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Original poster

PLEASE Stop shaming me for breastfeeding

328 replies

thisbetheverse · 30/09/2023 21:31

15 month old daughter, genuinely get some sort of judgemental comment every week. Why is it like that? It’s literally what breasts are made to do!

today it was from a teenager! A 17 year old. I’ve had family members, mum friends, school friends, complete strangers, people I work with all make the same comments ‘oooo STILL?’ ‘When are you stopping!’ ‘You poor thing’

has anyone got any tips on how to respond? I plan to breastfeed until she’s 2 but have started just saying to people I’m stopping soon just to move the conversation along. But then I’m left feeling like I should be ashamed.

I'm keen to hear from those on the camp of ew it’s gross after 1 year old too - please can you explain why and how it makes you feel? Also is this a British thing?

even partner thinks it’s weird!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Ikeameatballlunch · 01/10/2023 06:38

did you mean to be so rude?

Definitely.

Also try:

Pele was breast fed till 5 and Michael Jordan till 3! I'm growing an athlete!

http://blacktating.blogspot.com/2009/01/breast-milk-breakfast-of-champions.html

Also Joaquin till 6

https://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2018/apr/16/fun-finta-and-why-it-is-impossible-not-to-love-joaquin-at-real-betis?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

Ikeameatballlunch · 01/10/2023 06:39

Ds1 3.5 and ds2 4 here.

Ikeameatballlunch · 01/10/2023 06:41

I was personally fed till around 3 and have wondered if it's why my teeth are so good. It apparently helps to space them well.

Ikeameatballlunch · 01/10/2023 06:41

as I've not been very good at looking after them till this year

Dentistlakes · 01/10/2023 06:42

It’s perfectly natural to breastfeed past 12 months and beneficial for the child too. Some people do find it strange and tbh that says more about them snd their attitudes to women’s bodies than it does about you. Breasts are designed to breastfeed. I breastfed my first until about 3 and the second until 2.5. They stopped when they were ready.

I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard and overwhelming at times, especially when the older one was still breastfeeding when the second was born, but I don’t have any regrets. It was the right thing for them and our family.

If you want to continue then do so. It’s human nature to make comments (unfortunately), so you can choose to ignore or challenge them to justify themselves just they they are doing to you.

Ikeameatballlunch · 01/10/2023 06:43

For the husbands it's definitely helpful to list off famous sports players who were bf.

In Mongolia breast milk is revered by all and thought to build the best wrestlers.

YeOldeBuxomWench · 01/10/2023 07:04

I fed both of them for ages 3.5 years. I couldn't wean them before that, so it was a natural wean in the end. I didn't want to do it that long either, but having to refuse would gave been a nightmare, because they wouldn't sleep. My youngest sleeps appalingly but it's because he's autistic. The eldest sleeps like a log now!

I never got many comments, just the whole 'you re making a rod for your back ones' and tantrums were blamed on breastfeeding sometimes as they were 'manipulating' me to get a feed.

I probably wouldn't have breastfed if I could turn back time. I found the time I had to do it far too long and they both slept terribly in the first few years. I would have combi fed so I had more power to stop when I wanted and got help with feeds.

RedRobyn2021 · 01/10/2023 07:05

My DD is 2.5 (32 months to be exact) and I'm still breastfeeding her. Nobody comments to me because I don't mention it to anyone!

At 15 months my DD was still feeding several times a day though and now she only feeds once at bedtime. If the comments upset you (they would upset me) just don't mention it, on a work night out just say you need to look after your child. The health benefits for you and your child outweigh other peoples misinformed comments.

RedRobyn2021 · 01/10/2023 07:07

thisbetheverse · 30/09/2023 21:43

it’s really encouraging to hear people doing it after 2, I had a friend say recently it would ‘definitely be weird’ to do it over 2. She is a good (and otherwise lovely) friend.

people seem to genuinely feel sorry for me about it and that I should ‘get my boobs back’

Tbh I used to think it was weird. In fact I thought it was weird doing it after 1.

It's actually not at all, it's very natural and a really good way to put her to sleep.

Ggttl · 01/10/2023 07:16

I know quite a few people who carried on for a while but generally it was only in the morning or evening, so no one else saw or knew. Most of my friends went back to work after a year so couldn’t carry on during the day. I wouldn’t think it odd if a colleague was still breastfeeding their child at home as presumably it is a nice bonding thing when they have been away from each other all day. I do think it is a bit odd if an older child is demanding ‘boobies’ in public and wouldn’t want that situation with my own child.

OhWifey · 01/10/2023 07:43

Lastchancechica · 30/09/2023 23:01

It’s not about breasts being seen as a sexual plaything it’s about a child’s autonomy and healthy boundaries.

Try to breastfeed a three year old who doesn't want to? Ha! I don't think so! I think you'll find that it's the child who leads the extended breastfeeding. Autonomy of the most basic and natural kind.

Sometimeswinning · 01/10/2023 07:48

StillGotBabyBrain · 01/10/2023 00:20

Breastfed 42 year old has issues with children breast feeding off their species specific natural milk source.... 🥛 🙄

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah ok 😂 think you may have had a certain type of source last night yourself! Anyhow, we’ll agree to disagree I can’t bring myself to carry on a conversation with someone who has such a strange concept of what breastfeeding is. (Hint-It involves a breast, a woman, no middle person, no supermarket)

3Tunes · 01/10/2023 07:55

@owlpacker Best tip I ever got on biting - pull them IN to you. If you do that, your breast blocks their nose, so they open their mouth to breathe. Much quicker and less painful than trying to detach them while they’re hanging on with their teeth.

I was able to teach ‘no biting’ from about 6 months, using a firm ‘no’ and increasingly longer pauses until they got milk again. I still remember putting a screaming dd next to my legs on the bed and counting to thirty. She got the message after that, that if she bit the milk went away.

Sapphire387 · 01/10/2023 08:01

Argh, women can't win. I extended bf my first two until 2.5 each. My third? I have managed two months in total and have stopped (she was born with terrible tongue tie and we didn't get a 'fixing appointment' for weeks and bf never fully got off the ground, she became unwell and was losing too much weight). My mother is now shaming me for bottle feeding! Charming.

Anyway... you do you. With my older two, I have to say I was down to morning and night by 15 months so this conversation never really arose. I certainly don't think anyone should be judging you for it - if you and your dc are happy, crack on. People will always find something to beat mothers with, honestly.

ChampagneLassie · 01/10/2023 08:05

I’m still BFing a 18 month old…I’ve not had any unwanted Q and we do still do it in public. I’d give short shift if anyone asked me. My LO looks older and is talking running climbing like a 2 yr old so I am feeling increasingly self conscious…but I’d be suprised if someone actually said anything. How rude

Bumblenums · 01/10/2023 08:12

I breastfed my son till he was 4 and he grew out of it - i got quite a few negative comments tbh, my DH was pressuring me to stop and even my dad pitched in (this is from a man who never changed a nappy etc). I honestly don't know why people feel they need to share their views on this, it's has nothing to do with anyone else except you and ur child. However my grandad walked in by accident when I was feeding DS once when he was about 3, and told me don't listen to anyone else, ur doing a wonderful job. I nearly cried.

lilacnightmares · 01/10/2023 08:14

Sapphire387 · 01/10/2023 08:01

Argh, women can't win. I extended bf my first two until 2.5 each. My third? I have managed two months in total and have stopped (she was born with terrible tongue tie and we didn't get a 'fixing appointment' for weeks and bf never fully got off the ground, she became unwell and was losing too much weight). My mother is now shaming me for bottle feeding! Charming.

Anyway... you do you. With my older two, I have to say I was down to morning and night by 15 months so this conversation never really arose. I certainly don't think anyone should be judging you for it - if you and your dc are happy, crack on. People will always find something to beat mothers with, honestly.

I don't plan to BF my third (due next month) I've breastfed both my children for the same as you 2.5 years each.

Could I ask, have you noticed their sleeping any better? More content?

Birch101 · 01/10/2023 08:16

Currently BF my 21m old x

StillGotBabyBrain · 01/10/2023 08:17

Sometimeswinning · 01/10/2023 07:48

Yeah ok 😂 think you may have had a certain type of source last night yourself! Anyhow, we’ll agree to disagree I can’t bring myself to carry on a conversation with someone who has such a strange concept of what breastfeeding is. (Hint-It involves a breast, a woman, no middle person, no supermarket)

Show quote history

Cows milk is breast milk from a cow, derrrrr. The milk you buy has been created for a calf. A baby. Except, you drink that milk instead of the baby cow.

You think because you buy it in a carton that somehow it hasn't come from the udders of a cow?! Would you still drink cows milk if you had to take it from the udders yourself?

Like I said, when you've mastered weaning off breast milk, come back. Until then, keep your hypocritical comments to yourself. Moooooooo

BreatheAndFocus · 01/10/2023 08:25

I breastfed my youngest past 3yrs. I had a variety of replies I gave, if asked, all intended to shut the comments down. I used whichever one I felt was appropriate to the questioner. Sometimes it was someone asking in a non-malicious way and from ignorance. In those cases I just quoted the WHO “up to age 7” thing, smiled and changed the subject. If people were rude, I asked them why they were so interested in my breasts and were they getting help for that. For the people in the middle, I simply said Yes when asked “Ooh, are you still breastfeeding”, or No when asked “Isn’t she a bit old for that?” and shut the conversation down.

Sometimeswinning · 01/10/2023 08:43

StillGotBabyBrain · 01/10/2023 08:17

Cows milk is breast milk from a cow, derrrrr. The milk you buy has been created for a calf. A baby. Except, you drink that milk instead of the baby cow.

You think because you buy it in a carton that somehow it hasn't come from the udders of a cow?! Would you still drink cows milk if you had to take it from the udders yourself?

Like I said, when you've mastered weaning off breast milk, come back. Until then, keep your hypocritical comments to yourself. Moooooooo

Show quote history

Vegans have mastered it. Would you actually suckle from a cows udder? I don’t think the cow would be too impressed.

Poontangle · 01/10/2023 08:45

OP, sounds like your DH - like most men - prefers sexy tits to milky tits. Our opinions are irrelevant, but if he's got the ick, he's the one you need to persuade.

Original poster
thisbetheverse · 01/10/2023 08:47

Thank you for everyone‘s replies, it’s been really useful to see points from both sides. And I’ve learnt much more about breastfeeding and the nutritional benefits! Just to sum up so far for anyone else in a similar situation

  • not everyone may be making negative comments, some people may just be making conversation I.e ‘when are you stopping breastfeeding’ out of curiosity
  • Some people may be genuinely feeling sorry for you for the fact you limit things such as clothing choices, drinking alcohol etc so it’s coming from concern about you rather than judgement
  • It might be that you’re too apologetic when discussing breastfeeding which is giving off the vibe that you’re unhappy doing it

For those who are against or feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding over 1 it’s generally because

  • They think the toddler doesn’t get much in terms of nutrients that you can’t get from food anyway, so they think what’s the point?
  • Breasts are seen as sexual by nature, so makes people feel uncomfortable once they’re no longer a baby. When toddler says ‘booby’ etc this makes people feel even more uncomfortable (agree on the booby point, ‘milk’ would be much better!)
  • Some view it as causing a problem with their teeth (although not sure this is true)
  • Some see it as unfair on the woman (more reliance on the woman for night feeds etc)
  • Those who’ve breastfeed themselves may not have enjoyed it so do genuinely think there’s no need to do it longer than you have to

And the reasons why we do extended breastfeeding

  • for comfort / bonding
  • To help during sickness periods (often the only thing they’ll keep down!)
  • To help get the toddler to sleep
  • To calm down during stressful situations /tantrums
  • For nutrients - thank you to those who shared links on why there is a nutritional value after 1!

Personally, I’m going to avoid mentioning it to people if I can avoid it, only breastfeed in mornings and evenings, and if people do make comments I will use some of the amazing (and funny) one liners people suggested. THANK YOU!

OP posts:
ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 01/10/2023 08:53

satellitesunshine · 30/09/2023 21:34

so strange. i breastfed until just over 2 and never had one negative comment. in fact i often wished someone would because i had my whole script ready on why it was still beneficial at that age 😂 just tell them WHO guidelines recommend extended breastfeeding etc

18 months (and still going) and not had one comment. Either explain the benefits of breastfeeding until 2, or if you're feeling spicy 'unless my tit is in your gob, it's none of your business.'

KnittedCardi · 01/10/2023 08:57

WHO recommends up to 6 months. The oft quoted two year advice is for third world countries with little access to safe water or alternative foods.

As with others I get the ick when walking talking toddlers climb on their mothers laps and demand "booby". But that's me. Would I say anything, no, of course not, but I would secretly feel sorry for you!