It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

[PottyPet]

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

For those asking, I’m unable to do the school run as I had a c-section and can’t drive for 6 weeks.

He was BU for turning up at 8am out of the blue, who does that.
You were BU for not just opening the door when you knew he was outside and saying sorry the house is a mess but I have a 4 week old baby.
Your DH was BU for being so pushy about it all, not doing any tidying himself the night before, and huffing about it now.

Just a bad morning all round but not worth worrying about in the grand scheme of things really.

Your DP is at fault. Stupid time for anyone to call, bar the milkman.
There are plenty of estate agents, just get another one.
Choose a couple of hour long slots when it suits you and EAs can come then. If they can’t be arsed they’re not worth dealing with.

He asked you to sort the house out in 10 mins when you’re recovering from a c section? I think this thread is way beyond not opening the door to the estate agent…

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

I don't think anyone's covering themselves in glory here. The valuer messed up the time and then could have been more proactive in knocking. The DP could have said 'no, sorry, you'll need to reschedule' to the valuer. Or just pointed out to the OP that the house doesn't need to be tidy for a valuation. The OP could just have gone and let him in after a few minutes.

Just chalk it up to experience OP. You'll often find people mess up times. So your choice is either to tell them to bugger off and come back at a time convenient to you, or to assume they'll mess up the time and be ready in advance. Or, assume that they'll be early to catch you out, as they want to get there before you've had time to wipe the mould off the bath or whatever. No big deal.

Exactly that

I think most people post c section are capable of managing some house housework, the op hasn’t said she is physically unable to do any.

Don’t even try, you’ll get the “well I had an EMCS with twins on the back of a motorbike on the M1 in the January storms and did the school run an hour later, DH has an Important Job and women have been having babies forever” crowd.

I dont really feel youve done anything wrong.

they have come at the time not agreed and why would they hang around outside that long.

only mistake i can say you/your partner have made is trying to accommodate this... i would of just said now is not a good time we can only do the afternoon as agreed.

Don't take this the wrong way but I genuinely don't quite understand how people like you and OP function at work and in life. You're not a child receiving literal instructions, like OP literally waiting for a knock on the door when she had already been told he was there, or like you going "do you expect me to wander around the neighbourhood looking for him".

Various communication devices – texts, calls, etc – exist. If there's any ambiguity in communication, it always helps to close the loop. Almost an hour MIA / radio silence – till DH luckily got back so it would have been more! – is really a bit much. Even if someone was sat nicely in a cafe (massive assumption in the first place), I would probably have updated him either directly or via DH at some point... That's only polite.

I did mention in my reply I understand the mad rush and anxiety factor. But often you find that counterintuitively, some communication helps things calm down a little and also establish actual expectations (must the house be that tidy? Or he might mention he can come back in the afternoon as he has another appointment in the area. Or he actually has lots of work to do and is fine waiting the full hour). It's nervewracking to address the waiting party head-on, but can often bring clarity and relief.

Hope you recover quickly.

How many weeks are you unable to open doors for?

You were made aware by your DP that he was outside your door and you didn’t let him in . At the very least you could have answered the door and asked him if he could give you 10-15 minutes. I think you were rude.

I am just seeing it from a different perspective, or trying to.
I do feel that so many people are being a bit hard on OP, when really her partner has put her in the situation to start with.

Your DP is an ass. Make sure he knows that any future valuations must be at a reasonable time and has to be agreed with you beforehand and with enough notice to get you and baby ready. Tell your lazy partner that he is responsible for the tidying and cleaning until you are fully recovered from your c-section. Don't be bullied into any arrangement that isn't convenient for you and your baby.

I didn’t know whether the valuer was on the doorstep, in his car, in a cafe, gone off to another appointment in the meantime, gone to answer emails. I had no communication with him.

Come off it surely you can see you are being a bit unreasonable with this "I didn't know where he was" line you keep saying. Surely the decent human reaction is to assume that he is standing on the doorstep or hovering somewhere nearby waiting for you to let him in. If you weren't sure, the normal decent human thing to do is to go to the door, go outside and make it very obvious you're looking up and down the street for him, so that if he's waiting in a car he will see you and make himself known. That way you could have talked to him directly.

You said in other posts that you didn't know he was there. But you did, and he knows you did because your DP communicated that to him. I think he would have been rude if he'd have knocked after that, it makes him look impatient and inconsiderate towards a new mother and newborn. He knew you knew he was there and that he was waiting. He was relying on normal sensible human code of conduct that you'd answer the door after that.

I think it would have been a lot more sensible and logical to answer the door after having got yourself decent (not make up and polished, just perhaps wearing more than a nightie), and half-apologised, half explained to him that you aren't ready because you were expecting them at 1pm.

I'm going to assume a healthy dollop of sleep deprivation, hormones and being in recovery from birth might be clouding your judgement on this. That's perfectly OK, normal, to be expected, and you shouldn't be being judged for it.

Your DH was being unreasonable to have not realised until this morning that the appointment actually made was 8am. He was unreasonable to have expected a mother who has recently given birth and who is caring for a newborn to tidy a house in a few minutes. You were not unreasonable to have thought you had several hours to tidy the house in the morning before a 1pm appointment.

Do I think you both should be cut a bit of slack and chalk the thing up to unfortunate circumstances? Yes absolutely.

The agent is perfectly reasonable.

The person who booked the slot for 8am without checking with the person who asked for it at 1pm is a bit unreasonable.

But he wasn’t there, on the doorstep. How difficult is that to comprehend? This was her partner’s appointment, his communication issue. The op tidied the house and waited. She had no reason to go even more out her way than she already massively had done. This is turning into a typical ‘why didn’t the woman put in every aspect of the work from the start and the whole hassle could have been avoided’.

If you knew he was coming that day you and your husband should have done most of the tidying up the day before- leaving you just yourself and baby to take care of the next morning.

If you had no idea until 7:50 that morning that estate agent is coming around and your husband did then he messed up, not yours or estate agent guys fault.

He wasn’t outside the door, you seem to have come on this thread just to harass the op with what you seem to think are witty remarks. Do you have anything actually useful or even marginally intelligent to add?

I've just seen the C section bit. Even more reason why DP was unreasonable to expect you to tidy a house and answer the door with 0 notice.

I am not so sure about that tbh. Some c-sections take longer to heal than others, and over exertion isn't exactly going to help in the long term.

She wouldn’t have seen him even if she’d opened the door to a non-existent knock:

As it turns out, he was sat in his car on the street outside, not stood on the doorstep. You can’t park directly outside our house as it’s on a main road, so he must have been a few doors down. Even if I’d have glanced out of the window to check if he was there I wouldn’t have seen him anyway.

For how many weeks have you struggled with reading comprehension?

This is all mental. Why dont YOU arrange the valuations then it can suit your availability? I'd have told my DP where to go if he sprung that on me. However Id also have answered the door and told the valuer you need to rearrange. Leaving him on the doorstep for 45 minutes is insane. You knew he was there whether he knocked or not. Take some responsibility

How many weeks are you unable to write constructive or helpful comments for?

This is all of the DP's making though.

Not what you asked but has someone specifically told you that you can't drive for 6 weeks? This is somewhat of an urban myth and most are driving within a couple of weeks of a section.