If someone said this to you

[CloakandDagger1]

Basically, DH friends wife is an arse pt 2. from the other day!

I had to go out with this woman amongst others last night (long standing arrangement I couldn't get out of)

Her sneering continued as do her snide, belittling comments.

I paid for my meal in cash. She was all sneering and smirky. "Why are you paying cash" in a you're from the 1940's kind of way 🙄
So, I explain I do often use cash. Just making innocent chat, I say I also prefer to use it for mine and DH monthly food budget. I find it stops me from overspending when it's actually hard cash rather than flashing my card at the checkout. I've trialled it for the last few months and find it works better for me. (She then says in front of everyone, "I'm not meaning to sound like I'm being funny towards you, but we do this with our child". (Whilst smirking and sneering the whole time). "Why can't you budget properly, we have weekly menus and food spreadsheets".

I wanted to tell her to fk right off with her condescending, belittling comment!! And who the fk has menu spreadsheets. To keep the peace I didn't. Obviously unloaded it all on poor DH when he picked me up.

This woman makes snide jibes towards me all the time. I'm literally done with going out with her.

Am I overreacting or would it grind your gears too??

Don't do anything that you know is going to give her the opportunity to have a go at you, so in future if you're out with her pay by card.

I have a family member a bit like this, and once I pick up on something they can use to have a go at me, if it's not something that's going to cause too much inconvenience, like using a card to pay, then I'd just do it.

I won't be seeing her again.
I'm home alone and MN is a good place to just let off some steam and so you don't feel like you're going mad really, that's all. I also wonder if I'm over dramatising her comments so it helps to hear I'm within my rights and others would find it annoying too. Thats all really.

Am I overreacting or would it grind your gears too??

You don't even need to ask this question, let alone start another thread about her.

MN will only ever hear one side of this story and obviously it's your side, so there's little point in wondering what others might think.

The overwhelming advice on your other thread was to ditch her.

Ahhh I think I saw your previous thread.

I would have subtly "said you seem overly invested in my life choices it seems so odd to compare me to your child by using cash, are you ok ?"

”You make spreadsheets of your meals? Fuck me, get a life”.

She sounds like Arnold Rimmer.

I read your thread yesterday and tbh no matter what my DH would think I would be telling this bitch to fuck right off. Sometimes people just need telling. Or if you really can't do that then start getting really sneery back to her. You shouldn't have to feel like you've got to be polite to someone who is constantly making you feel that way

I've made meal plans in the past, and they helped me feel more organised. I have also done as you do, and paid in cash. The issue isn't in doing any of these things per se, it's more the not being able to understand how someone else might prefer do things differently.

I have spreadsheets of meals.

I have spreadsheets for EVERYTHING.

😁

Spreadsheets appear to be like Marmite!

For the record I love the first and hate the latter!

I'll admit to spending more time on Excel than the average person who no longer has to use it for work purposes......

Why are you justifying using cash to her by telling her about your grocery shopping? Next time she says something just shrug and turn your back on her or fake rummage in your bag or something, anything rather than directly respond to her silly snide remarks. Stop feeding her information for her to beat you with. Keep your chat basic, nice weather etc. or ignore her completely.

She is horrible, you know this, so when she asked why you paid cash why not give a minimal answer ‘just using it up’ or ‘still legal tender’ and change the subject with someone else. Why start going on about your weekly food shop? Whatever extra and unnecessary info you had given her would always have been fuel for her fire.

Reply with

"after last night, you have confirmed what I think of you. You're an irritating twat and I won't be wasting anymore of my time on you. Have a great day."

Why are you giving her fuel? Stop justifying your choices to her! Why are you paying in cash? Because it works for me. Because I want to. Because I know you won't approve. Why do you ask?

Promise me that next time you're invited to something that you will decline and if they push for a reason you tell the truth. Because I don't want to.

OP, I completely get this - and I also understand that sometimes we find ourselves in group situations which we can't (in the real world) avoid. When I've encountered this kind of person I've taken steps to get them out of my life, but sometimes it's not an easy or quick process due to the involvement of other friends.

In one of my hobby groups there's a woman who really hates me. She is utterly sweet and supportive to all the others, but is a complete cow to me! I literally cannot say anything without either a snide remark or her totally disagreeing with me (always in a sneering way). If I said 'Isn't it a lovely day?', she'd disagree with that. I'm a pretty confident person and have lots of good mates, but I have to say I feel butterflies in my stomach when I know I'm seeing the group with her. I can't be mean to her or tell anyone else because she is a totally different person with all of them. I know this is sort of what she wants me to do - so that I'll look like the baddie, and I'm not falling into that trap!

I've given up trying to fathom out her antipathy. It's not the (corny MN 'she's jealous!) but I think she may feel threatened, which is different. I'm very much 'on her territory' in terms of our interests, backgrounds, personalities etc and I think she's used to being seen as the alpha-female of the group.

So, what I'm saying in a long-winded way is that some people are threatened by us and wait like trap-door spiders to pounce. It doesn't matter what you say or how uncontroversial it is, or even if you decide to sit in silence - they will GET you!! So frustrating. All those pps who think it's an easy problem to solve - I'l like them to really give a practical plan, because I'd be interested! Where you can withdraw from these groups - fine - problem solved. But sometimes it's not really possible, as for my hobby group, for eg, where I get on well with all the others. If I were to put her down publicly - she'd have won, because that's kind of what she want to provoke (I suppose it's narcissistic behaviour, isn't it? Being nasty and then playing victim?).

(She then says in front of everyone, "I'm not meaning to sound like I'm being funny towards you, but we do this with our child". (Whilst smirking and sneering the whole time). "Why can't you budget properly, we have weekly menus and food spreadsheets".

Gosh that level of household management must leave with little time to develop your social skills.

You need to be very blunt with her.

”why are you paying with cash?”

”Because I am”

”Why though?”

”Because I am. What’s it got to do with you “

”That’s what we do with our child…”

”Good for you”

If she carries on you can just say you’re not being rude but you don’t care how she does things.

I can’t help but feel she makes these snarky comments to you and not others because she knows she can get away with it.

When someone said something similar to me, I said “why would you even say that, that’s just weird” - she was expecting me to not say anything back and when I did she was shocked and ran off crying. It wasn’t even nasty.

Northbright · Today 10:09

She's bullying you so don't react like she wants you to or get angry or upset. I think a great tactic in these situations is to just laugh in a really friendly, cheery way each time she's being horrible as if shes being totally hilarious - look at her really fondly when she talks about spreadsheets. It really takes the wind out of people's sails and she won't continue for much longer.

This is good advice, I think. Don't let them see they've got to you, and don't give them a reward for their meanness.

If she goes on about doing spreadsheets etc you can say something like “sounds like you’ve got too much time on your hands, perhaps you should get a hobby instead”

Are you Johnson from Peep Show?

Just keep saying to her ‘you do you’. That’ll get on her nerves soon enough.

I was thinking this. I’d have have piped up if I was witnessing this - even if they weren’t my friends!

Why should the OP change the way she pays for things which suits her because of snide comments from someone? If she wants to pay by cash, she should carry on-it’s not as if it’s harming anyone. OP tell your snarky ‘’friend’ each to their own and if she persists tell her it must be tiring finding fault with other people. That should shut her up.

I've never watched Peep Show so have no idea what that all means.

Why are so many people criticising the other person for the spreadsheets? Her attitude is the issue, not that she uses spreadsheets!

I haven’t read your other thread but based on this it sounds like a non issue that you’ve taken to heart. You just have different ways of doing things.