As a man, should I post on MN

[Dadfromthesea]

I love the MN forums. More often than not I just read them, as they’re useful from a parenting point of view and often very funny to boot. I occasionally comment. I’ve started one thread ever, before this one.

Saw a thread this morning about a perceived rise in ‘women hating’ men posting on here. I’m definitely not one of those, and would be mortified to come across as one. But before long the thread started talking about men in general, and whether or not they should be posting at all on a forum called Mumsnet that’s predominantly aimed at women.

I get the need for women-only spaces, and would hate to intrude on one unintentionally.

So as a man, as a dad, am I being unreasonable by posting on Mumsnet? If the consensus is that I am, then I’ll stop.

Why can’t men post in relationships in your opinion? Don’t they have experience of relationships? A valid viewpoint? Feelings?

Ignore Mollythemaid and post wherever you please

She’s explained why she’d prefer you them not to. And I agree.

I'm new to MN so still learning the ropes but I like seeing a man's perspective in here. I like it when the user name makes clear it's a man ie dad from the sea.

@Dadfromthesea your thread has been the most excitement I’ve had on mumsnet in ageesssss. Don’t stop posting.

In general, I don’t have a problem with men being here. However, there is a time to engage and there is a time to sit back and learn from the discussion. I’m white so wouldn’t comment (on purpose) in the black MN forum. I’ve done it accidentally when in AIBU and before it got moved. I’ve got a child, so I wouldn’t post in childfree. I read both boards because it gives me an insight into the ways people are being insensitive to these groups and what language might be insensitive without me realising.

On some of the main boards it might be a more nuanced. AIBU to ask me to tell your potty training debacle stories - feel free to post, that’s open to all sexes and even aunts, uncles, grandparents and childcare providers. AIBU that I’m not ready for postnatal sex yet - whilst you might have waited after your kids, I don’t think it’s the place for a man to be commenting to say he waited until his wife was ready. Or AIBU about micro sexist behaviours in the office - to come in and say that as a man you really don’t think women are always called on in meetings to take minutes or your work has loads of females in leadership roles (you might but they are probably in business support functions such as comms, HR and these can often be seen as less valuable than the technical delivery which is usually male dominated).

To my mind, that you have the sensitivity and self awareness to ask the question means you are very welcome to join us!

I agree.

Honestly, anyone that can make me laugh with their post as much as you did is welcome on here in my book - man, woman, or a flipping goat - I don't care!! 😆🤣

This!!

Given there are people on here who are extremely vocal about never wanting to be parents, I can’t see why a male parent shouldn’t join in.

Thanks!

Just post if you want to. I don't care if you're a man/woman/dog/cat/alien. There's no need to announce it unless it's really relevant to the thread, just get on with it.

I don't mind the men, but I do get fed up with the child-haters. It's a parenting forum! Why would someone who doesn't have kids, doesn't want kids, and doesn't like kids, post here? Drives me demented.

Inclined to agree. I don't care who posts on MN as long as they're not a troll-y twat, but it's interesting how many posters are virtually tripping over themselves to tell you how incredibly funny and valuable you are to the MN community, on the evidence of one thread.

I mean, in fairness I've not read your other thread and you may well be a solid-gold delight from head to toe but...as I said, it's interesting.

No.

I have learned that mumsnet is for everyone not just women but can’t help but think women have made the site what it is and made it attractive for everyone with their first hand experiences and opinions esp the fact that more men are drawn to the parenting sections, is it that women tend to do more of the legwork when it comes to most things so are more likely to post? If the site started off for both men and women would it be as great as it is or would it be like Reddit or something. Are there other parenting forums set up by men I am wondering. Anyway I learned my lesson when I started chatting away as someone PM’d me regarding primary schools and then I realised it was a man, I didn’t like it as I assumed it was a woman, so was more open with how I spoke, I realise that was stupid of me but I am not sure if entirely my fault as the site is called mumsnet, I know there are child free women on here but that doesn’t seem to bother me as I still feel safer that it’s a woman. I understand anyone can pretend to be a woman or whatever online but somehow I find mumsnet trustworthy. That was a few years ago so now I do tread carefully but I still assume it’s a woman posting unless I have reason to believe otherwise. I need to stop that. I can’t help that so I think it helps when men have it in their username I suppose. I can usually tell when it’s a man when they’re being obviously misogynistic obv you get women with those views but can normally tell because of the language. Anyway I don’t have a problem with you being here just telling you my experience and don’t be shocked if women assume you’re a woman unless they see it on your username.

Yes same I thought people were being sarcastic because of all the praise then I realise they’re being serious it is 🤔

It is interesting, especially in the context that men often post with the expectation that their input is invaluable and theirs is the last word on the subject. It's depressing when women line up to endorse that view, or go it was all getting a bit womany around here - at last a proper person!

Anyway, OP, posting as a person is fine on most of the place, posting as a man can be offputting on some of the boards/themes. As PPs say, it's the perverts on the sex boards, the gang up to hate my wife posters that really grate. Of course, the women who breathlessly oblige are just as bad. Wonder if we can have a board for those two groups to enjoy?

Also I’m south Asian and noticed some men end up on the boards telling us not to listen to ‘white women’ and that infuriates me because we need to deal with that irl esp as there no safe spaces allowed it seems as men seem to dominate everything in my community so mumsnet is like a breath of fresh air and helps to see women supporting women identifying abuse etc when otherwise they don’t get the opportunity to hear these opinions outside of community esp when you are sheltered and don’t hear from ‘white women’ it makes me angry as though they are policing us and trying to silence us on here. I noticed that happened on the excellent thread about orthodox Jewish AMA and a man came on to tell the women they were doing it all wrong, at that point I knew exactly how those women felt. It is annoying when that happens.

I'm glad other people have noticed this. I thought it was just me being a bit churlish. I alluded to this in an earlier post on this thread and the responses have reinforced it.
I also find something a little off when a man (who's clearly just had a thread go down a storm and gained a little fan club) suddenly seems to doubt his welcome on the site and posts ever so humbly about going away if he's not wanted...only to be fully reassured and decide to stay after a page of fulsome reassurance.
Any man worried about his welcome simply need not divulge his sex. There's very few times it matters.

This speaks volumes because a few years ago when l was on a widowed forum for younger people there was a very stark difference regarding the responses for widows and widowers. It was embarrassing to see the number of women gushing and falling over themselves whenever a male posted. I have witnessed this in real life too, so often a woman is just expected to get on with it, very little in way of empathy, where as the man is treated like some sort of God like heroic figure.

I think men should be upfront about being men. The assumption still is that posters are women. Full disclosure- I would rather that this was a woman only space, but I know it isn't. I do think it's important when participating in political threads that everyone, but particularly men, understand what class analysis is.

I actually think we need less men on this site. The whole internet is available to men.