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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
flannelonthesink · 29/09/2023 18:22

Aww poor little lady I wonder how that could've happened - maybe a seesaw? Poor form from nursery staff not even giving you a call or apologising! Investigation is fair enough but they could at least ask after her x

LittleMrsPretty · 29/09/2023 18:23

kids have accidents? Its not neglect but it is unreasonable of the nursery not to spot it and treat it immediately.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:28

they don’t have an outdoor area at nursery, so no see saw, and they didn’t go to the playground that day, just a walk was reported.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:29

This is not an accident. It’s something a doctor should look at. I would want to know what had caused this because it’s not an accident in the generally accepted understanding of children’s play. So I would ask for a full investigation and definitely get a medical opinion. The nursery might need this info too.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:29

@LittleMrsPretty oh yes I agree kids have accidents, and I should of added I would of been absolutely fine if they said she had a little accident, but at pick up yesterday they said she had a great day, she enjoyed herself lots. (No mention of tears or anything and mines a bit of a cry baby when she hurts herself or falls over)

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:32

@TizerorFizz yes we have been to the doctors today and have had it examined and have a logged and dated letter from the doctors saying it’s likely to be friction burn. I will definitely follow up on Monday morning and try and be more firm with them.

OP posts:
Flipflopflopflip · 29/09/2023 18:36

Wow I'm not surprised you're upset and have complained. Do you think it's been caused by a wet and heavy nappy left for too long and rubbing her thigh? In which case I would say neglect, that must have been happening over a number of hours. I hope you get a proper answer from them as to what happened and how they have ensure it wouldn't happen again! Poor little one, hope she is ok.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 29/09/2023 18:37

Kids do have accidents but the second pic looks awful and more severe that the usual bumps and bruises.
I think you are right to pursue them for a proper explaination and not let them fob you off.
If you aren't happy with how they handle this can you switch nurseries? I'd be looking at seriously they take this, that would reflect how good they are to me....

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:39

@Thanksforreading Im struggling to think what could have caused this to a toddler. Friction burn? Against what? This seems almost impossible.

JMSA · 29/09/2023 18:41

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:39

@Thanksforreading Im struggling to think what could have caused this to a toddler. Friction burn? Against what? This seems almost impossible.

Same!

LIZS · 29/09/2023 18:42

Could a soggy or loosely fitted nappy have rubbed? What was she wearing? Was it rubbed further to blister?

Hobbi · 29/09/2023 18:43

OP, you have gone from 'confirming a friction burn' to 'likely a friction burn.' The difference is obviously important.

oksothisisusnow · 29/09/2023 18:44

Hmm. Struggling to think what a toddler may have done to cause that.
Are there any of those little tikes type of rocker things that she may have slid off?

Ouch, I'm so sorry.

Looks very, very sore. I hope that the GP was able to give some advice to ease soreness and that it will heal quickly.

BandicootCrash · 29/09/2023 18:45

But it got worse overnight, whilst she home with you? Have you changed the brand of nappy? Some are treated with different chemicals that can irritate sensitive skin. I can't think what she could have done to herself at nursery that would get so much worse 12 hours later.

TeaKitten · 29/09/2023 18:45

Do you drive home from nursery? Could it have been the car seat strap? Just because it’s barely there in the first photo, and then so bad in the second I wonder if it was really recent. (Not trying to say nursery are innocent or it’s your fault, just trying to think what could have caused it).

amylou8 · 29/09/2023 18:47

TeaKitten · 29/09/2023 18:45

Do you drive home from nursery? Could it have been the car seat strap? Just because it’s barely there in the first photo, and then so bad in the second I wonder if it was really recent. (Not trying to say nursery are innocent or it’s your fault, just trying to think what could have caused it).

I'd just come on say the same thing. Car seat or buggy strap??

RosaElize · 29/09/2023 18:48

Did she have a dress on?? Is it possible the initial rash was an allergic reaction to something which she has scratched repeatedly in the night to create photo 2?

CyberCritical · 29/09/2023 18:49

Sorry bit confused by the pictures.

The first one looks like the inside of a left leg and like it might have been the right place for a saggy nappy to rub. The second one looks like the outside of a right leg and nowhere near where a saggy nappy gusset could get to it.

BIossomtoes · 29/09/2023 18:49

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:39

@Thanksforreading Im struggling to think what could have caused this to a toddler. Friction burn? Against what? This seems almost impossible.

Me too. How come the skin isn’t broken in the first picture?

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:49

It almost looks like an ulcer. Hopefully the doctor gave advice on care to stop any infection.

TeaKitten · 29/09/2023 18:50

CyberCritical · 29/09/2023 18:49

Sorry bit confused by the pictures.

The first one looks like the inside of a left leg and like it might have been the right place for a saggy nappy to rub. The second one looks like the outside of a right leg and nowhere near where a saggy nappy gusset could get to it.

Click on the pictures, it’s the same inner left leg on both.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:51

@Hobbi it says “friction burn”- this is what I mean I need to be more firm and more confident with my words. I literally just questioned myself again till I opened up her letter (doctors) and read it again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:54

@TeaKitten we are a four mins walk from nursery, we have a Yoyo pram so it’s not too tight on the area at all.

OP posts:
cansu · 29/09/2023 18:54

Jumping to conclusion of neglect is quite a jump. You have no idea what caused it yet. As a parent of a non verbal autistic child I have over the years seem bruises etc that my child couldn't explain. If I had assumed abuse or neglect immediately each time I would have made some serious errors. Treat it. Give the nursery time to talk to staff and be open to fact that it might not be anyones fault. Not everything is. An itchy rash can be scratched until it bleeds.

Monty27 · 29/09/2023 18:55

Could she have somehow scratched herself while on the potty?