Page 5 | What is this sweet smelling cream in DS cupboard

Golfegghead · 2023-10-02T08:28:09+00:00

I have a 16 year old son and he can be very secretive although does spend a lot of time with us as a family, but I know he has tried vaping as I found a disposable vape in the back of his drawer. I didn't confront him, just removed it. Whilst some will say that there are worse things he can do I am very concerned about the long term effects given we don't know what they are and some of their contents. We found some very sweet smelling creamy stuff in a disposable plastic bottle today in his cupboard. Smells a bit like strawberries but all the information I can find is that vapes are liquids. This isn't a liquid, it's more of a runny cream. Because it's hidden, I know it's something I should obviously be concerned about (it's definitely not face cream, lol)! I am pretty sure it isn't a drug either. Any ideas?

Mikimoto · 02/10/2023 11:41

Please don't test his socks for crustiness if he's already actually
placed them inside the washing machine...

Atticustheaardvark · 02/10/2023 11:47

He's secretive because you obviously keep rifling through his personal stuff and stealing it!

An awful way to treat a teenager.

AntiStuff · 02/10/2023 11:50

Probably lube. Stop going through his stuff though, it's weird and controlling.

5128gap · 02/10/2023 11:51

JustAMinutePleass · 02/10/2023 09:33

If you raised him with love and trust you wouldn’t need to sneak into his room to ask questions - he would tell you openly. But it’s probably a disposable vape with e-liquid.

I disagree. The most loved and trusted children in the world will do things they think, or know, their parents disapprove of, and will hide them because they don't want to upset their parent. It's deluded to assume that your teen will tell you everything they've been up to. Why would they? They have personal and private lives centred around their peers. You're just one part of their life. I don't agree with snooping but the confidence all will be disclosed to you because you're so good at trust and love is naive.

magicmole · 02/10/2023 11:58

Vistada · 02/10/2023 10:22

no wonder he's secretive with you snooping about!

I had a snooping mother, she used to open my mail well into my late teens, then when that stopped after a row she'd google the address on the back instead if it looked official. She used to read private things I had hidden in my room - she also found out I smoked from going through my bag. Thoroughly.

I was 23.

Honestly, stop. Please.

Edited

I sympathise @Vistada. Mine used to read things she'd found in my room* and take photocopies of them. *I was in my 20s too. Found out years later when I discovered a copy of a half-written letter to a friend neatly filed with the household paperwork. I still have no idea what she'd planned to do with it but it destroyed what trust remained between us.

OP as other posters have said, it may well be lube and your son doesn't want to broadcast the fact that he's masturbating/having sex. Can you blame him?

beAsensible1 · 02/10/2023 12:00

Tribevibes · 02/10/2023 10:05

Why would lube be in a plastic bag though? Just curious 🤣

do you get liquid e vape stuff. I dunno…… doesn’t sound like crack cocaine tho so 🤣

probably because it says lube on the container and he doesn't want OP knowing/finding it.

Bouncyball23 · 02/10/2023 12:12

Why are you searching his stuff? Do you not remember being his age? I would of been fuming if my mum even entered my room, my teen would not be happy if I went through his stuff snooping either.

Mrsjayy · 02/10/2023 12:12

beAsensible1 · 02/10/2023 12:00

probably because it says lube on the container and he doesn't want OP knowing/finding it.

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Bet its called juicey fruttilube 😂

MaybeSmaller · 02/10/2023 12:20

Sexual lubricant used during intercourse or masturbation.

Now stop snooping around in your DS' bedroom, you weirdo.

Floralnomad · 02/10/2023 12:21

My idea would be for you to stop snooping in his drawers , would you like it if he went through your handbag or bedroom drawers ?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/10/2023 12:36

@DontMakeMeShushYou I'm not saying she should get cross but she should know about it and provide appropriate support or intervention if teens have things like -

illegal drugs
illegal porn
smoking or vaping
lots of cash that they don't know where it's from
weapons

If you think 'my child has been well raised they're not at risk of any of this' then that's risky thinking and being too naive

redskytonights · 02/10/2023 12:51

My parents (and I'm in my 50s!) say I am secretive.

What they mean is that I don't tell them every single detail of my life on demand.

Your DS does not have to tell you about every detail of his life. If you stop sneaking and prying he is actually more likely to voluntarily tell you!

Do you have any other reasons to worry that he is e.g. on drugs? If you don't then just let him be a teenager.

HowToSaveAWife · 02/10/2023 12:52

Stop snooping you bloody looney toon.

If I was your son I'd be deliberately planting odd shit to send you into a spiral. Come back in a few years when you're wondering why he wants nothing to do with you.

DavesSpareDeckChair · 02/10/2023 12:54

Sunshinenrain · 02/10/2023 11:32

Sounds like he’s dealing hand lotion.

That’s really not good as it’s a gateway to more hardcore stuff like face creams and acne treatment.

I suggest you call the police asap!!

😄
He's been buying from a mysterious local dealer known only as "the Avon lady"...

Iateitallofit · 02/10/2023 12:59

SisterMichaelsHabit · 02/10/2023 09:44

I think it's good advice to someone who is searching her son's room regularly and obsessing over every random thing she finds in it. Do you not think the goal here should be getting her to let go rather than heightening her off-the-scale anxiety?

There's a difference between trusting them, blindly accepting any stupid behaviour they do, and intervening when they have made a bad choice.

The OP is far more likely to not find out about any potential drug use if she drives her son to secrecy from her current course of action than if she fosters a home environment and positive relationship with her son where he feels he can actually come to her and get sound, non-panicked advice about whatever he's up to at the time.

Worse than that, she's setting him up to not trust other people because she's regularly going behind his back and searching his stuff and taking it, which means if he does get into trouble he's less likely to reach out to anyone else that could help him either (school, youth workers, counsellors etc).

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Indeed. All he will learn from this carry on @Golfegghead is to hide things better, or to keep his ‘contraband’ outside the house.

Any why didn’t you talk to him about the vape? Do you honestly think taking that one vape will have any impact on if he continues to vape?!

Routing through his room and taking stuff out, but then pretending it doesn’t exist is just bizarre.

oakleaffy · 02/10/2023 13:11

DavesSpareDeckChair · 02/10/2023 12:54

😄
He's been buying from a mysterious local dealer known only as "the Avon lady"...

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These woman are highly dangerous.
They used to deliver to desperate customers door to door in the 1970's, I believe, masquerading as nice middle class women?

Daily Mail should have done an exposé about them.

AlexandriasWindmill · 02/10/2023 13:18

There is a lot of naivety on this thread. There are lots of parents who thought they had good relationships with their teens and didn't realise they were being bullied online; involved in county lines; taking drugs; visiting pro-ana sites; were involved in escalating, self-harming linked to social media.
It's lovely that some of you think your teens will bring everything to you. And if they don't and they go missing, well, then the police will search their room ( as one PP said). 🙄
There is a line. OP may be on one side of it but there a lot of posters on this thread who are too far on the other side.

redskytonights · 02/10/2023 13:25

AlexandriasWindmill · 02/10/2023 13:18

There is a lot of naivety on this thread. There are lots of parents who thought they had good relationships with their teens and didn't realise they were being bullied online; involved in county lines; taking drugs; visiting pro-ana sites; were involved in escalating, self-harming linked to social media.
It's lovely that some of you think your teens will bring everything to you. And if they don't and they go missing, well, then the police will search their room ( as one PP said). 🙄
There is a line. OP may be on one side of it but there a lot of posters on this thread who are too far on the other side.

I don't think it's naive to think that if your teenager knows that you regularly snoop in their room that they will just hide things better/out of the house.

I don't think it's naive to think that if you check your teen's phone they will just delete stuff/have a second phone.

If a teen wants to hide stuff from you, then they will. Having a good relationship and keeping communication lines open and non-judgemental means that you might have a chance that they will talk to you. Or at least you will spot that their behaviour has changed.

And yes, they might still hide stuff and you might not know what's going on in their lives (not that I actually want to know every little thing). But hopefully you've done the best you can.

Of course plenty of parents think they have a good relationship with their teenagers, and the teens will beg to differ.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 02/10/2023 13:26

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/10/2023 12:36

@DontMakeMeShushYou I'm not saying she should get cross but she should know about it and provide appropriate support or intervention if teens have things like -

illegal drugs
illegal porn
smoking or vaping
lots of cash that they don't know where it's from
weapons

If you think 'my child has been well raised they're not at risk of any of this' then that's risky thinking and being too naive

Well, of course.

That's where my point about talking to your kids comes from. It's not about thinking they've been well-raised and assuming your job is done, it's about keeping communication open and building a relationship based on appropriate levels of trust and mutual respect from the word go. That will help foster an environment where you will be in a far better position to spot when something might be wrong.

If your relationship is built on mistrust and snooping and an assumption they they must be up to no good, then they are going to lie to you and hide things from you.

Obviously nothing is foolproof, but fostering a culture of mistrust is never going to work well.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 02/10/2023 13:27

Floralnomad · 02/10/2023 12:21

My idea would be for you to stop snooping in his drawers , would you like it if he went through your handbag or bedroom drawers ?

Exactly
He could be worried about you, middle aged people take recreational drugs too. Or maybe he's worried you're hiding alcohol. Or, as this is probably lube, having sex and hiding condoms and contraceptive pills and he's just so worried he better check all your personal belongings...

TrainedByCats · 02/10/2023 13:29

Kemper · 02/10/2023 09:29

Stop going through your 16 year-Old’s stuff you controlling lunatic.

This ^^

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 02/10/2023 13:32

Also
"I wish I'd paid more attention"
Doesn't mean "I wish I'd snooped more"
But "I wish I'd been more aware of them as a person. Noticed they were more withdrawn. Tried to have conversations with them and be open."

Snooping and breaking trust just brings a whole different set of problems and issues for the child.

Blueink · 02/10/2023 13:32

He’s being ‘secretive’ because you are being too invasive and suggest you try and (re)build trust.

It’s very unsettling you just threw the vape away without a conversation.

The ‘cream’ is obviously not something harmful.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 02/10/2023 13:34

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 02/10/2023 13:32

Also
"I wish I'd paid more attention"
Doesn't mean "I wish I'd snooped more"
But "I wish I'd been more aware of them as a person. Noticed they were more withdrawn. Tried to have conversations with them and be open."

Snooping and breaking trust just brings a whole different set of problems and issues for the child.

Well said.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/10/2023 13:39

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 02/10/2023 13:32

Also
"I wish I'd paid more attention"
Doesn't mean "I wish I'd snooped more"
But "I wish I'd been more aware of them as a person. Noticed they were more withdrawn. Tried to have conversations with them and be open."

Snooping and breaking trust just brings a whole different set of problems and issues for the child.

This, absolutely. I can’t imagine this kind of behaviour would be anything but damaging if the person already had mental health issues that were responsible for suicidal thoughts.