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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 11:28

Janiie · 03/10/2023 11:25

Op tell your stupid dp you'll organise valuations to suit you from now on as you're the one at home.

I've no idea who these alleged professional are who wait outside a property ringing up people who aren't even in the property to announce their arrival instead of knocking on the door or even ringing a doorbell.

You are not being remotely unreasonable op.

Some PPs have suggested that the valuer didn't knock because he'd been told there was a newborn baby in the house and that the OP knew he was there and would let him in as soon as she was ready. Perhaps the valuer knows what it is like to have a newborn baby and was trying to be nice. But if I received a message like that from the person not in the house, I think I would have said, "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to reschedule? I don't have any more appointment slots today but how about next week?"

Sitting outside for 45 minutes is a bit wet.

followmyflow · 03/10/2023 11:29

dp asked you to tidy the house at 7:50am?! arsehole.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:29

Dnendns · 03/10/2023 11:26

It’s all your fault and completely ridiculous to not get the house ready the night before.

It’s all your DP's fault and completely ridiculous for him not to help to not get the house ready the night before, and also advise that this was not a good time.

Original poster
PottyPet · 03/10/2023 11:29

I didn’t know whether the valuer was on the doorstep, in his car, in a cafe, gone off to another appointment in the meantime, gone to answer emails. I had no communication with him. I was just told he was there and to let him in - but DP had also said to him I needed some time to sort myself, the house and the baby. I assumed he would knock or make himself known when he needed to come in, as the appointment was between 8am and 9am and he showed up at 8am.

As it turns out, he was sat in his car on the street outside, not stood on the doorstep. You can’t park directly outside our house as it’s on a main road, so he must have been a few doors down. Even if I’d have glanced out of the window to check if he was there I wouldn’t have seen him anyway.

OP posts:
ActDottie · 03/10/2023 11:30

I think YABU.

I don’t understand why the house has to be ready for a valuation? For photos or viewings yes… but for a valuation it does t really matter. Our house was a tip when our valuer came round and was in no way sale ready but we just explained which bits wouldn’t be there when there were viewers etc.

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:30

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:25

If someone turns up (a lot earlier) than planned, then sorry, but they might well have to wait. Again, DP is the issue here, not OP. Whoever does bookings at the valuation company also needs to realise that 8 or 9 am is not a suitable time to suggest to someone who asked for 1pm.

Show quote history

Yep, it was unreasonable for the company to book it first thing and not tell her partner in advance (assuming that is what happened). But these things happen and it’s hardly the end of the world. But she knew he was there and her excuse for not answering the door was that he didn’t knock. That’s a crap excuse.

But it’s very odd to take the view “not my house, not my sale, nothing to do with me” when you’re in a relationship living in the house together. Presumably OP then has no rights on anything to do with the house and lives as a guest if that’s the view she should be taking.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 11:30

Dnendns · 03/10/2023 11:26

It’s all your fault and completely ridiculous to not get the house ready the night before.

Is exactly what she should say to her partner I agree.

PinkMoscatoLover · 03/10/2023 11:30

Mate you’re being so U here and yes I’ve read all your comments

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:31

PinkMoscatoLover · 03/10/2023 11:30

Mate you’re being so U here and yes I’ve read all your comments

Reasons why?
Is it not DP's fault if you look a bit more closely?

margotrose · 03/10/2023 11:31

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - I wouldn't be happy if someone turned up to an appointment four hours early and wanted to be let in with ten minutes notice, especially at that time of the morning.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:34

Yep, it was unreasonable for the company to book it first thing and not tell her partner in advance (assuming that is what happened). But these things happen and it’s hardly the end of the world. But she knew he was there and her excuse for not answering the door was that he didn’t knock. That’s a crap excuse.

It wouldn't be the end of the world for DP to have to tell valuer that this isn't a good time, nor would it be the end of the world for the valuer to have to reschedule. DP put her in this awkward position!

Janiie · 03/10/2023 11:34

Why didn't they knock or ring though, why were they ringing people up? Have estate agents not heard of the common practise of knocking on doors. What a strange way to conduct oneself.

Clarich007 · 03/10/2023 11:36

The valuer was barmy for waiting about for 45 minutes!!
Surely this has happened before to him.He should have knocked on the door or got in touch with the husband to rearrange the appointment

DelightfullyDotty · 03/10/2023 11:37

I don’t understand these replies at all. 8am is too early full stop…viewings should surely be done during office hours.

The main thing I take from your post is that you’re being treated with huge disrespect by your DP and the agent. And although IHRTFT I don’t see anyone recognising that. No one should be expecting you to race around for them and good for you for standing your ground.

You perhaps should have answered and said that the timing wasn’t appropriate but no one wants visitors when they’ve just got out of bed. The estate agent is working for you - you don’t owe him anything.

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:37

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:34

Yep, it was unreasonable for the company to book it first thing and not tell her partner in advance (assuming that is what happened). But these things happen and it’s hardly the end of the world. But she knew he was there and her excuse for not answering the door was that he didn’t knock. That’s a crap excuse.

It wouldn't be the end of the world for DP to have to tell valuer that this isn't a good time, nor would it be the end of the world for the valuer to have to reschedule. DP put her in this awkward position!

Funny how your responses to me are simply turning what I said around on to the DP rather than explaining why OP was in the right… Just because someone else could have done something differently, doesn’t make OP’s behaviour any less unreasonable.

I got to get on with my work and stop procrastinating on MN. Will be back later!

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 03/10/2023 11:37

Well you’ve all been unreasonable. The valuer for asking what appointment you wanted and then booking it for 8am, you DP for not helping you tidy up last night and then expecting you to do it in 10 minutes and you for expecting him to knock when your DP had told him that you’d let him in when you were ready.

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 11:37

I think if he had knocked that would still have been a problem for the OP.

This is just a minor inconvenience and just one of those things that happens some times. Some posters are being so dramatic about it.

GuinnessBird · 03/10/2023 11:37

If my DP told me to fuck off I'd be removing him from the house.

Lavender14 · 03/10/2023 11:39

Trying to get ready and the house in order with a tiny baby is really stressful and 10 minutes notice would have thrown me into a complete tiz as well, but it's not reasonable to leave the valuer waiting outside for nearly an hour. You should have let him in to see things as they were. Most people who have had tiny babies understand the house takes a back seat when they arrive especially in the early weeks. It sounds like you were just in a total flap and that made you make an unreasonable choice in the heat of the moment.

user1497207191 · 03/10/2023 11:40

Why would he knock? He'd told you (your OH) he was outside, and he'd been told to wait until you were ready. You knew he was there, YOU should have opened the door and waved to him when you were finally ready for him!

gannett · 03/10/2023 11:41

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 11:20

I cannot believe people are thinking it's her problem - DP was arranging it all so it's up to him to be there/arrange a time that suits both of them!

Show quote history

It became her problem because she was the only adult in the house and therefore her choice was a binary "open the door and either let the valuer in or tell him politely to come back another time" or "rudely ignore him even though you know perfectly well he's waiting there, and waste a professional's time for 45 minutes".

The former is not remotely hard, baby or not.

Just because her partner had perhaps cocked up the timing doesn't give anyone licence to absolve themselves from someone knocking at the door right then and there.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 03/10/2023 11:41

PinkMoscatoLover · 03/10/2023 11:30

Mate you’re being so U here and yes I’ve read all your comments

For what? Not thinking clearly four weeks postpartum and simply texting back, “No – you need to cancel and rearrange for a more suitable time with more notice”. Or answering the door with a crying baby and a leaky boob and saying, “Sorry, you’ve been booked for an inconvenient time, my husband will ring the office to rearrange”.

Four weeks is still “a bomb has gone off” territory – mentally, physically, emotionally, undercarriagedly – not, “right, I’ll let him in and leave him to it while I feed and settle this howling goblin; not ideal but why put my own needs first ever”.

The only U person here is the DH texting that she needs to focus on tidying the house instead of saying “shit, the valuer has ballsed up, if he knocks, tell him I’ve asked to rearrange the time: sorry!”

Ohhbaby · 03/10/2023 11:42

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 10:03

Some odd and overly dramatic responses on this thread. So OP was sleep deprived and didn't handle it in the best way but sometimes we don't think straight in those early days when we aren't getting enough sleep. Maybe she felt really anxious about someone coming into the house then. What she did is hardly 'astonishingly rude'. What happened to the valuer is not a big deal, he will go on and live another day and value many a house completely unscathed by the incident. All is not lost! Give her a break (she has a 4 week old baby remember!) as this has become a nasty pile on.

I don't mind the fact that she didnt handle it perfectly. Like you said, a 4 week baby, sleep deprived, we all make mistakes. My problem is with her not owning up to it.
'awgh I made such a booboo, the gane came way earlier than expected. My bf let me know he is here, but will wait a few minutes. On my whole sleep deprived Ness, I waited for him to knock, and never went to check. In hindsight he was being nice, bf let him know that I'm sorting the baby out so he did not want to be obnoxious and knock, but waited patiently for me to open, which I never did.
I feel like such a knob for letting a man wait outside my house for 45 min. Wasting his time. I mean it was an inconvenient time and all, but poor man! I wish I thought more clearly. '
No, none of that. Just but he didn't knockkkkk!!

Passepartoute · 03/10/2023 11:42

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:53

I was waiting for him to knock. I assumed that as he hadn’t, DP either must have contacted him again or he was doing something else and it wasn’t urgent for him to come in ASAP. As he’d said between 8am and 9am, perhaps he didn’t mind waiting until closer to 9am?

My work involves visiting people’s houses, I wouldn’t just wait like a lemon for 45 minutes. I’d knock and find out what’s going on, failing that I’d be gone to my next appointment after 15 minutes!

But you'd been asked to let him in and you knew he was outside. Why would you not open the door when you'd been asked to do so?

The valuer wouldn't care about how tidy the house was, and you could have let him get on with it while you fed the baby.

DelightfullyDotty · 03/10/2023 11:43

The lesson here op is to trust your own judgement. Don’t seek the validation of people on MN because they won’t give it unless it goes along with the MN narrative. Honestly, this place is bonkers!