The mum didn’t remember me.

[Getfromoutmeroad]

Weird, slightly awkward incident.

Dd started school last year, I saw a few mums at pick, exchange pleasantries etc, there isn’t really a big group of mum friends there, which I’m fine with as I have my friends outside of that, most of them with kids who Dd is friends with.
Dd had her birthday party at the end of the year, I invited all the class, lots came and it was a nice day. One of the mums I’ve said hi to came, my Dd likes her son, I chatted to her at the party, offered drinks etc, she was nice but didn’t join in massively, which is fine and I totally get it.
Saw her the last few days, said hi etc, then today my Dd wants to walk out with her Ds, they walk out holding hands which was very sweet, so we start to chat and then she asks if my dd started this year or if she was in school last year 🤷🏻‍♀️I was a bit surprised and confused and said that she was here last year.
Now I’m thinking I must be so unmemorable 😂how can you literally forget a person whose party you went to
Felt so awkward

This really annoys me. Like a PP, I'm observant - can link people to kids, partners, cars etc. How do you go to a kid's party and subsequently are too 'busy' to remember the host? It's just rude no matter how many people you've met or seen in the interim. It's a life skill to remember this type of thing and people who take pride in not so doing or alternatively can't be bothered to hone the skill are odd.

some people really can’t remember faces. It’s an invisible disability such as dyslexia

@resipsa your comment is very ignorant. I truly hope you never have to go through a neurological condition that means you simply cannot do this, due to short and long term memory issues. It’s terrifying and embarrassing enough not to be able (no matter now many notes / memonics / reminders / memory techniques you try to use) to remember people (and sometimes events). Your comment shows no understanding or empathy. We are all different. Maybe try not judging so harshly.

Me too, I am terrible. I need to meet someone 4 or 5 times before I reliably can identify them again and out of context it's even worse.

Prosopagnosia (also known as face blindness or facial agnosia) is a neurological disorder characterized by the inability to recognize faces.

This would be me; I’ve learned at my husband’s work functions just to say, ‘hi nice to see you!’ because if I say, ‘nice to meet you’ 90% of the time I’ve already met them and probably multiple times!

I'm terrible at remembering people. I'm in an alternative community, I saw a woman the other night who clearly knew me, turns out she's who I met at an event a couple of months ago and then friended online, and I felt awful at not realising who she was. I also struggle if people change something about their appearance, even if I'm known them a long time. I have ADHD and perhaps autism too. I'm great at people's addresses, online usernames etc, but appearance is incredibly difficult.

Ah, seeing that she didn't engage makes me think she probably is quite like me, possibly some social anxiety or neurodiversity. I find events pretty difficult unless it's with my best friends

I have not posted before, but felt I had to join in because of the issue of face blindness. I don’t think people realise just how hard it makes social settings. I have not recognised people I have known for years. My mother has twice not initially recognised close family members.
Yesterday as I was cycling in one direction a woman walking the other way called out to say hello. I think she was my former secretary. She worked for me for two years. I last saw her nine months ago. I sometimes have to spend time in conversations at networking events picking up clues as to whether or how I meant to know someone. Generally it’s more from voices and context. I certainly would be unlikely to recognise someone from one party, but afterwards would be mortified that I had shown I didn’t.

Of course she should have remembered you. The only reason she couldn't have, is if she has some kind of cognitive issue.

She doesn't sound overly social, so maybe her way of sending out a subtle message that she doesn't want to be friendly or familiar with you. Probably nothing personal, it's just the way she is for whatever reason.

I am really face blind and this is exactly the sort of thing I do, I have had to just ask people who they are before as we’re kid conversation and I can’t place them- it’s really embarrassing. When they tell me who they are I remember but rarely by sight, even if we have met several times. My kids are teens now and regularly ask who someone was that I have been talking to and I have to admit I have no idea!

Face blindness is a thing - we are the opposite of super recognisers. I suffer from it and have neighbours in my smallish road who I wouldn’t recognise out of context unless we’ve had meaningful conversations on more than one occasion. It’s embarrassing and I worry that people will take it personally (understandably). Don’t worry about it.

Perhaps she has multiple DC. I have 3 and not all in the same school. I get really confused with faces and names. Especially when there is a similar looking people in both schools. I'm pretty sure lots of people don't remember me as I'm not often at pick ups. I'm also not someone who loves to chat 🤣

This is a really good article on face blindness from someone who has it

https://www.neurodiverging.com/face-blindness-autism/

Anyone really interested in- or having to deal with- face recognition difficulties might be interested in: Nancy Mindick; Understanding Facial Recognition Difficulties in Children; Jessica Kingsley, 2011. Although the book focuses on children, it is relevant to anyone with such problems,

There is a huge scale of how easily others recognise faces and remember conversations. Some are great at it, some are absolutely terrible. You just happened to meet someone at the terrible end of the scale. My DH is the same, it blows my mind how often he doesn’t recognise someone or remember a conversation.

That's really unfair. People don't take pride in their face recognition difficulties, any more than they take pride in being colour blind or hard of hearing. It's also a life skill to listen attentively to others, but someone who is hard of hearing may be unable to do so under many conditions, through no fault of their own. The same sort of thing here.

And people can be good at either of these things but not the other. I'm extremely good at remembering conversations, and extremely terrible at recognising faces.

Thanks, I know about this but don’t think I have it to this extent. If it can be on a spectrum then I’m on it!

I haven’t read through all the thread, so apologies if this has already been said. However, there is a condition where some people cannot recognise faces (I’m sorry, I forget the name of the condition). It is a recognised medical condition. Perhaps the mum suffers from this?

Paula and Steve!

I used the have an amazing memory but in the past 10 years it has really deteriorated. I used to struggle to understand why people at work around me were so unreliable and scatty. Now I am those people. Possibly worse 🤣🤣🤣

Apart from memory issues she could have social anxiety and just put her head down and do the school run/parties and avoid engaging and ergo not take much notice of people.

On the plus side, you're clearly not memorable in a bad way, possibly a nice under the radar type when it comes to the playground - that is a good thing.

Agree it's not personal.. when this happens to me (and when I clearly, definitely remember the pers because we have met and talked, ) I wonder what's wrong with them.

I will normally remember the conversation perfectly just not identify the face

Woo face blidness. I'm dreadful. My partner had to tell peeps I didnt recognise my sisters in laws. Oh dear. And it's quite stressful. Hiding in shop doorways

I literally don't remember people if I don't see them regularly or if I see them out of context. I feel awful as it feels rude but it's genuinely not deliberate. I wouldn't take offence she's probably busy/distracted.