PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

Hey @KnittedCardi do you have any sources/links for this as a few people have mentioned that about the WHO so would be keen to learn more about this

Would I say anything, no, of course not, but I would secretly feel sorry for you!

Why would you feel 'sorry' for anyone making choices that are right for them? 😵‍💫

I mean, why even say something like this without checking your facts. You’re wrong, by the way. The WHO says:

‘WHO and UNICEF recommend that children initiate breastfeeding within the first hour of birth and be exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of life – meaning no other foods or liquids are provided, including water.
Infants should be breastfed on demand – that is as often as the child wants, day and night. No bottles, teats or pacifiers should be used.
From the age of 6 months, children should begin eating safe and adequate complementary foods while continuing to breastfeed for up to two years of age or beyond.’

And they also say:

Breastfeeding is one of the most effective ways to ensure child health and survival. However, contrary to WHO recommendations, fewer than half of infants under 6 months old are exclusively breastfed.
Breastmilk is the ideal food for infants. It is safe, clean and contains antibodies which help protect against many common childhood illnesses. Breastmilk provides all the energy and nutrients that the infant needs for the first months of life, and it continues to provide up to half or more of a child’s nutritional needs during the second half of the first year, and up to one third during the second year of life.
Breastfed children perform better on intelligence tests, are less likely to be overweight or obese and less prone to diabetes later in life. Women who breastfeed also have a reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers.
Inappropriate marketing of breast-milk substitutes continues to undermine efforts to improve breastfeeding rates and duration worldwide.

The politics of breastfeeding is a brilliant book. I'm super grateful we have formula- Baby 1 needed it at birth and for a few days afterwards. How amazing is that, that we have it? I would love there to be a low priced 'national milk' that can be accessed by all who want or need it. But there's also a very very strong profit incentive for making people feel grossed out about breastfeeding past about 6 months or so. Why do you think follow on milk exists? So OP maybe you could just give a sad nod and say it's a shame they've been so taken in by Nestlé?

I am sure someone has mentioned 'Breastfeeding in the Land of Ghengis Khan' which is also a great read if you want to understand how culturally bound our ideas about breastfeeding are (it's an article you can find if you google).

Whatever this supposed breastfeeding movement is in the UK it's not very successful is it? Given we've got one of the worst BF rates IN THE WORLD.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, I never had any comments. I quit at 16 months because I had had enough

Why would you feel sorry for someone making their own choices they are happy with? Makes no sense

I’m still breastfeeding my 20 month old and the only comments I’ve had are my MIL asking me how long I’ll continue with it. I just tell her until 2 yrs because that’s how long the NHS recommend and she doesn’t say any
more after that. I can’t imagine getting disparaging comments from anyone about it. I’d just think they were a bit mad or stupid if I did get those sort of comments.

That thinking should go both ways (not saying you are just making the point).

The amount of judgement and pressure non breastfeeding mothers get is awful, especially when those making that judgement have no idea why that is the case

Yes that's right, vegans have weaned from breastmilk. But vegans aren't judging women for breastfeeding their children, it's celebrated and amazing!

It's just weird for you to sit there saying negative things about mums feeding their children, when it's perfectly natural, species specific milk, for the very reason of growing their own healthy children. Especially when you admit that you're still to this day, drinking amd eating breast milk..... open your mind.

For older mums choosing to breastfeed for more than 1 year.please remember to consider your bone health if you are approaching, or in, perimenopause: "Maternal Bone Health Lactation represents a homeorhetic period during which calcium absorption, usage, and excretion are systematically shifted to support milk production (8), with secretion of 240–320 mg of calcium into milk daily during peak lactation (70, 103). As such, it is reasonable to assume that lactation might lead to higher risk of bone loss, osteopenia, and osteoporosis, and some but not all studies support this assumption (e.g., 2, 49, 72), although it appears that bone remineralization occurs somewhat successfully after weaning (101). However, most studies on this topic do not examine the relationship between prolonged breastfeeding and maternal bone health. Nonetheless, Gur et al. (53) evaluated the association of cumulative breastfeeding duration (as opposed to duration of breastfeeding per child) and bone mass in 509 postmenopausal, osteoporotic Turkish women. They compared bone mineral density in several locations among women who never breastfed, breastfed for <96 months, or breastfed for ≥96 months. Overall, they found that bone mineral density at the trochanter site was highest in women who never breastfed; those women who breastfed for ≥96 months (∼19 months of breastfeeding per child) had lower bone mineral density at this site than those who breastfed for <96 months. Among the oldest women (60–80 years), breastfeeding duration was inversely correlated with bone mineral densities of the spine and Ward's triangle.
In a study of 1,486 postmenopausal Turkish women, Dursun and colleagues (41) reported that women who had breastfed (cumulatively) for <1 year had higher lumbar spine bone mineral density than those who had breastfed (cumulatively) for 1–2 years, 2–5 years, and >5 years. Similar results were found for femoral neck bone mineral density. They concluded that their data suggest a possible negative impact of long-term breastfeeding as a risk factor for postmenopausal osteoporosis. Okyay and colleagues (95) studied 542 Turkish women and found that those who had, on average, breastfed each of their children for >1 year had the highest risk for osteoporosis (odds ratio 12.92).
Conversely, Feldblum and colleagues (46) explored whether breastfeeding duration was related to bone density in 352 relatively healthy, postmenopausal US women (40–54 years). Participants were categorized as having never breastfed, having breastfed for 1–11 months, or having breastfed for ≥1 year. After adjusting for age at first lactation and recentness of the last lactation, they found no consistent trends in bone mineral density related to having breastfed for >1 year. In a study of 501 postmenopausal Turkish women, Cavkaytar et al. (24) also found no clear relationship between prolonged breastfeeding and risk of osteopenia or osteoporosis. Rojano-Mejía et al. (107) also studied the association between cumulative duration of breastfeeding and risk of osteoporosis in 567 postmenopausal Mexican mestizo women and found similar risk in women breastfeeding for a total of >3 years (roughly equivalent to 10 months/child) and those breastfeeding for a total of >4 years (about 14 months/child).
In summary, although data are conflicting and studies do not always characterize the duration of breastfeeding in a way that allows direct translation into prolonged breastfeeding, there is some evidence for a negative association between prolonged breastfeeding and maternal bone health. It should be noted that inadequate dietary consumption of calcium does not appear to drive lactation-related bone loss, and calcium supplementation during this period might have unintended negative impacts on overall maternal calcium homeostasis and bone health (102). As such, more research is needed to understand the complex interaction among diet, lactation, and bone health, including an appreciation for the likely importance of maternal vitamin D status (32). These studies should include and evaluate important contextual variables such as chronic and acute calcium and vitamin D consumption, seasonality, maternal physical activity patterns, and breastfeeding intensity beyond 1 year of life."

also remember to take care of your childs teeth!!! "Prolonged Breastfeeding and Dental Caries The relationship between prolonged breastfeeding and dental caries has been the subject of considerable recent debate. Adding to this controversy, in 2018 the British Society of Paediatric Dentistry (14) published a recommendation that women who continue to breastfeed their infants after 1 year of age work closely with their health practitioners to minimize the risk of dental decay and consider reducing on-demand and nighttime feedings. The society also recommended that after 1 year of age, the last breastfeeding session of the day take place before toothbrushing so that the last substance on the child's teeth before bedtime is fluoridated toothpaste. Although this continues to be a highly charged issue, a review of the topic by Branger et al. (16) (see the sidebar titled Prolonged Breastfeeding and Dental Health) concluded that breastfeeding beyond 1 year of age is associated with an increased risk of caries and that breastfeeding until 2 years is associated with a greater severity of caries in primary teeth, independent of sugar consumption. Nonetheless, the authors concluded that it is nearly impossible to assess causality in the currently published studies because none has adequately controlled for confounding factors. A similar conclusion was reached by Tham et al. (121)."

It's a hard issue and honestly I think the op was asking for opinions as to why done people think it's odd after a certain age- I understand the backlash of the indignant on this thread but maybe reread original post.
I worked in a preschool/ EYFS setting a long time ago and a mum came in to b feed her child at nearly 4! The other kids noticed and commented about the 'baby'. The UK doesn't have a great understanding of bf children (not babies) so the social stigma is another thing to think about.

I worked in a preschool/ EYFS setting a long time ago and a mum came in to b feed her child at nearly 4! The other kids noticed and commented about the 'baby'.

And what did you do to educate those children and encourage them not to be unkind?

The UK doesn't have a great understanding of bf children (not babies) so the social stigma is another thing to think about.

We aren't going to tackle stupid social stigmas by continuing to fold to them, are we?

@Croissantsandpistachio thanks for sharing just read the article so interesting! will have a look at the (audio)book too!

@ilovemyholidaysssss interesting! Thanks for sharing, I’d not heard of this. Osteoporosis runs in my family

I never had any comments and I have only ever heard shame being directed towards mums who can’t or choose not to breastfeed.

Take my name out your fucking mouth. My DS bf to 6 years and 10 months and don't like how you lump us- actual people with feelings - into an 'exception' category. That's the only conclusion I can take from your post given you 'probably wouldn't have BF beyond 2'. Does that mean you have never bf?

Brilliant OP, well done for keeping going🌼

It sounds like you know a lot of people who didn’t bf? I had a few like that in my life and I didn’t really feed in front of them as it made me uncomfortable, even in the early days. They thought it was disgusting and that was their problem. (Or their deep down guilt for not doing it?). But most in my life weren’t bothered and had done the same. I enjoyed when teenage family members would express surprise because I felt I was part of educating them and changing attitudes. I fed one til nearly 3 and one til nearly 4. I think you need to examine your own feelings and build your confidence on it too.

Sorry but it gives me the ick. I did breastfeed, up until first DS was maybe 6 weeks - 2 months old (not because I wanted to stop then but because he was really struggling with it) then up to around 4 months with my second.

Breastfeeding feels like something which should happen with small non-mobile babies rather than older children who can walk and talk and have full mouths of teeth. I guess it just feels like they should be properly weaned by that stage and the breast thing feels more sexual and like that ‘bitty’ sketch in Little Britain.

I would never go up to a breastfeeding woman and say anything (even if she were breastfeeding a teenager 🤣) but you did ask for honest feelings so here you are and I strongly suspect I am not alone here. I realise this is deeply controversial and sacrilege on Mumsnet so won’t bother checking for responses to this one as people will no doubt shriek “How dare you suggest it’s sexual, you evil witch?” and “But the WHO says you should breastfeed until your DC is 45, how dare you be so stupid and unscientific?”

I agree with all of this, and like you said, I suspect we are not alone.
Threads like this are like nectar to the very small contingent of women who breastfeed beyond the first year, who like to feel they are different and part of an exclusive club.
I always think they secretly like it when they are criticised too (there's an even more controversial view)

This 🤣

@Katypp i definitely don’t ‘like to feel different’ or ‘secretly like being criticised’ what an odd and nasty thing to say.

I love my daughter and want to do what’s best for her, I don’t enjoy feeling ashamed of my parenting choices.

On a positive note, this comment has genuinely made me think fuck it, if there are people who genuinely think like this then there’s no point in worrying about what other people think! So for that I thank you

I fed ds until he was two and half. When asked about stopping I used to smile and say - oh I am planning to pop my nipple through the school fence at break times.

Or show them this (Hollie McNish)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S6nHrqIFTj8