Page 13 | It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

PottyPet · 2023-10-03T08:31:14+00:00

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not. I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in. 45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready. AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

Grimchmas · 03/10/2023 12:25

But he wasn’t there, on the doorstep. How difficult is that to comprehend? This was her partner’s appointment, his communication issue. The op tidied the house and waited. She had no reason to go even more out her way than she already massively had done.

It sounds like she didn't know that until after it had all blown up. Surely if you know somebody is waiting for you to let them in you go and look, including at least popping your head out of the door to look up and down the street for any sign of them? If you've gone to the trouble of rushing around making the place presentable surely it's not that onerous to stick your head out of the door when you're ready!

(I don't disagree that she is taking the flack for her partner's fault)

Original poster

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:25

@Mikimoto

He wasn’t left on the doorstep for 45 minutes. I actually think it’s more insane to wait for 45 minutes, as a professional, with no further contact with anyone or any attempt to knock on the door. Perhaps I should have checked whether the valuer had a recent c section that prevented him from knocking?

I could have done things differently, so could DP, so could the valuer. It’s a huge miscommunication issue.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 12:26

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 12:20

He wasn’t outside the door, you seem to have come on this thread just to harass the op with what you seem to think are witty remarks. Do you have anything actually useful or even marginally intelligent to add?

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He may well have been waiting outside the door before then going to his car. You have no idea if he was in his car the entire time

Original poster

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:27

@androidnotapple The surgeon who did my c-section said no driving for 6 weeks.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 12:27

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 12:21

I am not so sure about that tbh. Some c-sections take longer to heal than others, and over exertion isn't exactly going to help in the long term.

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I’ve had too so well aware of recover. I would say that most (not all obviously) women are capable of light housework and door opening by 4 weeks and the op has not said she was physically unable to do so .

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 12:28

Two FFS

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 12:29

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:25

@Mikimoto

He wasn’t left on the doorstep for 45 minutes. I actually think it’s more insane to wait for 45 minutes, as a professional, with no further contact with anyone or any attempt to knock on the door. Perhaps I should have checked whether the valuer had a recent c section that prevented him from knocking?

I could have done things differently, so could DP, so could the valuer. It’s a huge miscommunication issue.

But honestly, what would you have done if he had chapped and you weren’t ready?

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 12:30

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:27

@androidnotapple The surgeon who did my c-section said no driving for 6 weeks.

Just out of interest, was there a particular reason he said that?

Switcher · 03/10/2023 12:30

I sometimes worry that my DH and I don't communicate well but this is all so bizarre. Everyone involved is BU.

androidnotapple · 03/10/2023 12:31

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:27

@androidnotapple The surgeon who did my c-section said no driving for 6 weeks.

If you've got a while in the 6 weeks to go and you have email access to their secretary, worth querying this as there's no real evidence for this. usually is ok when you can do an emergency stop.

Original poster

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:31

@Nicknacky It took over two hours after the baby was born for them to sort something out with my cervix (I think it wasn’t contracting), so I had complications. I believe that’s why they advised 6 weeks.

OP posts:

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 03/10/2023 12:31

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 11:03

Could you have opened a door though? I’m thinking yes.

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Probably not if I was in bed after having taken the tablet and was feeling really ill. To be honest I didn't like being left on my own at all as it didn't feel safe - the medication did make me feel very unwell, so I tried to time taking it so I was on my own as little as possible while feeling like that.

chalkup · 03/10/2023 12:32

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 12:19

But he wasn’t there, on the doorstep. How difficult is that to comprehend? This was her partner’s appointment, his communication issue. The op tidied the house and waited. She had no reason to go even more out her way than she already massively had done. This is turning into a typical ‘why didn’t the woman put in every aspect of the work from the start and the whole hassle could have been avoided’.

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I suppose we just differ in our perception of how normal human beings (male or female) communicate? I've seen both men and women take this presumptive "well I've done my bit and now I'll wait around" approach to communication, inevitably resulting in miscomms, so I don't know about gender roles.

I've been in this exact situation many times before. Moving around a lot in a city you get given lots of last minute appointments. Partner says someone's at the door. Even if I tell partner I need a bit more time, I don't assume that extends to nearly an hour of that person waiting around. After a reasonable time has elapsed (10-15 mins max) I either confirm with partner whether the person is still in the area or not / update partner that I'm ready or not yet ready. And/or I poke my head out the door like a normal person (which anyone in a parked car nearby would see) to approach communication directly. If needed, I can reschedule as well.

Also, I love how the partner is somehow being slated for being the one to organise the appointment. I hate dealing with faffy appointment making and comms, and am grateful when my partner does this re house. I do have to let them in but at that point I can handle myself like a grown up!

Could the partner have double and triple checked better ("have you let him in yet?")? Yes, for sure. But at that point, I would assume the person at home meant 10-15 mins and then they would open the door and let the waiting person in!

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 12:32

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:25

@Mikimoto

He wasn’t left on the doorstep for 45 minutes. I actually think it’s more insane to wait for 45 minutes, as a professional, with no further contact with anyone or any attempt to knock on the door. Perhaps I should have checked whether the valuer had a recent c section that prevented him from knocking?

I could have done things differently, so could DP, so could the valuer. It’s a huge miscommunication issue.

I think there are three issues:

company not making the appointment for anything close to the time DP is said to have asked for
DP expecting you to suddenly be ready to open to the door to the valuer, at a time much, much earlier than you expected, not really making sure the house was 'ready' (as much as it needs to be or not) and expecting you to do that at short notice, and also not understanding how hard it can be simply getting up 4 weeks after a c-section with a newborn (yes others climb mountains or drive 10000 miles to see their granny, but we are not all Wonderwoman are we?)
you should have texted DP and told him to make it clear to the valuer that you wouldn't be answering the door just now because it's simply not a suitable time - if he chooses to ignore that then he is the one wasting the valuers time, not you!

Please ignore all those looking for any reason to criticise - my only advice would be that you and DP need to sit down, discuss what needs to happen re-sale of house, who is responsible for what, and suitable timings for future appointments etc. Good luck with that, and with baby/recovery going forward. (Bowing out now and not answering any more nasty folk).

LondonLass91 · 03/10/2023 12:33

Having recently sold a house with children in situ, you have my sympathy, it's a nightmare..

Grimchmas · 03/10/2023 12:35

@Nicknacky I'm not sure I'd call rushing around to tidy a house in a few minutes that you expected to have all morning to do, "light housework".

The sort of light housework I'd expect somebody who is less that 6 weeks after a C section to be reasonably able to do is to wipe down a few surfaces, in her own time so that she can be careful not to overexert or injure herself, and with somebody else available to do any bending or lifting that isn't too sensible for her to do.

1month · 03/10/2023 12:35

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 12:25

@Mikimoto

He wasn’t left on the doorstep for 45 minutes. I actually think it’s more insane to wait for 45 minutes, as a professional, with no further contact with anyone or any attempt to knock on the door. Perhaps I should have checked whether the valuer had a recent c section that prevented him from knocking?

I could have done things differently, so could DP, so could the valuer. It’s a huge miscommunication issue.

So you expected him to keep knocking on the door to see if you were ready yet, even though he’d already been told you weren’t?

It sounds as though you were frantically trying to tidy up and get ready and I can bet that you would not have been pleased if he kept knocking on the door for you.

I went to pick my mum up last week.
I texted to say I was outside and she replied saying she’s just getting ready and will be out in a bit.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to go knocking on the door asking if she was ready yet, as it would be pretty obvious she wasn’t.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 12:35

Nicknacky · 03/10/2023 12:26

He may well have been waiting outside the door before then going to his car. You have no idea if he was in his car the entire time

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if he felt the need to return to the car then surely he could ring the appointment maker to double check where they were at?

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 12:37

Also, I love how the partner is somehow being slated for being the one to organise the appointment. I hate dealing with faffy appointment making and comms, and am grateful when my partner does this re house. I do have to let them in but at that point I can handle myself like a grown up!

It's one thing someone helping your organise, quite another them organising things at the worst possible time.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 03/10/2023 12:38

You’re getting some proper shitty responses on here, YANBU!! You are recovering from a c section & have a 4wk old baby.. you must be exhausted bless you!

if I was you I’d be fuming with your partner AND the person who came to do the valuation.

your partner should have double checked the appointment time! Also with you recovering from a c section he should have made sure the house was up to his standards YESTERDAY so there was no pressure… OR he should have waited until you have fully recovered which would have been more appropriate.

also the person who came should have rang or knocked.. he rang your partner whilst clearly still being in his car not directly outside the house, not very helpful.. normal people knock and if there’s no answer they ring to see what the hold up is, he rang but as you said you wouldn’t of been sure where he is..

also if your partner requested 1pm it should have been that time.. I’d be miffed that it’s been changed so early! What a joke.

you’ve done nothing wrong, if I was you I’d make it quite clear to your partner aswell that you are not a maid, you are recovering from a c section! You shouldn’t be rushing around the house blitzing it! If he was so certain he wanted this valuation to be done today, he should have done the cleaning himself yesterday..

the amount of posters on here calling you rude are batshit! Would like to see them have to wake up in the space of 10mins, get a 4wk old baby ready and fed, blitz the house whilst recovering from a c section! Fruit loops honestly.

SophieinParis · 03/10/2023 12:39

I’d have just let him in and explained it was a tip and then dealt with the baby whilst they were there.

Valuers don’t care about mess.

You should have let him in..

vapesareforsnakes · 03/10/2023 12:42

I honestly don't understand why you did not clean the house the night before and have it ready.

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 12:43

vapesareforsnakes · 03/10/2023 12:42

I honestly don't understand why you did not clean the house the night before and have it ready.

I honestly don't understand why you your partner did not clean the house the night before and have it ready.

Fixed that for you.

vapesareforsnakes · 03/10/2023 12:45

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 12:43

I honestly don't understand why you your partner did not clean the house the night before and have it ready.

Fixed that for you.

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I meant collectively. Why did the 2 of you OR your husband alone did not clean the house beforehand KNOWING that you had a valuation the next day and knowing you are so sore after the section etc. It should have been done in fairness. Who leaves it till the actual day?

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 12:45

Some of these answers are unreal. All you can do a month after a c section is lightly wipe a few surfaces and you’d be so exhausted you can’t answer the door.

well apparently me and millions of other women are super human as we all managed to care for our kids and answer the door and do more than lightly wipe a few surfaces 😂