What is this sweet smelling cream in DS cupboard

[Golfegghead]

I have a 16 year old son and he can be very secretive although does spend a lot of time with us as a family, but I know he has tried vaping as I found a disposable vape in the back of his drawer. I didn't confront him, just removed it. Whilst some will say that there are worse things he can do I am very concerned about the long term effects given we don't know what they are and some of their contents.

We found some very sweet smelling creamy stuff in a disposable plastic bottle today in his cupboard. Smells a bit like strawberries but all the information I can find is that vapes are liquids. This isn't a liquid, it's more of a runny cream. Because it's hidden, I know it's something I should obviously be concerned about (it's definitely not face cream, lol)! I am pretty sure it isn't a drug either.

Any ideas?

I agree with this. My mum used to read my letters and diaries and then gossip about the contents. She's a sad case.

This.

My Mum used to read all my private letters, diaries etc. It became clear there was nowhere I could hide them that she wouldn't find, so I decided to burn them. Teenagers don't always make good decisions. I wouldn't recomend burning a pile of letters etc in a plastic bin on an equally plasticky carpet... Thankfully I managed to put the fire out and was just left with a melted burnt circle on my carpet (and a very melted bin). (I wasn't completely stupid, I just genuinely thought they would sort of gently smolder and then I could blow it all out.... I did not expect the raging inferno that actually occured).

So in short, stop snooping, it will push your child to more and more extremes to try and hide stuff from you.

Unless you have good reason to be suspicious, this is not an acceptable excuse for routinely prying into the personal effects of a sixteen year old. I remember walking in on my mum snooping through my dressing table drawer - my diary was out on the table top and she had obviously leafed through it. There was no reason on earth she needed to do this. I lost my trust in her and never forgave her for the invasion of my privacy.

And they must be deliberately ignoring all the public information campaigns by families who have lost their teens and say they wished they had looked and realised what was going on in their lives

I don't think any teenager's life or mental health is improved by having a parent knowing about their wanking preferences

You sound suffocating.

My FIL would snoop in my husbands room when he was a teen. Absolute controlling knobhead.
We didn't speak to them for years after he kicked his son out age 20. Didn't meet 2 of our children when they were born because of his ways. Neither of us trust him now and I honestly cannot stand the man.

I'd continue to snoop if you don't want a relationship with your son.
If you do, leave him alone for goodness sakes.

oh rubbish.

You can keep an eye on your teenagers without routinely invading their privacy to rifle through their drawers/cupboards... and asking about a mysterious cream on the internet.

My nearly 16 year old has an array of face creams (and I know that because he keeps them in the family bathroom, not because I go through his stuff!) So it could be that. But give the poor boy a bit of privacy...

Your son obviously knows that you snoop, so the fact that he puts these things in drawers and cupboards doesn't mean that they are hidden. If he really didn't want you to know, trust me, he would find an effective hiding place. If I were him, I would take positive pleasure in "hiding" totally innocent things in unlabelled bottles just to wind you up. I suspect you'll find it's something like your own hand cream.

@ManateeFair if it's mixed in with the lube!

I had the same experience as @Redribbontable

Combined with other behaviours, many of which were neglectful and abusive, my mother would comb my room for evidence that I was a shit. Probably to make herself feel better about how controlling she was.

Anyway, I left home a few days after I turned 18. And now I see my parents 2-3 times per year in a cafe for a quiet lunch where conversation is stilted and only about the weather and their grandchildren. I haven’t seen them on a birthday or at Christmas in years. I don’t like them. I keep up a friendly pretence for the sake of my children who think they’re alright.

yup

hair gel is my suggestion
but just leave his possessions alone.

Sorry but this is bollocks. NO 16 tear old wants to talk voluntarily to his or her parents about their sex life.

Teenagers are by nature secretive. They're entitled to privacy. Parents should not be snooping!

I'm almost certain it's a bottle of 'none of your business' OP - you shouldn't be rooting around in your 16 year old DS's drawers and cupboards, let alone taking things you have no right to take or look at. It's bloody weird and intrusive behaviour and you need to take a step back and consider the damage it will do and what the benefit of it is.

Echoing what others have said, I had a mother who did things like this (and also much worse but the point still stands), my sibling and I both moved out the second we could when we either got a full time job or went to university at 17/18, never went home again. I don't have any contact with her at all as an adult and am happier, my sibling I think does Christmas cards and the odd phone call but that's it.

@Golfegghead Please Don’t pry through your son’s stuff.

My parents used to do this and it just made us far more secretive in hiding stuff.

There HAS to be trust.

My son knew I’d never look through his stuff.

Nothing good ever comes of room searches.

My mother gave us no privacy and would go through our drawers. I have never invaded my teenagers personal space.
My mother continued to be a nasty controlling piece of work. I am now no contact with her.

Step away from your son's room.

I have a feeling that the op won’t be back! 😬

I’m also thinking lube.
I’m also thinking - WHY are you going through his stuff? He’s 16 fgs.

Sounds like he’s dealing hand lotion.

That’s really not good as it’s a gateway to more hardcore stuff like face creams and acne treatment.

I suggest you call the police asap!!

I did exactly this as a teenager.
Hid chocolate square wrapped as If hash - and it disappeared.

Seriously though OP you KNOW it’s nothing bad.

It could be vape liquid, lube, hand lotion etc but if its liquid and smells of strawberries you know it’s nothing bad.

Your motive behind searching his room and then starting a thread about it is concerning.

Need for privacy is important at 16! (I mean 'need' not 'desire'.) Respecting this is part of respecting him as the adult he (thinks he is) will become.

Keeping a 16 year old safe (such an understandable wish) isn't at all the same as it was for a pre-teen. It is much much harder for loving parents because it means appearing to be more 'hands off' while secretly hovering and preparing for what might go wrong.

He needs you (very much) but also needs more autonomy than he had before.

He is in 'training wheels' for adulthood - under your protection but not entirely in your hands. He needs to be able to make mistakes in these end of teen years - while you are still around to help him through the after-math!

This is a really tricky time but there really needs to be a gradual handing over of power or there will be a dramatic revolution and everyone will get hurt.

Trying to keep too much control over the small things could also lead to a real bust-up in the family when he takes back his independence in the future. That will leave you on the outside when he makes his big errors and really needs your support and advice as he works out how to deal with them.