It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

[PottyPet]

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

Good for you. I was only just out of hospital and on medication that made me feel faint and dizzy for two to three hours after taking it.

Not every one is the same.

Could you have opened a door though? I’m thinking yes.

Or, you know, when you’re in a relationship, you support and assist one another rather than take the view of “even though I live in your house, selling it has nothing whatsoever to do with me”.

I thought it’s meant to be a partnership rather than a transaction?

If you were expecting someone at 1ish, I’d blame your partner for fixing it so early. At the very least he should have rescheduled immediately once he found out it was 8am if he didn’t know already. If the estate agent couldn’t make a later time today, there’s always another day - or another estate agent. I’m sure they’d try to make it work to get your business. I’d have opened the door once you knew they were there and said to the agent ‘I’m really sorry there’s been a mix up and I wasn’t expecting you so early, please can we reschedule for a different time/day?’ ie taken back the initiative. Presumably it’s a local agent, so they shouldn’t have had to come too far.

Well said.
I'd say that @Thewizardbinbag 's experience is more at the extreme end of experiences, especially in the UK. There's no way I would have been welcoming early morning visitors when my baby was that young! OP is getting a really hard time here, what happened to being supportive to new mothers? Ah yes, it's more fun for some to be nasty.

Previous reply from the op

’All I knew was that I got a text at 7.50am from DP saying a valuer was between 8am and 9am and the house needed to be sorted. ‘

It is supposed to be a partnership, but the OP's partner doesn't seem to have got that memo given that he arranged a valuation with no input from the OP and then fucked off for work in the morning without having got the house ready for the valuation the night before.

He would have been unreasonable not to get the house ready the night before even if the valuer had turned up at lunchtime as expected.

Lots of drip feeding by OP, so I’m sceptical about her later updates!

Right, but it seems OP's partner isn't taking that approach when it comes to understanding OP's life post-birth and with a relatively newborn baby?

Exactly. There’s being in a partnership and there’s unreasonable expectations. This one certainly falls into the latter category.

Because the valuer showed up earlier than expected?

What a rubbish start to your day! I appreciate that your partner only saw the email at 7.50am but he was totally out of order to stop you from opening the door and telling the agent it wasn't a suitable time. I'd have told your partner to sod off!
You'd been up all night, was still in bed with a tiny baby who then became fractious and your partner told you to sort the house?! I know what I'd have told him!
And like you said, you had no idea if he was on the doorstep (surely he'd have knocked?) was sat in his car down the road or having a coffee in the cafe. Yes, you could have opened the door and told him he'd have to wait but if he wasn't there, were you expected to wander the neighbourhood looking for someone who you don't even know?!
It's a rubbish situation but your partner shouldn't be angry with you! Was he up all night with the baby?

No, because he didn't get his own house ready for the valuation.

Highly doubt there had been no discussions about selling the house and valuations.

And it’s a valuation, not a viewing. House doesn’t need to be tidy! Someone pops in, walks around in 2 minutes and then leaves - hardly a chore.

Of all the wrongs in this, the valuer not knocking doesn't even feature.

Seems to be placing the blame for this mess up on the valuer, who made an appointment in good faith and then tried to be sensitive and work with the customer when he arrived (ie not waking the newborn with knocking, waiting patiently when asked).

This is mostly on your partner who insisted on an appointment time you had flagged as not being suitable.

Texts are as follows:

DP: The valuer is coming between 8am and 9am. I won’t be back in time.

Me: Eh?! I’m still in bed, I’ve no idea how I’m going to manage that, the baby is also screaming for food.

DP: You don’t need to get yourself ready just concentrate on the house, it needs to be tidy.

Then his text should have read, "OP, the valuer wants to come between 8 and 9. Can you let him in? Don't worry about tidying up, he'll have to take us as he finds us."

Not, "The valuer will be here in 10 minutes, you need to sort the house out."

That was completely on the partner to sort. It’s his appointment, his house, his cockup about the time. Instead of cancelling he decided to frazzle a his sleep deprived partner dealing with a screaming newborn and told her to sort the house out at the same time. That’s not a fair partnership expectation.

I'd have said no cancel and rebook. But failing that if I was told he was outside I would have fed baby, changed nappy, got dressed and let him in. I wouldn't assume he had left. And yes I'd be annoyed if someone left me waiting 45 min

You're amazingly unreasonable! You've wasted nearly an hour of a professional's time because you hadn't bothered to tidy up? No one is valuing the state of your fucking hoovering.

He was unreasonable to expect her to welcome someone into the house that early in the morning, at 10 mins or so notice, even if he had made sure the house was spotless last night! He should have explained that this was not the time he thought he was agreeing too and that later in the day suited everyone better. OP is being made out to be the bad person here, when it's really not her fault at all!

Why the need to be so rude?

Her partner wasted an hour of the estate agents time because he didn’t double check the appointment or clean his own house before they came around.

She simply needed to open the door, rather than leave him standing outside for 45 minutes. That is rude and unjustified. OP could have even said “hey, can you just give me 10 mins, will be right back” or let him in whilst she finishes up.

It was a miscommunication from OP’s partner, but leaving the valuer standing outside for so long was unnecessary.

This.