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AIBU?

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Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
EaudeJavel · 03/10/2023 10:45

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 10:42

The unreasonable one here is DP - it should have been arranged with more notice for you and for a time that suited you better.

How much notice do you need? The day before was enough surely?

He's trying to sell his own house, if they needed to replaster a wall or hide structural issues, he would have planned for time.

If people want to sell, they hurry to get everything ready. December is not a great time, things tend to come to a near-stop and pick up again after boxing day, they don't have that much time until then.

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 10:47

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:29

@MargotBamborough he thought they were coming at midday.

At least now I know the house doesn’t need to be pristine for valuations. As I said, I’ve never sold a house, bought a house or had valuations before. DP told me to sort the house out, so I was doing it in line with how I’ve done it in the past for viewings.

So he thought he would leave you to sort it in the morning when you have a newborn?

He STILL should have sorted the house out the night before even if they had come at midday, because it was his job to do so.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/10/2023 10:47

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:43

Why should the op have done it? She’s recently given birth and wasn’t the one who’d arranged the appointment. She was also not expecting the agent to give 10 minutes notice (regardless of this being a huge drip feed). The op is being blamed for a lot of this cockup when the expectation on her was ridiculous in reality. Actually reality, not the MN version where women imagine themselves to be Kate Middleton straight after birth…

Show quote history

I don’t think anybody really disagrees with the fact OP shouldn’t have had to do it, what everyone is saying is that it’s not the valuers fault for not knocking and that the valuer should not have been left on the door step for 45 minutes.

OP’s partner should have checked the appointment time booked before 07.50am on the day, OP’s partner or OP should have just said to the valuer the time was a mistake and it should be 1pm so can’t do 8am, either both of them or just OP’s partner should have sorted the house the day before if they wanted it spotless for the valuation. Should it have been left to OP to sort the house with a baby, no, however that’s got nothing to do with the valuer knocking or not knocking, hence if you want to be annoyed at someone, make it the partner. They didn’t clean or help sort the house the day before, they didn’t bother checking the appointment confirmation until the day of, and they insisted on it being done at that time despite the mistake. These are partner’s mistake, not the valuers.

DragonDoor · 03/10/2023 10:47

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 09:48

I would never have agreed to the change in time.
Your partner should just have said - sorry but that is not doable.

Edited

This

fridaynight1 · 03/10/2023 10:48

Why is it up to your DP to decide? He even wasn’t even there. Surely you have some say in selling your own home?
I think I would have probably popped my head out of the door and explained the mix up and nicely sent him on his way with a request to reschedule. I wouldn’t have left him standing on the doorstep.

rachelgreen23 · 03/10/2023 10:49

Ummm, your husband told you to let him in, and you didn't. I'd say the valuer was pretty decent in waiting outside without knocking. I wouldn't have extended that courtesy and I'm not surprised your husband is pissed off.

Also, the valuer would have been able to see past the messiness and the crying baby. I'm struggling to understand why you didn't just let them in and apologise for the mess. I'm sure they wouldn't have cared less.

2Hot2Handle · 03/10/2023 10:49

YANBU.
The values made the mistake here, but booking in the wrong time. When the valuer spoke to your partner on the day, your partner could have told him that a mistake had been made and that this time doesn’t suit.

No damage done, though. Book a valuation with a different estate agent and ensure they clear on the time that is acceptable, then keep an eye out for the booking confirmation.

SafferUpNorth · 03/10/2023 10:49

Your DH was being unreasonable for thinking that's an OK time to get someone round! I feel for you, you were put in a very difficult position.

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2023 10:50

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:53

I was waiting for him to knock. I assumed that as he hadn’t, DP either must have contacted him again or he was doing something else and it wasn’t urgent for him to come in ASAP. As he’d said between 8am and 9am, perhaps he didn’t mind waiting until closer to 9am?

My work involves visiting people’s houses, I wouldn’t just wait like a lemon for 45 minutes. I’d knock and find out what’s going on, failing that I’d be gone to my next appointment after 15 minutes!

Why did your idiot DP not think that the house needs getting into reasonable order before booking a valuation?

And why didn't he help make sure that was the case?

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2023 10:51

And, just checking, as you say 'partner', do you both own the house?

ASCCM · 03/10/2023 10:51

I don’t understand why your house wasn’t ready before you went to bed last night???? It’s just madness you would have left it all to today and leaving someone outside for that long is just rude!!

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:52

Mrsttcno1 · 03/10/2023 10:47

I don’t think anybody really disagrees with the fact OP shouldn’t have had to do it, what everyone is saying is that it’s not the valuers fault for not knocking and that the valuer should not have been left on the door step for 45 minutes.

OP’s partner should have checked the appointment time booked before 07.50am on the day, OP’s partner or OP should have just said to the valuer the time was a mistake and it should be 1pm so can’t do 8am, either both of them or just OP’s partner should have sorted the house the day before if they wanted it spotless for the valuation. Should it have been left to OP to sort the house with a baby, no, however that’s got nothing to do with the valuer knocking or not knocking, hence if you want to be annoyed at someone, make it the partner. They didn’t clean or help sort the house the day before, they didn’t bother checking the appointment confirmation until the day of, and they insisted on it being done at that time despite the mistake. These are partner’s mistake, not the valuers.

Edited
Show quote history

But this is where the agent is as fault, again drip feeding really doesn’t help but they did think the appointment was booked for 1pm.

I do agree the op should have simply opened the door after 10 minutes, either to say ‘sorry about the mess come in’ or simply ‘this really isn’t a good time, we arranged or 1pm for a reason as we have a newborn and early mornings are not workable right now‘. But I remember the early days, I would absolutely have become flustered between a screaming baby, lack of sleep, someone at the door and a partner texting to say tidy up and let them in. The op could be seen as rude and still be cut some slack here.

NoTouch · 03/10/2023 10:54

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:15

Spoken to DP again.

So yesterday, the valuer phoned and asked what appointment he wanted. He mentioned around 1pm. Then an automated booking system gave us the appointment of 8am. DP only saw the appointment at 7.50am
this morning and because their offices don’t open until 8.30am, there was nothing he could do to change it.

Both you and your dp seem a bit erratic when it comes to organising and communication with others and also between each other.

EA did nothing wrong.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 10:54

EaudeJavel · 03/10/2023 10:45

How much notice do you need? The day before was enough surely?

He's trying to sell his own house, if they needed to replaster a wall or hide structural issues, he would have planned for time.

If people want to sell, they hurry to get everything ready. December is not a great time, things tend to come to a near-stop and pick up again after boxing day, they don't have that much time until then.

Show quote history

More than the ten minutes which she got - she was expecting a visit around lunchtime and suddenly it was happening pretty much now (4 ish hours earlier!).
The DP is the issue here, not the OP!

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:55

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2023 10:51

And, just checking, as you say 'partner', do you both own the house?

I’ve been wondering this, the partner is arranging the estate agent and very determined to get them around at any time, makes me wonder if the house is solely in his name.

@PottyPet is the house his or jointly owned?

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:57

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:55

I’ve been wondering this, the partner is arranging the estate agent and very determined to get them around at any time, makes me wonder if the house is solely in his name.

@PottyPet is the house his or jointly owned?

Show quote history

The OP said she has never sold or bought a house before. So she didn’t buy this house. It’s his:

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 10:58

So if the house belongs to the OP's partner, he should have sorted the house out ready for the valuation and been present to show the valuer around.

Not the OP's house, circus or monkeys.

luckylavender · 03/10/2023 10:58

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

I think you were rude

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:58

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:57

The OP said she has never sold or bought a house before. So she didn’t buy this house. It’s his:

Show quote history

Then the partner is even more unreasonable, this is his matter to sort alone and when the EA called to say there were there he should have said ‘I’m not in, I arranged for 1pm’.

TabithaTiger · 03/10/2023 10:59

So from reading your post, you knew he was coming today but no specified time arranged and he just turned up at 7.50am? How ridiculous is that?! I can't work out why he wasn't booked to come at a mutually convenient time? I don't blame you for answering the door, I wouldn't be dressed at that time and I don't even have a small baby!

Taketurn · 03/10/2023 11:00

ASCCM · 03/10/2023 10:51

I don’t understand why your house wasn’t ready before you went to bed last night???? It’s just madness you would have left it all to today and leaving someone outside for that long is just rude!!

Did you even read the thread?

Mrsttcno1 · 03/10/2023 11:00

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:52

But this is where the agent is as fault, again drip feeding really doesn’t help but they did think the appointment was booked for 1pm.

I do agree the op should have simply opened the door after 10 minutes, either to say ‘sorry about the mess come in’ or simply ‘this really isn’t a good time, we arranged or 1pm for a reason as we have a newborn and early mornings are not workable right now‘. But I remember the early days, I would absolutely have become flustered between a screaming baby, lack of sleep, someone at the door and a partner texting to say tidy up and let them in. The op could be seen as rude and still be cut some slack here.

Show quote history

But again, a confirmation of the appointment time was sent, OP’s partner just didn’t bother to check it until the morning of at which point it was too late as the office didn’t open until 8:30.

OP’s partner should have said that time didn’t work when asked, or OP could have opened the door and said that. Either way as I’ve said, this isn’t the fault of the valuer for not knocking.

cornflower21 · 03/10/2023 11:00

Jesus Christ so you let him wait 45 minutes behind the door?🫢
I'm sure people understand that house cannot be spotless if you have a tiny baby.

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 11:01

With hindsight it would have been best for OP to go to the door and ask the Real Estste Agent to reschedule for later in the day.
(Or better still for her absent husband to have done that when in communication with valuer.)
The valuer would just have moved on to the next job.

It is unreasonable for the booking app. to have made such an early time to the request of 1:00 pm.
This thread has alerted me to the importance of booking and clarifying times with a real person and making sure it suits all who are at home.

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 11:02

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:52

But this is where the agent is as fault, again drip feeding really doesn’t help but they did think the appointment was booked for 1pm.

I do agree the op should have simply opened the door after 10 minutes, either to say ‘sorry about the mess come in’ or simply ‘this really isn’t a good time, we arranged or 1pm for a reason as we have a newborn and early mornings are not workable right now‘. But I remember the early days, I would absolutely have become flustered between a screaming baby, lack of sleep, someone at the door and a partner texting to say tidy up and let them in. The op could be seen as rude and still be cut some slack here.

Show quote history

When did her partner tell her to tidy up?