PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

I think most mums who breastfeed babies older than one are fairly keen to stop....I know plenty who've carried on until 2.5 or older but they've been clear that it was a case of needing it to get the child to sleep,or doing it because the child insisted rather than something they actually wanted to be doing. Most mums do want their body back, to be able to wear dresses etc.

Being sympathetic isn't the same as shaming someone ... Maybe you're mistaking some of the comments? If you were using it as a reason not to have a drink then that would be deserving of sympathy (by the way there's no need to avoid alcohol when breastfeeding, it doesn't get into milk in any quantity, however much you drink).

Mine both self weaned at 15 months and I wasn't unhappy about that!

@Oiyouoverthere hm I’m going to remember this as I think whilst some comments are more obviously judgemental, I wonder if some people just mean this out of curiosity. That’s really helpful thanks!

Started saying when he goes to college

I think that’s another reason why actually. They don’t actually need it at that age so it makes me think, ‘well why are you still doing it then?’ They’ll get their nutrients, vitamins and energy from the food that they’re eating so the breastmilk isn’t really doing much.

It’s different when they’re under 1 because obviously it helps build up their immune system and there’s much more other benefits. Again though, I wouldn’t say anything to anyone! It’s not my place and not my business either tbh

I'm BF DD at 8 months and my mom is already asking why I'm still doing it 🙃

I just say because it's working for us (me and DD) right now and I'll stop when either of us want to. It is annoying though to be asked about it but I think sometimes people are genuinely curious.

I would just stare at the person and ask ' what has it got to do with you? '
If they answer, just repeat the question again.
It works wonders I find.

I still feed my two and a half year old and whilst actually in the UK I haven't had any issues we are currently on holiday in France and getting lots of disgusted looks. If I don't agree to it though there's endless 'I want booby!' which is usually at top volume and extremely embarrassing. Definitely weaning soon though, I've kept going as it's her comfort but with a second baby as well I'm now feeling touched out. I'd ignore any comments and just say 'yep, still going just like you qnd your questions....!'

@WillowCraft i definitely agree that it causes its limitations with clothing, night feeds etc but I can hand on heart say that I enjoy it and don’t feel in a rush to stop or get my boobs back. I genuinely see it as bonding time (but even my partner finds this weird!)

i didn’t know that about the booze so thank you!!

Who cares what they think? Ignore them, you are doing something amazing! I really struggled with establishing breastfeeding and ended up combi feeding after the first week and then exclusively formula feeding after just a few weeks. I really wish I had done what you have. I'm hoping with more knowledge I can successfully breast feed with my next baby. Be proud of what you are doing!

WHO recommended feeding until 2 and beyond

I will feed my child as I feel fit. It is no one else's business how I feed my baby

People need to learn to just feck off

I fed until just before she turned two and did have a few comments as well. To be honest I was pretty fed up of it by then, it was just finding a good time to start cutting her off and she kept getting a bug that would put it back a little further.

I always said I'd stop before my kids have a way to vocalise wanting it. The idea of my kids asking for boob or similar with words really icked me out.

@CarolDunne deffo going to try this, love it! 😂

I used to breastfeed my 15 month old at a group we attended. Several years later I ran into a woman I knew from that group and the first thing she said to me was "I hope you're not still breastfeeding!". I was dumbfounded.
I've never forgotten that comment. She didn't say anything when we were in the baby group together but she must have thought it to remember it in association with my face.

You do you, but as you asked for reservations…

Mine wouldn’t be an ick factor or anything, it would honestly be that I associate breastfeeding with being the default parent / dad skipping out on doing nights, mum practically being tethered to the child even in the day etc. I really don’t know how to square the health advantages of breastfeeding, that I’m aware of, with the fact that I think it puts an unfair burden women. So there is a part of my that would feel sorry for you, but I would never say so.

I’m sure lots of people will be irritated by this (sorry!) and I am happy to be educated if people have found ways to parent equitably whilst breastfeeding.

@autumnmakesmehappy thank you that is really kind!

I find even the thought of it (breastfeeding a child older than an infant) nauseating, so no way I'd comment on it. Actually I'd try to remove myself, or at least change the subject, to avoid dwelling on it.
It baffles me that people who'd think negatively about it would comment on it, surely then they're drawing their own attention to it even more? Why, that's masochism!

I bfd until my dc were 3. Then gradually it became just a bedtime feed. People need to mind their own business - WHO recommend until at least age 2. My dc were and are happy and healthy.

Well done for doing what you believe in OP, your dc will benefit.

People are idiots that’s why OP. :( I experienced it too many times but stuck with it until DD was two and I was having a ruptured cyst removed right beneath my breast … I was able to explain to DD it was too painful for me to carry on and she accepted it. By that point I was bored of it though - you’re likely right and I was just bored of being judged.

I never had any negative comment, but it does feel a bit lonely to be the only one "still doing it" in playgroups etc.
Mind you, I do look scary indeed with my resting bitch face/stare in my perma-sleep deprived state, so that may be the the reason why no one dares 🤔🤣

We're 26 months into our BF journey and I'm still breastfeeding in public everywhere, to be honest I do not care if this offends anyone. There are many benefits to prolonged BF, unfortunately most people are simply misinformed about how precious our milk is. Especially now the season of bugs and viruses is in full swing.

Sorry you have to deal with such negativity. Don't let it get to you though. You're giving your LO the best possible start in life!

And I second someone upthread who recommended joining the FB group for Breastfeeding older children. It's truly one of the loveliest corner of the internet 😌

@PinkMoscatoLover its not true that breastmilk after one isn’t doing much. It still has a huge number of benefits including boosting immune system. https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

That's great. There are loads of benefits to carrying on, especially comfort related, it's not true that there's no benefit as someone said, especially when children are ill or travelling etc.

I do wonder why you would teach your child the word booby though. That seems odd and cringey. It's milk that they want so teach them to ask for milk and it will be less embarrassing!

@sjj28358 i would feel the same! The worst comment that’s got me (which I should probably let go of so I don’t sour our relationship) is from my best friend who is usually the most laid back and lovely person. But her words were ‘if you do it past 2 I will judge you’. As I was complaining about being judged by people 🙈

My dd has bf two of hers until well after 3. I don’t know whether she’s had ‘anti’ comments, but if she did, she’d just ignore them.

My eldest daughter is nearly 40 and l breastfed for nearly 3 years.. l fed her everywhere.. ( discreetly) l had one problem in all that time and would you believe it was in McDonalds? The manager came up to me and told me to go to the toilet to feed her because people were having their lunch.
My response was.." well my baby us also having her lunch.. so why not ask the people that don't like it to go eat their lunch in the toilet because my baby isn't. ( Obviously now things have changed.
No one questioned me why l was still breastfeeding her at that age.. but l didn't know any friends or family members that would be so ignorant.

@WillowCraft i know i fully regret ever calling them that but I just thought she was too young to pick it up (she went from babbling to suddenly saying words very quickly) But I will start calling it milk and hope it catches on!