PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

[thisbetheverse]

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

I just used to say that I didn't know how to stop. Which was true!

Breastfed 42 year old has issues with children breast feeding off their species specific natural milk source.... 🥛 🙄

Were you climbing up chimneys too by any chance?

Y'know what's giving me the "ick" is your ignorance.

Educate yourself before you next try to argue about something you know nothing about.

I have gone with YABU as I think your over reacting to some comments.
I BF mine till 2ish so I wouldn't be judging. Ut if I assumed you wanted a drink on a night out and couldn't I may say poor you, that wouldn't be me shaming you, equally asking how long you pla to BF for can be just making conversation not shaming.

I am in tears! 🤣🤣🤣

Care to explain????

You've latched on (pun totally intended) to children being breastfed until the age of 7 or so. That is very much the exception. If you actually read this thread properly, you will see that the majority of breastfeeding ceases around the age of 2. I myself probably wouldn't have carried on beyond 2.

What is your hangup here? I mean, nobody is asking you to do it? You're like a rabid dog over other women breastfeeding? You're a tad over-invested!

It’s mind blowing my weird how anti breastfeeding the UK is. It’s so bizarre to me that I can’t really find words to engage in the discussion.

Certain posters are frothing at the mouth. Bizarre on so many levels.

I breastfed until DC was 4; I wanted to until around 3, then slowly did less, just a nighttime feed the last year because it was too difficult to stop (no one to help out for the sleepless nights of weaning).

No one commented as it wasn't uncommon in my local area (perhaps quite a few older parents with only one child). My neighbour breastfed to 3.5, my best friend to 4.5, other local mums to 2-3. Plenty didn't breastfeed or did for shorter periods of course, too.

A minority of people have bizarre, strongly held or expressed negative views about extended breastfeeding. They will never change their views. It is better and much less frustrating to focus only upon the genuinely curious by signposting good sources of information, and not on this minority. Again, I really recommend the following podcast:

https://soundcloud.com/user-816387779/breastfeeding-part-1

It's an educational resource on breastfeeding for paediatricians by topic experts who clearly reference the evidence. Though it is aimed at paediatricians I think it is accessible to the interested "lay person".

For whatever reasons of their own, @Lastchancechica seems to be gratified by others' outrage and has nothing better to do than continue to fish for it in their series of repetitive, weird posts. It's obvious trolling, just report it don't feed it.

@1willgetthere just an FYI, because it is such a common misconception - breast milk that has been produced whilst the mother has been or is drinking alcohol, indeed whilst she is absolutely hammered is completely safe for infants and children to consume. It is not necessary to avoid alcohol whilst breastfeeding, above and beyond the considerations of any non-breastfeeding parent. No need to feel sorry for breastfeeding friends on a night out, buy them a double instead (assuming they want to drink and aren't planning to cosleep until sober!).

Hey OP I fed until a little over 22 months (but was just feeding to sleep at night by that point and only morning, night and nap up to about 18 months) I don't remember any negative comments (he was born 2020 so was mostly in lockdown anyway) but I do remember feeling the need to justify myself (as if preempting a raised eyebrow) when ever I mentioned I was still breast feeding and reassuring people it wouldn't be past 2.

I think as others have said it's almost ingrained in our society (in the UK) that even past 6 months is unusual in this country and up to a year is a miniscule amount of parents, so nearly 2 seems to most as weird or too clingy or perhaps pretentious like you want to be considered Earth Mother of the year or something. 😅

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Politics-Breastfeeding-When-Breasts-Business/dp/190517716X
This is an absolutely brilliant book and I used to see it mentioned all the time on MN - maybe it still is, but I've not been on the BF boards for over 10 years.
It looks at everything; the history of BF in different cultures, the acceptance or lack of in different countries now, formula and milk replacements and their history, but most interestingly it looks at the politics and why big business is so invested.
It's easy to read and very well researched and the author lists all her sources so you can check the facts yourself.
I started BF expecting to stop at 12 months because that's what you're supposed to do, right? Then I learned more about it and DS eventually self-weaned at 4. He's a teenager now, can remember it vaguely, and isn't scarred or repulsed in the slightest.

.

Definitely
I know its anecdotal but I was BF for 9 months and spent most of my early life outside with horses and covered in mud
I have more autoimmune conditions than I can count and an actual allergy to exercise and heat

Mum "I thought BF you was meant to be good for your health, didn't work for you"
Thanks mum

I breastfed dc until age 3. I know a few family members found that odd, but they were the same family members who were uncomfortable with breastfeeding a 1 day old.

i think you have been a bit unlucky in your social circle. Just remember that their comments are coming from a place of ignorance. Breastfeeding until at least 2 is recommended by the WHO and other medical agencies. Every person who sees you feeding your child is a person who is helping have breastfeeding normalized.

sure, maybe a teenager made a rude comment, but maybe you also started that teenager thinking. By the time that teenager makes a feeding decision, seeing your toddler eat may be the extra nudge that gets another baby breastmilk.

For context, breastfeeding atm and really hoping to keep going as long as I can up to 2 with WHO recommendations in mind. But that’d be my limit. It seems old to me based on how tall my nephew is at 2!

I agree about ‘booby’ though. I hate to admit but since you asked OP, the only thing I cringe about with breastfeeding is when older kids ask for “booby” or “mummy milk” - so this is a helpful reminder to make sure I’m careful with the language I use around breastfeeding my little one. Oh, and to be totally honest again, I am bemused when people say their child bites them hard and often and they don’t have any plans to stop soon. Ouch!

YANBU of course.

Hasn't been my experience, luckily. I've never had a single comment. My toddler is still breastfed at 20 months old.

My mum bottlefed us in the 60s/early 70s. It was what midwives advised at the time, incredibly.

I don't think any of the 4 of us have suffered from diminished health in any way because of it, but who knows.

While initially I think mum was a little askance when I decided to breastfeed my eldest, she totally embraced it and wished she had had the oppportunity to do it too. She actually turned into a born-again breastfeeding advocate!!

I fed all four of our children until they were 4 years old. I never had anyone comment. Sorry to hear so many people are saying that to you. 15 months old is nothing, it’s not even out of the ordinary. I really don’t understand!

What I have learned from this thread is that it's good I grew up in Texas instead of the UK. And doubly good that I didn't have a child in the UK.

How often does he eat in the toilet?

@thisbetheverse I'm sorry you've had comments. My DS is nearly 1.5 and is still breastfed; and I've never really had any comments. He does call it "milk" rather than "boobie", and maybe that does play a part?! But maybe it's also just about how normal it is where you are. I wouldn't have said I've noticed a lot of breastfeeding people here but nobody has ever questioned it, either. I haven't really thought about when I'll stop; I'm presuming he'll wean when he wants to.

@Secondwindplease Breastfeeding definitely didn't make me the chained-to-the-house default parent. I think DH has still done more nappies than me, and does even now. For the first couple of weeks as we established supply, he looked after both of us, and did all winding/nappies etc.; and from 8 weeks or so, I expressed a bottle for one of the night feeds and he'd do that and get baby back to sleep. DH used to carry him everywhere in a carrier. When I went back to work and got the opportunity to travel a bit, he became a SAHD and followed me around to look after DS and meet me every couple of hours somewhere convenient for me to feed.

I agree on booby. "Mummy milk" is a tough one because other people will use that, in my experience, and it's helpful to differentiate between you and cows milk, which your child will probably have too. But I don't love it.

I've never been bitten; not once. He's 1.5 now. I wouldn't have thought I'd have kept going this long when he was born, and he doesn't feed often now - once or twice a day; and at night, which I'm trying to cut down. I think we'd have stopped if that became a thing!

STFU is a complete sentence

The UK has an appalling formula feeding culture and similarly atrocious breastfeeding rates. Depending on the area, many people aren’t used to seeing a newborn breastfeeding let alone a toddler.
I’m an expat living in Australia and the only negative reaction I’ve had when breastfeeding was from an English man who came to do some work on our house. He was clearly disgusted and my baby was only about eight months old then! If I lived in a lower socioeconomic area though I’m sure I would have faced more disapproval.

My brother is 6.5 and prides himself on having never been ill. My mum reckons it’s because he was a wild child and ate mud and anything he could get his hands on and his immune system was forced into being incredible. Bottle fed from birth. Some kids just get lucky.

I fed mine until around 2.5 years old: went ages without a negative comment. By the third of strangers were rude enough, like ‘that’s disgusting’, I responded with a constructive ‘oh fuck off’. Effective for (moody) silence!