FiL asked me to check his will

[EE1980]

I'm not a probate lawyer

FiL asked me to check that his will reflects his intentions. He'd got a probate lawyer to draft it.

I asked him if he was sure he wanted me to check it. I pointed out I didn't do probate and being married to his son means I'm not independent.

He said he was fine with me reviewing it.

So he has left everything to his eldest son (not my husband). The house and land and furniture. Not one thing set aside my husband - nothing sentimental.

They're all very close and loving so not fall out. My husband is hurt. Will never say he is. Loves his parents and wouldn't want anything from them (though happy to take from mine).

Was it a bit unreasonable for my FiL to ask me to review his will when my husband os left out completely?

You have just been living this way for a long time that it seems normal and that this is the only sort of life there is. @SequentialAnalyst has suggested a different thread I don’t know about where you will see there are thousands of people going through the same thing.

There is life, a happier life, after the one you are currently living. You will just need to unravel things in your mind and get things in order and take a leap of faith. You and your children will be far happier in the long run. And yes I know when you marry you don’t expect to have to go through this or to become a single parent but all those little hardships will be worth it if in a few years time you look back and see how far you have come. And that you can now be yourself.

If you challenge FIL I'll bet you he'll laugh it off. I wouldn't waste your time, if I were you, FWIW.
Think what it is you really want, even if you have no idea as yet as to how this can be achieved.
Quietly gather financial information.
Remember, someone is always here.
And next time you start a new thread, I recommend Relationships, not AIBU.

All the best!

People with unhappy marriages post here for help getting out: they have hope that things could be better out of the marriage. And generally the mnetters in happy marriages encourage then to get help, get out, and start again because happiness CAN be found, if you look for it. The one place you know you aren’t happy is this marriage! So turn your back to it and look elsewhere for independence, growth, and love. These are your goals—so go look. Who cares what your in laws leave your dh. Dump him, take your inheritance, and start fresh.

Cultural isnt just based on religion or country of origin.

And why the hell does it matter. the OP has given the facts, answer based on that or dont.

This is a good point

That's really batshit crazy. It's not normal and not saying anything is weird too. It's not a 'lovely' family it's a nasty weird one.

Because it doesn't sound like any sort of culture other than the ones already ruled out. It looks like OP is starting to see that she does actually have the right to assert herself and that her DH's family may be gaslighting her. She doesn't need people mindlessly agreeing that it's ok because it's 'cultural'.

You say you are UK but if you're in Scotland you have a right to a 1/3 of the moveable assets regardless of what the will says

Your husband sounds a bit mean, doesn't have your back, would divorce you and choose his parents even though they are completely disinheriting him, and what you are upset about is that his parents have hurt him, rather than that he is disloyal to you. I'm confused. It sort of sounds like this family has been controlling you for so long that you no longer have any self-esteem. I feel like you deserve better than this and I hope you are able to make things turn around, one way or another.

I'm sorry to read this op. You sound worried, afraid and scared of something. That is not anything close to how marriage should feel.
Your FIL situsation sounds like the tip of a.toxic iceberg.
The level of control that is needed to keep your DH and yourself silent about the will not only with your inlaws but too each other as well !!! Is not a game.

For the sake of your children, it's time to take yourself seriously and perhaps stop repressing your feelings. Allow the possibility that your being emotionally abused to surface here.

If he's really left dh out of the will and there are no other factors at play, I wouldn't bother maintaining a relationship with them going forward. I think it's quite malicious of your pil.

Nope. That's the case in Scotland. In England he can disinherit either or both sons. I'm England there's no right to an inheritance. He would typically be advised to write a letter explaining WHY he left someone out, so it's known to be definite intention rather than accident or misunderstanding. But DH most definitely can be left with nothing.

Anything left to anyone in a Will is a bonus. One should live one's life like they will inherit nothing. Don't worry about it.
Maybe the parents want a family home available for next generations, who knows. It's their choice.

That's all well and good if your parents are poor, or if they figure they've earned their own money and want to spend it all before they die on cruises and living it up - more power to them.

That's completely different from when they do leave a significant amount, but for no apparent reason, decide that one child will get that big 'bonus' but the others won't.

Your money whilst you're alive is completely different in context from your money after you've died. The former is practical, to provide for your own needs and wants and to fund your life; the latter is mainly symbolic of how much you do or don't love your family members.

It's not about the money, it's about the message it sends when you exclude one. It's cruel. I'd remember this when they need care when they are elderly. If I don't mean anything to them, let the golden child care for them. I'll get on with living my own life with people who I do rank with.

Might help resolving this now, even if the situation gets a little heated (aka nasty). Else, once FIL is no more, this could leave long term scars on his children's relationship.

Bit of a waste of time to ask you to review it OP, he wanted to check it was ok and you decided not to mention he has only included a child, unlikely I know, but what if this is an oversight?

My DM has left half to me and half to my DNs but there is a back story - DB is hopeless with money.
I am not sure if DB knows this.

Send him a bill for reviewing the will.

Initiate duck protocol in your marriage

Yeah that sounds malicious tbh, you’d only do that if you enjoyed watching people get upset. They are not a close family, close loving families just don’t do that. I wouldn’t bother talking to him about it, it won’t change and by the sounds of it he would enjoy you asking.

Your husband doesn’t sound great tbh. I understand that many marriages end up plodding along and spouses just get on with the business of life/kids etc, but most people should be able to have frank conversations with their spouses. Also your inheritance is your to spend/invest not his. I would 100% share with my DH but then we talk about everything and have a happy mutually respectful and trusting relationship. If he had to the cheek to try to allocate a gift to me before I had even received it he wouldn’t be seeing a penny of it.

Does your FIL know that you and your DH are unhappy together? Do you think it’s possible this is a fake will designed to encourage you to leave as you realise you won’t have a claim on the estate? Far fetched, I know, but you never know with people? Would he like to see you two split up?

You sound so sad and suppressed, reconciled to your fate. There really is a world out there, which is better than this. I don’t think the majority of marriages are like yours at all. It may only appear so to you because women tend to come here to complain and ask for advice when things are going wrong.

Please do keep talking. Try to find a solution to your situation. It is far more important to break the cycle for the next generation, ie your children than to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage. I get that’s hard as I think you’re saying you depend on your in laws for childcare.

If this is the case, I would quietly go about looking into how to move closer to your parents, getting all financials together and so forth. Even if that means leaving without telling him.

If you are able, book off the next school holiday and go and stay with family. Talk to them about how controlled and unhappy you are, but only if you can can trust they will say nothing. Swear them to secrecy. They love you very much and may already realise something terrible is going on. And please, keep posting.

@Mummyoflittledragon such a good post and good advice.
@EE1980 I'm so so sorry you're in this situation . Sadly I think you need to remove yourself from this situation. Your children will pick up on things , don't let them think this is normal.

.I don't think your FIL was necessarily trying to be cruel.
I don't know what logic has informed his decision but I do believe that he was trying to forewarn his son .

'I wonder if the will that your FIL gave you was only for show. That the real will does provide for your husband, however he wants you to believe that he will not inherit and your husband is aware of the deception and intends to hide the assets."
Could this possibly be true??
Good luck

If the marriage is dead why not divorce him? How old are the kids?