with you.

Show quote history

If someone turns up (a lot earlier) than planned, then sorry, but they might well have to wait. Again, DP is the issue here, not OP. Whoever does bookings at the valuation company also needs to realise that 8 or 9 am is not a suitable time to suggest to someone who asked for 1pm.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 11:25

Mikimoto · 03/10/2023 11:20

So you knew the valuer was coming at some point today?
Maybe start getting up a bit before 8 o'clock?...

Jesus Christ…

Dnendns · 03/10/2023 11:26

It’s all your fault and completely ridiculous to not get the house ready the night before.

Oooooooooooo1 · 03/10/2023 11:26

You should have asked them to come back, it's for your convenience too.
I wouldn't want them in the house before I'm ready either .8 o'clock is too early for a house call when you've got a baby. Go with another agent if they've got the hump, you didn't confirm the time , they shouldn't assume its OK

hellohelp · 03/10/2023 11:27

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 10:03

Some odd and overly dramatic responses on this thread. So OP was sleep deprived and didn't handle it in the best way but sometimes we don't think straight in those early days when we aren't getting enough sleep. Maybe she felt really anxious about someone coming into the house then. What she did is hardly 'astonishingly rude'. What happened to the valuer is not a big deal, he will go on and live another day and value many a house completely unscathed by the incident. All is not lost! Give her a break (she has a 4 week old baby remember!) as this has become a nasty pile on.

Yes I'm in agreement with this
There are some very aggressive posters replying to this thread like it was them who had to wait 45 minutes

Congratulations on your newborn op xx

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