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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If someone said this to you

137 replies

CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:19

Basically, DH friends wife is an arse pt 2. from the other day!

I had to go out with this woman amongst others last night (long standing arrangement I couldn't get out of)

Her sneering continued as do her snide, belittling comments.

I paid for my meal in cash. She was all sneering and smirky. "Why are you paying cash" in a you're from the 1940's kind of way 🙄
So, I explain I do often use cash. Just making innocent chat, I say I also prefer to use it for mine and DH monthly food budget. I find it stops me from overspending when it's actually hard cash rather than flashing my card at the checkout. I've trialled it for the last few months and find it works better for me. (She then says in front of everyone, "I'm not meaning to sound like I'm being funny towards you, but we do this with our child". (Whilst smirking and sneering the whole time). "Why can't you budget properly, we have weekly menus and food spreadsheets".

I wanted to tell her to fk right off with her condescending, belittling comment!! And who the fk has menu spreadsheets. To keep the peace I didn't. Obviously unloaded it all on poor DH when he picked me up.

This woman makes snide jibes towards me all the time. I'm literally done with going out with her.

Am I overreacting or would it grind your gears too??

OP posts:
Khvdrt · 01/10/2023 09:27

I would say something to her; perfectly polite but calling her out. I wouldn’t sit there letting someone talk to me like that; I remember your post the other day and if you can’t avoid her then say something. I suspect everyone else is thinking the same and it’s not going to change unless you say something

Tinkerbyebye · 01/10/2023 09:32

i would say something, even if it’s do you mean to be so rude, belittling me?

But tbh as you didn’t I would now be telling dh you simply won’t be attending any events where she is. He can go on his own

Pumpkinpie1 · 01/10/2023 09:34

What a horrible entitled woman you need to brush up on your retorts bully’s do t like it x

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 01/10/2023 09:36

'Isn't it great we've both found ways that work for us?', followed by a sickeningly sweet smile.

Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:37

Khvdrt · 01/10/2023 09:27

I would say something to her; perfectly polite but calling her out. I wouldn’t sit there letting someone talk to me like that; I remember your post the other day and if you can’t avoid her then say something. I suspect everyone else is thinking the same and it’s not going to change unless you say something

I really couldn't get out of this particular arrangement as was long standing. I went with total trepidation knowing she would jibe. I feel like this was the nail in the coffin. I did say I couldn't be arsed with menu spreadsheets 😂 my face kind of said it all I think. If going out with someone makes you come home passed off every time in my opinion there's just no point.
I just wondered if I'm over reacting or if this would grate in others. Either way, I'm done.

OP posts:
CasaAmarela · 01/10/2023 09:38

Just stop going out with her!!!

CasaAmarela · 01/10/2023 09:39

Cross posted but good that you won't be seeing her anymore.

Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:39

Pumpkinpie1 · 01/10/2023 09:34

What a horrible entitled woman you need to brush up on your retorts bully’s do t like it x

DH said this! It's strange because I'm usually fairly good but for some reason I just freeze with anger and shock. Everyone else just looked at the floor and tumbleweed ensued!

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 01/10/2023 09:39

Stop going out with them.

If its unavoidable, just stop giving her information/ammo to use against you

ASCCM · 01/10/2023 09:42

I would have said something like ‘ it’s the only way to launder all our drug money’

then moved the conversation on !

what a cow, none of her business

Balloonhearts · 01/10/2023 09:42

God, she needs a hobby. Anyone making a spreadsheet of their meals either has a medical problem or far too much time on their hands.

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 01/10/2023 09:42

I used to work with someone like this. She was an absolute arsehole to me. The day she left my place of work I took my DH out for a celebratory meal! I hope you don't have to keep seeing her x

Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:44

GreyCarpet · 01/10/2023 09:39

Stop going out with them.

If its unavoidable, just stop giving her information/ammo to use against you

I've told DH I'm never going out with her again. He was completely understanding. I will forever be unavailable here on in and stick to my lovely friends who don't make me feel like 💩
DH thinks I should tell her, but tbh she would just say she was 'joking' and can't really be arsed with the drama. Hopefully she will get the hint when I never see her again.

OP posts:
Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:45

Balloonhearts · 01/10/2023 09:42

God, she needs a hobby. Anyone making a spreadsheet of their meals either has a medical problem or far too much time on their hands.

😂😂 Thank God I'm not the only one who doesn't do meal spreadsheets

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 01/10/2023 09:47

Your other friends all sound a bit wet though. Who listens to someone niggling at someone else like that and doesn't say anything?

TotalOverhaul · 01/10/2023 09:47

Just give her a glittering false smile and say, "I do things differently from you. Is that OK?"

Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:48

She's just WhatsApped me chit chat about the night. I haven't opened it but can see it. I don't want to get into chat again 😕

OP posts:
BadLad · 01/10/2023 09:49

Never explain your life to people whom you don't like.

Next time play it like this:

Her: Why are you doing whatever she wants to look down on you for.

You (with puzzled frown): That's my business.

If she persists, just say you're not going into it.

OhNoForever · 01/10/2023 09:51

Mute, forever

frazzledasarock · 01/10/2023 09:51

CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:48

She's just WhatsApped me chit chat about the night. I haven't opened it but can see it. I don't want to get into chat again 😕

Block her.

HappiestSleeping · 01/10/2023 09:52

I f you ever do find yourself in her company again, when you feel like she's about to give you the benefit of her wisdom, just say:-

"If you have an opinion, now would be a good time to keep it to yourself."

Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 09:52

OhNoForever · 01/10/2023 09:51

Mute, forever

This.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 01/10/2023 09:57

It would irritate me yes and I think I would respond to her snipes and hold my ground. If it was an ongoing thing I'd maybe turn it into a joke (at her expense). She then has a choice to take the hit with good grace or keep it up. I'd also be thinking about if l actually need to be in this woman's company at all.

SquirrelFan · 01/10/2023 10:02

Never thought I'd trot out the old Mumsnet staple, 'Did you mean to be so rude?' but this seems like a good use for it...

Original poster
CloakandDagger1 · 01/10/2023 10:04

SquirrelFan · 01/10/2023 10:02

Never thought I'd trot out the old Mumsnet staple, 'Did you mean to be so rude?' but this seems like a good use for it...

It's every single time I'm in her company. She has no friends and the odd ones she did have, don't have anything to do with her anymore. I see why!

OP posts: