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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The mum didn’t remember me.

191 replies

Getfromoutmeroad · 29/09/2023 16:37

Weird, slightly awkward incident.

Dd started school last year, I saw a few mums at pick, exchange pleasantries etc, there isn’t really a big group of mum friends there, which I’m fine with as I have my friends outside of that, most of them with kids who Dd is friends with.
Dd had her birthday party at the end of the year, I invited all the class, lots came and it was a nice day. One of the mums I’ve said hi to came, my Dd likes her son, I chatted to her at the party, offered drinks etc, she was nice but didn’t join in massively, which is fine and I totally get it.
Saw her the last few days, said hi etc, then today my Dd wants to walk out with her Ds, they walk out holding hands which was very sweet, so we start to chat and then she asks if my dd started this year or if she was in school last year 🤷🏻‍♀️I was a bit surprised and confused and said that she was here last year.
Now I’m thinking I must be so unmemorable 😂how can you literally forget a person whose party you went to
Felt so awkward

OP posts:
WoollyBat · 29/09/2023 20:38

I don't have face blindness at all but I still blank people! It's because I'm miles away in my head thinking about stuff I have to do/sort out/work stuff/what to have for tea etc, and I just don't notice people, someties even if they wave or say hi. Loads of times friends have said "I saw you in the street and you totally blanked me!" Blush

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 29/09/2023 20:38

I’m not a mother and I think I’d have struggled to recognise you having met you not that many times either. I don’t have face blindness either, am quite good with recognition.

Lemonpledge · 29/09/2023 20:47

I'm so bad at recognising faces Blush some of us just don't recognise people in different places!

StarDolphins · 29/09/2023 20:55

Honestly, if I read this 5 years ago, I’d have thought this mum to be strange. However, now I’m over 40 & peri-menopausal, I get it! I’m calling Arrabella Annabella, getting dates wrong, speaking to people & not knowing their name. I have to list my shopping out otherwise I walk into the shop & don’t have a clue what I’m there for!

Maybe she has brain fog!

Delatron · 29/09/2023 20:56

I find this so odd. But then I never forget a face - I have whatever the opposite of face blindness is.

Mapletreelane · 29/09/2023 21:05

I think there are just so many faces when your child does starts school, if they do lots of activities too it is hard to remember them all the faces!

There was a mum I chatted to a few times when DS started reception.

There was also a lady I used to smile at and say hello and goodbye too at my Pilates

Took me a good few months to realise they were the same lady! Because there were so many new mums, and they were in different settings my brain could not connect them! When the penny dropped...she found it hilarious and 11 years on we are now very good friends 😀

user1471453601 · 29/09/2023 21:06

You simply don't know enough - hardly anything really- about the woman. There are many reasons why she didn't recognise you.

for example:

some years ago I was in a high street chemist with my adult daughter. We walked past a woman of about my age. She clearly knew both of us and we chatted for a few minutes and then went on our way.

About ten minutes later I realised it was a woman I'd worked with and socialised with for over 20 years, and my daughter had been working with for about five years. But in those minutes, I had no idea who she was.

I'm my defence I hadn't seen her for ten years or so. A nd I was shopping for things to take into hospital the next day (a serious operation, at best it would save my life, at worst it would end with me being a paraplegic) so I wasn't exactly cooking on gas at the time.

Oh, and the outcome of the op was the former 😁.

AnySoln · 29/09/2023 21:12

Some people have loads of kids. Even 2 was much harder to remember parents at parties and club pick ups.
I actually only know dd1 class parents. Dd2 started in 2020 everyone wore masks.
But mainly now i know most parents arent going to be a friend..
Also being a village we do see people about

Gypsum5 · 29/09/2023 21:28

My cousin came to the UK to work, although I’d not met her before she stayed with me quite a bit, I cooked meals, we went out together … I gave her some good winter clothes as she’d come away in the summer & it was winter here. A decade later I saw her again at home & she didn’t remember me, but remembered my H. I’d always thought she was lovely, but I went off her after that.

Invalidusername88 · 29/09/2023 22:04

That kind of thing would really irritate me too so you are not alone but perhaps she is frazzled.

Ghostwritersinc · 29/09/2023 22:07

I’m a person with a forgettable face. People never seem to remember my face, name or that we have interacted before.

I am someone who generally remembers everyone, which can make it really awkward, so I just play along with the ‘oh yes I’m SoandSos mum, nice to meet you.’
I’l still be meeting these mums for the ‘first time’ in Year 11!

MrsCarson · 29/09/2023 22:16

YABU
I am terrible at remembering peoples names and faces when I only met them once. Nothing wrong with my memory I do fine at work, but in situations like you describe I'm rubbish.
Just this week I met and had coffee with one friend I've known for over 30 years, she introduced me to another friend, we have met in the past I'm told, we have lots of friends in common. Yet an hour later I can only remember her last name. I could trip over her and not recognise her. I've always been like this. Kids in school said I was snobby, I think it's cause I didn't stop and chat as I didn't recognise them out of school.

FOJN · 29/09/2023 22:21

Getfromoutmeroad · 29/09/2023 19:19

I do still find it weird, it wasn’t just some random kids party, it was my child’s, that she was invited to 😅I’ve seen her outside the class most days

I've had sex with men I wouldn't be able to pick out of a line up the next day. Yes it's weird but it's not personal.

Winnipeggy · 29/09/2023 22:34

Your memory is not the same as hers. Some
people have big memory issues. As others have said - don't take it so personally

katseyes7 · 30/09/2023 18:24

Well, at my dad's funeral, my mam asked my mother in law if she worked with me....

Buffs · 30/09/2023 18:34

May be she was a bit preoccupied or stressed at the time. I do this but never mean to be rude.

theduchessofspork · 30/09/2023 18:57

Oh it’s easy to do, casual encounters can be on autopilot - it’s not that you aren’t memorable, just that she wasn’t paying attention at the time. Also some people are terrible with faces.

Madlifebadlife · 30/09/2023 19:05

I have terrible facial recognition or face blindness - I didn’t even know it was a thing until recently. I’ve been mortified a lot in my life not recognising people. I know I come across as ignorant at times and it can be quite stressful if I’m out and someone starts talking to me and I just can’t place how I know them. It’s particularly bad if I see someone in a different context, for example if I see someone I vaguely know through work outside of work. I really wouldn’t take offence at this person not recognising you and she is probably mortified.

RosieLeaLovesTea · 30/09/2023 19:13

To be fair my DS just had a whole class birthday party and I cannot remember which parent is attached to which child. Does that make me bad? 😥

Psychonabike · 30/09/2023 19:25

I have developmental prosopagnosia -face blindness. It's not terribly uncommon, about 1 in 300 people. Mine is quite marked -I recognise my own children by their clothes...

I'm 47 and have had a reasonably wide ranging life, but I can honestly tell you that the school gates, as a parent, has been the only time in my life I have felt utterly disabled by it.

When you feel slighted without explanation by someone @Getfromoutmeroad it's a good rule of thumb to realise it's almost always about something to do with them, not you.

Morgysmum · 30/09/2023 19:43

I wouldn't worry too much, I got on a local bus, a while a go. This woman goes hello, I haven't seen you in a while, how are you?
I hadn't got the slightest idea who she was, she didn't even look familiar. She was chatting about how my son was doing, I kept it simple, like he is fine, not enjoying school.
She chatted for the whole bus trip l, but I still couldn't place her.
It is a little odd, that she came to a party and couldn't remember you, but now I am in my 40's brain fog is a thing.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/09/2023 19:48

I could easily do that. By yr 6 I still didn’t know all of which parent belonged to which child. It’s normal and perhaps you were glad ragged and blow dried for the party and in your jeans and ponytail for the school run?

MrsJellybee · 30/09/2023 19:51

People never remember me either.

I used to be able to remember everyone.

I still remember everyone, but since my 40s, can’t place them.

I have worked in about five different places and I never know where I know someone from any more. It’s even worse when it’s an ex-student and I can’t remember their name or which school they attended. I recognise them though.

I think it odd she didn’t remember you or your daughter despite attending a birthday party you hosted. If it were just school gate chatter, I might understand more.

Knitgoodwoman · 30/09/2023 19:54

I really struggle with names and faces, I’m really interested in people and ask loads of questions which makes it worse.
so I’ll ask a question previously answered and people will say ‘well no I moved jobs like I said last week’ or similar.
I often take a notebook places so I can keep track! Not sure what’s wrong with me, I’m very capable in my career!!! But faces I have such trouble with.

Coffeetree · 30/09/2023 20:03

That's crap OP, particularly in that she wasn't very friendly when she was at the party.

I once had that happen in a way creepier context: I saw a male acquaintance at Morrisons once. I smiled and said hello. He gave me some disgusting pick-up line and I just stared at him. He then said, "Oh wait have we met?" And I said, "Yeah, you and your wife had drinks with me and my husband last week? We talked about your new baby?" Fucking creep.