What is this sweet smelling cream in DS cupboard

[Golfegghead]

I have a 16 year old son and he can be very secretive although does spend a lot of time with us as a family, but I know he has tried vaping as I found a disposable vape in the back of his drawer. I didn't confront him, just removed it. Whilst some will say that there are worse things he can do I am very concerned about the long term effects given we don't know what they are and some of their contents.

We found some very sweet smelling creamy stuff in a disposable plastic bottle today in his cupboard. Smells a bit like strawberries but all the information I can find is that vapes are liquids. This isn't a liquid, it's more of a runny cream. Because it's hidden, I know it's something I should obviously be concerned about (it's definitely not face cream, lol)! I am pretty sure it isn't a drug either.

Any ideas?

Flavoured lube?

Stop going through your 16 year-Old’s stuff you controlling lunatic.

Lube.

Stop prying into his life. You’ll find things you wish you hadn’t.

God let him have some privacy he's 16 FFS. Of course he's secretive when you search his bloody room and assume the worst about everything you find! It could be a sample from a beauty counter for your Xmas gift for all you know. Trust your child a bit more or you will lose him.

Stop going through his cupboards, maybe?

But also lube. Put it back and leave him be!

The cream doesn’t sound concerning. Your prying is, however

Why are you snooping?

Why on earth are you looking in the back of his drawers and in his cupboard??

Jeez stop snooping in your 16 year olds bedroom.

If you raised him with love and trust you wouldn’t need to sneak into his room to ask questions - he would tell you openly. But it’s probably a disposable vape with e-liquid.

You say “we” found the cream - are you not the only person invading your son’s privacy. Jeez, poor kid. Imagine your mum finding your lube.

The sixteen year old me would have been very upset at the thought of my Mum going through my stuff (and removing ... um, stealing ... things).

He's secretive because you are a nosy snoop! Now is the time to lay off. Trust your son.

My mother used to pry into my things throughout my teen years until I left home. Nothing escaped her and if she didn't approve she removed the offending item including diaries, posters, cigarettes (it was the 90s), letters from boys and all that. It was very hurtful and I felt like I had no privacy at all. I took to keeping my posessions on me and I have a very poor relationship with my mother as a result. She has no idea why.

If you want to be posting in 10 years time about why your son doesn't bother with you, crack on. Maybe place the offending item on the kitchen table and ask him what it is to.

Why are you going through your son's drawers and cupboards? Please don't claim to be putting washing away. You're snooping. Why?

Cream could be lube. Pretty normal thing to have.

'Trust your son'
I don't think that's good advice 16 year olds are likely to experiment with drugs etc and lie about it I wouldn't blindly trust them not to endanger themselves

Lube.
They masturbate a lot.
Go through his bin tissue by tissue, for your next privacy busting raid.

Oh and trying one disposable vape isn't something to worry about as long as it doesn't become a recurring event. Hell, I tried smoking at 12 and I was that kid who only ever got one detention in my whole school career. I grew up fine and I also have all my own teeth.

I went NC for a long time with my mum after I left home though because of her weekly searches of my room and the intense scrutiny/criticism bordering on obsession that she subjected me to if she found anything at all that she didn't like (e.g. nail varnish). It was a symptom of wider controlling behaviour.

It's probably lube. That is nothing you should be concerned with. It's ok for 16 year olds to have parts of their lives they do not want to share with you.

Eeeeek. Everyone saying that he deserves some privacy are right. Unless there is a back story and he's running drugs for county lines or something?

Please stay out of his stuff. No wonder he's secretive if you treat him like that, it's so invasive.

I think it's good advice to someone who is searching her son's room regularly and obsessing over every random thing she finds in it. Do you not think the goal here should be getting her to let go rather than heightening her off-the-scale anxiety?

There's a difference between trusting them, blindly accepting any stupid behaviour they do, and intervening when they have made a bad choice.

The OP is far more likely to not find out about any potential drug use if she drives her son to secrecy from her current course of action than if she fosters a home environment and positive relationship with her son where he feels he can actually come to her and get sound, non-panicked advice about whatever he's up to at the time.

Worse than that, she's setting him up to not trust other people because she's regularly going behind his back and searching his stuff and taking it, which means if he does get into trouble he's less likely to reach out to anyone else that could help him either (school, youth workers, counsellors etc).

Yes he does deserve privacy but he is also a child and living at home, and his mum is right to be concerned and ask online about an unfamiliar substance found in his room.

That said, I wouldn't have just chucked vape away but would have had a conversation about it.

Stop snooping

Mortifying.

Leave the poor lad alone.