PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

@Charlize43 no bus feeding! But if I ever do it in public such as a cafe I always cover up to respect other people’s views on it

WHO actually say breastfeed to 2 years and beyond if mother and child want to.
If you find you don't want to stop at 2 keep going - what everyone else thinks is irrelevant.

I breastfed my son until he was nearly 4. Most people wouldn't know because after the age of 1 it was mostly only indoors at home.

I found it hard at times but I'm glad I did it. At the end it was only every few days and then weeks.

Local La Leche League was good for support and meeting others in similar position.

My son is 6 and has "milkies" at bedtime. It was never my intention to breastfeed for this long but it does change as they get older, much less frequent, and it definitely still has benefits- DS is hardly ever ill, never had an ear infection etc, which has been massively beneficial for school. Thankfully, I've never had negative comments. The Facebook group that's already been recommended "Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond" is really good, specifically for those feeding children over a year old (there's a sister group for babies under a year too "Breastfeeding Younger Babies and Beyond"). This question gets asked a lot, my suggestion is to say "why are you so interested in my boobs?"

Hi OP, I've noticed that most of the people who think it's weird can't really tell you why. That's because it's cultural and we are taught from a young age that breasts are sexual and formula feeding is the normal way to feed a baby. The infant formula industry is a master of marketing and these messages have been embedded into us for the last 3 - 4 generations. Many mothers breastfeed below the age of 1 because they know its best for their babies, but the idea of it being weird if they feed for longer is deeply ingrained. There are countries in the world where your feeding choices would be totally unremarkable.

I had the bloody dentist telling me repeatedly to stop breastfeeding my baby as I was going to ruin his teeth!!!!!! Honestly it was crazy.

Ok and guess what!? He self weaned at 24 months and he is now eight with perfect teeth 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I have to admit my friend was still breastfeeding when her DS was 4 and it did make me uncomfortable for reasons I would struggle to articulate. It was just strange to have a conversation with a child that was over my waist height who could walk across the room and unbutton his mum’s blouse. I guess for me it’s when they are full on toddlers rather than babies it does give me the ick sorry!

Or as my DH says no child should grow up remembering being breastfed.

But as pp, I don’t say anything. Not my business.

@peachesarenom thank you - i think that’s a really good thing to remember in general. I know I’m guilty of making off the cuff remarks that have caused issue in the past. Some people might just be making conversation!

I breastfed until my DD was 3. Not in public though. She naturally weaned herself off eventually. Just ignore the comments. Nothing to do with them, just do what’s right for you both

My favourite reply is “you know it burns 600 calories a day? So whichever comes first, I’m a size 8 or she turns 18” usually with a deadpan expression.

I was feeding my 2 yo in the park and a woman starting chatting and then said that she was really surprised I was British as she didn’t think British mothers breastfed their toddlers.

I breastfed both mine until they were 2.5 and tandem fed to. I pretty much only had positive comments except from MIL who kept saying "are you going to feed them until they are teenagers and "they really don't need your milk anymore"

Also no problems with her teeth

I'd guess it is because you (like me) have been brought up in a culture where we learn that breasts are for sexual pleasure.

For me, the discomfort would come from hearing your toddler ask for boobies... and I fed my 2 eldest until 18 months and 2. They never referred to milk as boobies and I don't intend for my new baby to either. It is just milk as PP said.

I've never really had any negatively (apart from my own mum, but thats a whole thread to itself🙄) so I wonder if word use plays into it?

@whattodo22222 that’s so interesting thanks for sharing, you are so right it does seem ingrained in our culture for it to be wrong after 1.

When I breastfed my kids, I always did it in my own home or in a toilet/baby changing facility, never out in public. As my DH says, pooping is a natural bodily need but you wouldn't go and shit in the middle of town square so why is breastfeeding any different?

But that's just me I guess

How do they know you're BFing? I BF to 3.5 years and had no negative comments at all - but I didn't BF outside the house after about 12 months (no need to as only BFing twice a day by then) so most people wouldn't have been aware I was still BFing?

Comparing breastfeeding to ‘pooping?’ Does he eat in public or take his dinner into the toilets?

I wouldn’t say anything but it makes me feel nauseous seeing older children being breastfed. It feels deeply uncomfortable. I think it’s the incest connection that I find disturbing, even if it’s not intended that way. I don’t see any point in continuing after a certain point, and I am not sure it’s healthy. Six year old children should not be breastfed. There comes a time when it just becomes weird.
Children should be eating a more than adequate nutritional diet by toddler age to make breastfeeding a pointless exercise.

It might feel invasive to child to keep being offered ‘Milkies’ after a certain point but how would they verbalise it?

No judgement here but I did have to catch myself from staring too long at my friend who began to breastfeed her son at playgroup who is a couple of months older than my two year old. I had to really force my face into neutral when she started to chat to me and it wasn’t from judging her but I was definitely half eyeing up my own feral toddler thinking, “no way could I do that. He has teeth now, he’d bite my nipple off. He already uses me as his personal climbing frame, never mind using me as a free drinks machine”. I often feel completely touched out by my toddler at the end of the day and the thought of breastfeeding him at 2 and beyond makes me start to sweat with fear.

Though I will also add (light hearted) that I wish after 18 months people just used the actual age of their baby just say he is 2 rather than my 24 month year old…I know it’s the breaking them away from a new born to a baby but I can’t deal with the mental math when it’s not obvious (my 33 month old = me 🤯➕✖️➗🟰🔵➗🟡 😂)

I fed til 2.5 and 3.5 and a bit with my two. No regrets.

my now 4.5 year old DS fell over at the park today and hurt himself and I found myself wishing I could whip a boob out to soothe him which is odd as it’s been such a long time but it’s truly such a comfort to them.

Continue til you and your child are done. Don’t bother to explain.

@CowboyJoanna you’re joking right? Breastfeeding is FEEDING. Your husband wouldn’t eat his tea in a public loo so why should your baby.

I used to say "(I'll breastfeed) until he goes to university". With a smile. It did the trick.