It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

[PottyPet]

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

I can't believe so many people think the OP is being unreasonable. The only way she was unreasonable in my opinion, was in not telling her DP to cancel the appointment. As for estate agents dictating what time they'll call, well that is absolutely ridiculous, if they don't want to accommodate you at a mutually agreeable time, then there are plenty out there who will.

Also, for those of you who say it doesn't matter what the property looks like when the valuer comes in, you are in fact completely wrong, and it probably explains why when you look for a new home online, so many houses look like complete shit heaps. We all make up our mind about a house in the first few seconds, and if your first impression is poor, the price of the property immediately goes down in your mind. An estate agent is the same, as for all they know, if you present it in a mess to them, you'll do the same when people come to view, which means they are far less likely to sell it for top dollar. So, if you want to get the best price for your property, you should ALWAYS present it looking it's best, to EVERYONE, including surveyors etc., as it's quite possible that if they see it in a mess, even if you've agreed a sale STC, that they might down value it. It shouldn't be the case, but we're all only human, and seeing a place in a mess, generally tends to put people off. I'm sure we've all seen those programs on TV where a house has been on the market for months, and sometimes even a year or more. They send in someone who knows how to present a house properly, maybe paint a wall or two, tidy up, etc. and suddenly its' sale agreed in a couple of weeks.

It's 6 weeks no-driving after a c-section.

Guys, the baby is only 4 weeks and it's a first baby.
It just all sounds very rushed and sudden.

You've a 4wk old baby to mind who is in your arms 24/7 still.
Why could DP not have cleaned the frigging house three days ago?

Why he is telling you that 'the house needs to be tidy' when you just had an operation and a new baby 4 weeks ago?

All my house appointments have been last min or changed at last min too. That's how estate firms work, at least in my area of London. They're assholes (sometimes this includes the agent, valuer or inventory person; sometimes it doesn't and they have no choice within that system).

While I appreciate my partner taking on that mental load of juggling last min texts while out and about for me, I do agree that in this case husband could have more sympathy for postpartum wife, argued firmly to change appointment etc. So I guess we could say BU.

But also think very very odd to interpret "He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in" as "cool, he said he can wait for an hour or more indefinitely". If a visitor says they're ok to wait a bit and then I can let them in, I don't leave them hanging outside for an hour. At least check in at some point (10-15mins in?) or ask to reschedule. Everybody BU imo.

How is it a first baby? Her partner was doing the school run. Are those kids imaginary?

You are wrong about the six weeks, it not a blanket rule.

Not that it makes any difference but I missed her saying it was her step kids that were away to school

It was an inconvenience but not the end of the world.

In tears? Frantic, panicked? It was an estate agent, not the bogey man. When he let you know at 7.50am, out of bed, brush teeth, leggings on, jumper on, new nappy on baby and open the door at 8am, ‘Good Morning, sorry you’ll have to take us as you find us this morning, I had a hellish night with the baby and thought you were coming at midday so it’s a bit of a tip, tea, coffee? Mr Valuer would have said ‘It’s doesn’t need to be tidy, just want to get an idea’.

Soft YABU. It’s unreasonable to be angry at the man doing the valuation. Infact I think he was a saint for waiting for 45 minutes to accommodate a woman struggling on with a new born, and probably why he didn’t knock.

YANBU however to be angry at your DP. Given that he was arranging a valuation it should not came as a surprise that someone infact, did arrange to come and value the house. Measures should of been taken to ensure that the house was not in such a state to render it not able to be valued as your post implies (in all honesty I think I would of played the new baby card and allowed the gentleman in and took myself off to a quite room to tend to the babe. mess doesn’t take down the value of a house, your not going to leave a stack of dirty nappies when you move!!). And DP should of taken the initiative to say sorry today won’t work please can we do another time.

But the new born fog gets the best of us all. Sleep deprivation and hormones have probably left you and DP feeling a little salty! Congratulations on the little one 😊

Your DP should have had the house ready the night before, to be fair. On the flip side, 8am is a ridiculous time for an impromptu appointment.

Also, valuers tend to use the price that similar houses in the area have sold for as the basis for their value, rather than anything they see inside the house. So if you have a four bed with a conservatory, they'd be benchmarking against anything like that nearby. The valuer is mostly there to check your house isn't a total wreck or out of the norm.

The in tears thing is a bit odd. How messy is your house that you’re in years because someone is going to come into it.
You really cannot be living in something that is in that state, can you?

How bad could it be? And if it was that bad then it should have been tidied the day before.

Oh and just to add @Sehenswürdigkeiten they're working around a lot of people's schedules / rescheduling, hence why lots of last min changes. Genuinely entirely up to you if you want to accept those changes I suppose.

You are definitely BU but you have a 4 week old baby so you are allowed to be unreasonable! 😂

The "important job" WAS the school run, so I am not sure what you are ranting about. Is it not important to you?

I don’t know why people are blaming the OP here except perhaps to say she could have been more assertiv.

You have a 4 wk old and are recovering from a c section. Valuation planned for 1. There was a cock up with the booking. DP knowing OP was in bed should have told the valuer that 8am wasn’t convenient and he had booked it for 1. They needed to rearrange. DP texting the OP saying she needs to tidy up and it has to be now?! How about telling him NO? When the agent turned up, open the door and say sorry it isn’t convenient, my DP booked for 1pm so we need to rearrange.

You are a potential customer and they switched up the times. You don’t have to let them in in those circumstances.

if you were having a valuation at 1pm your DP needs to help ‘sort the house’ and not leave it to you and/or until the last minute.

Did @HMW1906 explain yet what TA means and when mumsnet added a new abbreviation? 🤔

Come on totally not the point that someone said ‘the asshole’ Reddit style rather than the equally annoying DP/DC/YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU acronyms of Mumsnet. It’s easily deciphered.

fwiw I have had 2 c sections and both times was told no driving for 6 weeks

Do you mean he just stood there for 45 minutes without knocking? 😮

A valuation is just that. Its not about getting a house ready for sale and photographed. They only look at room size and overall saleability . You should have just let him in and take the place as it was.

Its was unreasonable of your DH though to arrange this without consulting you, so I think overall his was more U

How difficult is it for the valuer to know the freaking door rather than stand there for 45 minutes???

And how difficult is it for her husband to be more understanding and not spring such an appointment 10 minutes before???

This.
Many women (think America/most developing countries) are back at work at 6 weeks. Many before.

"DP have some cop on, I had major fucking surgery a few weeks ago and have a baby to take care of - either phone and say you'll scurry your arse back asap or tell the valuer 8am doesn't bloody suit and come back as agreed between 12 and 1, automated service be damned. You made the appt, you deal with it."

Your DP is the prick here, not you and not the valuer.

Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh as you’ve got a 4 week old but this is a massive mess! I don’t understand why your DP would book a valuation for today when he only contacted them yesterday. You’ve got a child and a 4 week old baby (?) and you’ve not actually sorted the house out in preparation for this? I’d be annoyed with DP because he’s not sorted the house with you the night before and hasn’t confirmed the actual time of the appointment. Even him saying, just sort the house out… most women who are 4 weeks PP don’t want some stranger in their house whilst they sit there in their PJ’s having not been able to get a wash and dressed.

Your dp texted you and said he was at the door
how rude of you to just leave him there ,baby or no baby ,you were in the wrong

This as well yes ,definitely this