PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

Don't let other people's attitudes make you stop before you're ready.

Still going strong at 3 here. My child and I are both perfectly happy with the arrangement and that's all that matters.

Be less apologetic and practice your death stare.

I don't think I had any comments bar one very rude older lady in a restaurant once when my son was very small.

My son stopped at around 2 I think. Like PP I'd be asking why they're so interested in what I do with my tits.

I do think you’re right in some cases but even when I push back and say I’m happy to do it until she’s at least 2, they do continue with the comments. I’m starting to wonder if it’s the people I have in my life 😅 I do live in a small Yorkshire village, sounds like places like London are far more open to it @PinkMoscatoLover

I'm still breastfeeding at 23 months and I've had the iTs NoT BeNeFiCiaL AfTeR 1
. I also plan to breastfeed for the rest of this year. People can bore off

I would never judge but if you are genuinely looking for insight - I had a friend who bf until nearly 3 and another mutual friend thought it was a bit wrong. She never said anything to her face I don't think but she told me that she thought it was uncomfortable that her DD would just go up to her and say 'boobies' and she would always comply. My friend did acknowledge it was purely a comfort thing, her DD was fully weaned and ate loads, and tbh she is a child who really pushes boundaries and my friend struggles with saying no....That's kind of all irrelevant but maybe people find it a weird thing after children are old enough to talk? Maybe it's a size thing? Some people might think it's odd to have a big 3 year old (in her case) still drinking from a breast?

I want to make clear this isn't me, i desperately wish I could have bf my child and I would never judge you, but you did ask for possible reasons so just putting some forward. I think you have every right to tell anybody commenting that it's none of their business.

One other thought I had was that I used to take pride in my appearance pre baby and now I just don’t have the energy or time to put on a nice outfit or do my makeup etc. so I’m wondering if they’re associating it with my rough looking appearance 😅 I’m not being over the top here either, I genuinely didn’t leave home without eyeliner done, dress, always heels etc. now its concealer for the bags and if I’m lucky an ironed top and jeans.

maybe other thinking it but sounds like people haven’t had as many comments so curious as to why!

Mmm it could be! I live in London so see a toddler being breastfed all the time tbh. I’m unsure about my personal feelings towards it but I still wouldn’t be rude enough to say that to the parent!

ooo would you mind sharing your feelings as I genuinely want to understand the other point of view (no worries if not though!) @PinkMoscatoLover

I think after the baby stage, so after 1, it's more unusual as they're running around little people who are munching full meals so then people start wondering why? Is ut because you want to? You enjoy it? Or because you think your child isn't eating the right diet etc? It's more socially acceptable to feed a baby who needs milk-so under 1, than a toddler who can get vitamins from food.
By the way I breast fed and I'm not agreeing with all of this but I didn't bf after baby stage. Each to their own. I would not comment on others parenting choices.

I'm still breastfeeding my 20 month old. In public (in her carrier, or in the huge field at the park, beach, etc), when she wakes, before nap, and before bed. Plus injuries or illness. She's also brilliant with food (my first has suspected ARFID, wasn't breastfed past a week due to allergies, tongue tie, reflux).

I've never had anything except the odd kind comment at a baby group or from family, and nothing from strangers. I'm supposed to go on an annual conference to Africa for a week, but since taking this new job while on maternity, my boss has not required me to purely because I'm still breastfeeding. She's lovely. This will be my second year not going.

Tell people to get to fuck. If your baby is happy and healthy, and you're happy to continue, it's not their business.

Edited to add - my dd is on the smaller side and has recently become short and lost her leg and arm rolls, so possibly people think she's younger than she is. Her lack of measurable hair probably doesn't help!

@Winnipeggy that’s really useful thank you! She does do exactly that (‘boobies’ and points) which often leads to the comments. Tricky as I have no idea how to stop that approach (we have no set times for breastfeeding as it’s really more for comfort at this stage as she eats plenty throughout the day, so I can’t predict when she’ll want it and take her off to the side)

Tell them that they can talk about your breastfeeding where they're not stood there with useless as fuck nipples

Similar to pp, I can’t really articulate why! I agree that once they’re old enough to put the boob in their mouth it does make me think this emoji (😕). Maybe because they’re a bit older and they can possibly have a snack instead? Or a cup of milk.

I have a 17 month old and a 2.4 year old and I genuinely couldn’t imagine breastfeeding either one of them right now. It’d just be a bit awkward for me but that’s my own choice. I don’t judge anyone else for their choice or make statements. My auntie breastfed her daughter until she was about 3 and I thought it was madness. She’d bite her and all sorts. I just couldn’t get my head around it personally!

It's a funny thing. Almost overnight after she had turned 1, we had raised eyebrows and asking if I was going to wean soon. Dd is now 2.5yrs and down to one feed at night. But it's this dirty secret that I'm still BF.

@Iammetoday thank you that’s really useful and good to understand a different point of view. I don’t ever offer her breastfeeding it’s just when she wants it, and as you say it isn’t for the food aspect really as she eats plenty. I just don’t want to take something away that gives her comfort

I’ve breastfed both of mine until they were two and got lots of remarks for it.

one that particularly annoyed me at the time was from my best friend who only breastfed hers until 6months, she’s always very direct and she was just very surprised I was breastfeeding for so long. With her second she’s decided to breastfeed for as long as she’s able to even after returning to work as she has realised the benefits. So I think sometimes people are just unaware of the benefits and for some reason think breastfeeding is only for babies. I understand it doesn’t work for everyone, but if you’re able to breastfeed why would you stop earlier, bottle fed babies often have their bottles even till 3years old and they rarely get remarks for being too old.

Fed all of mine up to 2… I am honestly so surprised when I hear these stories because I never had one negative comment!

if anything it was “oh wow well done” or something like that

sorry it’s not very helpful, but well done you and good luck for as long as you continue

Old skool MN retort is perfect here

"Did you mean to be so rude?"
<withering hard stare>

Mine stopped when HE was ready.

Why should he have stopped because other people were bothered by their own stupid prejudices?

If nothing else it's better than all the ultra crap that people feed their kids without thought.

Fuck em!

Ok, so I have a slightly different take.

I breastfed both my kids to 3+. Yet I still ask my friends who are breastfeeding (and other people I know/ meet) "are you still breastfeeding". I don't mean judgement about it. I'm simply asking if they've weaned yet!

Maybe they are jealous or feel guilty or just making conversation?

I would just say 'this works for us and it's great nutrition for dc! What are you feeding yours?' And watch them hide with shame that they're just offering fish fingers and pouches or change the subject to all the amazing cooked from scratch baby food they're doing!

Don't let them put you off, you do what is best for you and your child! I always thought I would stop at 2, but ended up feeding until DS was over 3 (I stopped then as I was pregnant and my boobs hurt!). It was just convenient - a good way to comfort him, or get him to nap and sometimes the only thing he could keep down when he had a tummy bug.

The only negative comments I got were from my FIL, they got better when I only fed DS out of sight and didn't directly refer to feeding him - can you feed DC in a bedroom or something instead of in front of family? You shouldn't have to but it might help with the comments. Maybe. Similarly no need to mention it to work colleagues, you don't need an excuse not to drink heavily, just say you don't feel like it/ that's all you want.

Or I would say 'maybe when she's in secondary school or 13 or 14' sarcastically

I went up to 2y3m.

The comments drove me nuts. Even DH started making the occasional comment after DS was over 18 months. It’s my body and my choice and it’s not harming anyone, so what is it to anyone that I was still breastfeeding.

I would either say I’m planning to soon or say WHO guidance says to breastfeed until two so that’s my target

Yes this sounds the same, I was never bothered by it but our other friend definitely didn't like it. I guess people might not get the 'feeding for comfort' although it's no different than offering some warm cows milk etc which is often just for comfort too. She never would have said anything to make our friend feel bad though and I'm really sorry you are experiencing this.