Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

In case our previous communications have not been sufficiently clear

I would reword this part, it could be used against OP, almost admitting to possible confusion.

You need to state exactly what was said, and clarify at no point did you say they were a gift or not wanted back.

Alongside the letter before action (as pp mentioned) I would include a personal letter explaining the upset to her. How you have helped her when she has struggled, she only had to ask but she has done something so incredibly thoughtless and selfish at best, malicious and hurtful at worst. Mention your family helping out and how this act will change that moving forward, and once the debt is repaid she will no long be part of the family she once had.

Buy the shoes back but you know the friendship is dead as a door nail.

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel you've been more than fair.

Report her to Police. She has had the chance to speak with you and make this right and is ignoring you. They won't do much but give her a scare.

Then take her to small claims court. It doesn't cost you much and you can represent yourself. Claim for the costs of getting the shoes back include all the paperwork, receipts etc.

When she loses, they will either make her pay up in installments or issue a CCJ. You may never see a penny back but the experience will be stressful and unpleasant and on record so that when you tell all your friends about what a lying thief she is, they can check and see.

Prepare yourself for not seeing any money back. Someone who is skint just won't pay and there isn't much courts can do. I don't know if in England you can instruct Bailiffs? The point would be to make her as uncomfortable as possible.

Someone who would lie and steal from a friend is garbage and doesn't deserve your sympathy. Plenty of other folk manage to raise kids on their own without stealing from friends.

Good point.

So maybe just "What you did is theft" then.

I think if you really want the shoes you may buy them quickly before someone else does.I would not bother going after the ex friend for the money,put down to experience and forget it, remember you did loan the shoes to her in good faith but your friend saw it as an opportunity to make some money so I suppose you need to take the responsibility even though it doesn't seem fair

I would buy them back myself but arrange for the shop to keep them and see if she comes back to pay for them. If/when she does you can collect your money back at the same time. Technically the shop is handling stolen property and didn’t have the right to buy them, even in good faith. They would need to return them to you and sue her for the money.

Stick to your guns. This is her problem not yours

Omg. That’s awful. You need judge Judy

I'm glad you've managed to get them back.

I would tell the pawn shop that they are stolen goods that you can either tell the police that the shop is handling stolen goods or orvtelk her she has until the weekend to return them or you will be reporting her to the police for theft

I can't believe someone that is meant to be your friend did this to you after you helped her. Glad you have managed to get the shoes back albeit at a cost to yourself but you have them coming back to you that's the main thing

The pawn shop have fed you a line there. They are not the owner as she never was. She proved her identity to them not ownership. This works against her as it proves it was her that sold them to the pawnshop therefore had no intent on returning them to you making it theft.

I absolutely understand why you really wanted them back but speaking to the police may have saved you several hundred pounds.
Have you paid by debit or credit card? I'd seriously recommend you speak to the police and possibly seek legal advice as you may still be able to claim the money back from the pawn shop. They have potentially acted unlawfully as they have knowingly sold stolen goods.

If you have legal cover through your house insurance I strongly you call them for some advice before you draft any letter to her

TBH I think you've weakened your position by not contacting the police to get a crime reference number and using that at the very least to try and force them pawn shop to give you your shoes back and then to start proceedings against her for fraud.

Youve got your shoes back, you stand less chance of her having to pay you back the money you've shelled out to retrieve goods, however I think your best course of action now is to contact the police, see where they say you stand.
You may want to see if you can obtain proof of purchase from your brother, explaining the situation, then get a solicitor to write a letter before claim with explanation that she is due to pay all costs incurred by you to retrieve this money resulting from her fraudulent actions.

Just make sure you mention the small claims court. I'm fuming on your behalf. So glad you got them back though.

A PP mentioned that you should tell the pawn shop that the shoes were stolen from you and if they sell them, they are selling stolen property. Then, I'd file a police report. Then, I'd just buy the shoes back before they disappear. You are right to be so very angry but don't let your anger cost you your shoes.

Also, worth noting that you paid the pawn shop more to purchase those shoes back than she would have received, or would have had to pay back if she had chosen to get then back.
So they've both made money out of you.

Thank you for the update, I didn’t know that there’s two ways of selling.
When I was a kid the men often pawned their suits on Monday then got them back on Friday to go to a wedding or to church on Sunday. My gran pawned her wedding ring often, someone commented on how shiny it was, grandad said “Aye, it’s never on her finger, it’s always in Blackies Pawn”

So she didn’t actually pawn them, she sold them to the pawn broker. Probably for half or less of the value.
She had no intention of giving you them back.

Using a pawn broker is a legitimate way to get a short term loan, as mentioned, I’ve done when I’ve been on the bones of my arse. It’s better than a pay day loan and you only pay interest until the day you pay it back. So if you pay it back in a week you’ll pay seven days interest.

This is shocking!
Glad you've (nearly) got them back but be aware that you will probably have paid more to buy them back than she will have got for selling them. So, in the unlikely event of her agreeing to re-imburse you, she will no doubt try to argue for the lower sum.

This really is disgraceful behaviour on her part. You must be both very angry and hurt with the amount of help you have previously given her.

If you do go down any legal route you are obviously going to have to prove that the shoes were yours in the first place and whilst you have text messages of their loan to her, and photos of you wearing them, you are going to presumably need your brother's receipt when he purchased them. Do you think he is still going to have the receipt?

Make sure you screenshot the messages between you so she can’t delete hers if there are any from her acknowledging it was a loan of the shoes.

This. You can go as hard as you like on the pawn shop, tell them they're handling stolen goods etc, but don't fanny around waiting for the CF to buy them for you, you're just risking someone else buying them in the meantime.

Shocking. Your friendship was worth a couple of hundred pounds to her. Silly woman.

I'd report her to the police, take her to small claims and recover your money and the court costs. Cheeky thief fucker.

Her behaviour is very wrong but I don’t understand why you leant her them. Unless her feet are identical to yours she may have stretched them and shoes can easily get scuffed/damaged. It seems very risky for shoes that cost so much and meant so much to you. You clearly tried to do something nice for your friend and she’s treated you appallingly but don’t lend valuable items in future.

This is important.

Totally draining and parasitic friendship. She’s awful.