What is this sweet smelling cream in DS cupboard

[Golfegghead]

I have a 16 year old son and he can be very secretive although does spend a lot of time with us as a family, but I know he has tried vaping as I found a disposable vape in the back of his drawer. I didn't confront him, just removed it. Whilst some will say that there are worse things he can do I am very concerned about the long term effects given we don't know what they are and some of their contents.

We found some very sweet smelling creamy stuff in a disposable plastic bottle today in his cupboard. Smells a bit like strawberries but all the information I can find is that vapes are liquids. This isn't a liquid, it's more of a runny cream. Because it's hidden, I know it's something I should obviously be concerned about (it's definitely not face cream, lol)! I am pretty sure it isn't a drug either.

Any ideas?

Dunno who'd have died of mortification first, tbh

This 💯

🤣🤣🤣

Also

Throwing the vape away without a conversation isn't better...

Throwing it away is basically saying "just so you know, I go through your stuff and I've seen and stolen this. I'm always watching. You can't hide from me. Imagine what I might find next time..."

Rather than "I know you might be upset, but I was worried about you so I checked your room. I found this vape, have you considered the health risks? I'm only doing this because I'm worried about you. Remember you can always talk to me." Which he'd consider Bullshit but at least you'd be open about snooping

Yep

The cream is lube.

Take it into the living room while he is in there one day and casually moisturise your face and neck with it.

Leave the poor boy alone. You have absolutely no right to be going through his stuff. Disgusting behaviour

This horrifies me.
I was the teenager who my mother wanted to know everything about but anything was met with negative judgement, including my friends. She once grounded me because I forgot to message her from a friend’s house at a set time.
She might have met someone for 5 minutes and would have a ream of things to say about how they weren’t for me or had offended her.
I became very secretive and moved out really early. She knows nothing about my life even now.

Don’t be that person; please focus on your job and things in your own life, as well as fostering a good and open relationship with your son.

Exactly the same here. She used to look through my drawers and under the bed when I wasn't in the house.

Once, when I was 18 at our watching a film at the cinema, she found an electric guitar I bought under my bed. She didn't approve and later in the week, made my father drive me back to the shop to get a refund on it, even though it had been bought months ago. The shop rightfully didn't accept the refund and the guitar was sold on eBay.

I'm now in my forties and since my late teens, I rarely tell her anything personal. I also don't go to her for advice about anything.

I'm also still sad about that guitar. I'd bought it with my money from my evening job.

Please don't be shocked when he moves out at his earliest convenience,

Leave him alone
If he notices you've been through his drawers he will never trust you to open up if he has a real problem
Yes it's lube.. and don't root through his bin for tissues
It's completely normal, but what isn't normal is your prying

Maybe there is a good reason why your 16 year old son is 'secretive'.

Do you make rummaging around the back of drawers and cupboards a habit when he's out of the house? One day you'll find a note....Dear Mum.....

This is awful.

unless there is a huge back story, there is no reason for you to be treating your son so appallingly.

@Golfegghead no idea at all? If it’s hidden it’s either going to be sex or drug related so you could probably work it out on your own.

Unless it’s a strawberry Actimel .

On the money.

You should be ashamed of yourself snooping around like this. No wonder he’s so secretive with you.

This.

OP went out to buy a black light but got lost in the forensic booties aisle.

It’s actually a bit of gaslighting too - as it’s created uncertainty.

It’s put more of a barrier there if OP wanted DS to be more open, this is the opposite action to take.

Same!

Stop being such a control freak.

Don't think the OP will be coming back 😂

@Golfegghead hasn't returned to this thread due to unanimous YABU.

Absolutely agree here around trust.

Surely every parent of teens who start going out independently have passing concerns about drugs/underage drinking/smoking/ pregnancy, but honest communication is the best way.

I used to say to my son that I couldn't stop him using {should he want to} drugs/drinking/smoking/ or having sex unsafely- but said if he wanted to do these things, to please do them as 'safely' as possible.

Fortunately he was ok.

He had a friend stay the night, who brought an 11 yr {!!} old younger brother along-
Son came to me to say his friend had 'weed' on him and was rolling up in my front room!

I went in thinking it was a joke, but it wasn't.

I said that wasn't acceptable, as it's a non smoking house.

OP won't be returning because she's too busy getting lost in Narnia after searching her son's wardrobe 🤣