Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

It doesn't matter - whatever it was it would have been a lot less than they'd eventually price them at and FGS don't give her an excuse to cry "I can't afford that!! They only gave me £x in the first place!!"

No idea if the police will do anything about this, since she'll certainly claim they were a gift ... unless you have any messages which prove otherwise OP?

I'm livid on your behalf. God, this is bloody awful!

The fact that she has been a long-term 'friend', knows your family etc, makes her betrayal all the more worse and once the anger over this incident has worn off (long way off in the future!), you'll be left with the undeniable feeling of hurt and betrayal that someone who you thought was so close, could in fact, actually do something so awful to you.

What a lovely person you are to have leant such precious and sentimental items to her (this indicates what a close relationship you must have shared)! Some people just do not realise what they have until it is gone and I hope, one day she realises what a selfish and disrespectable CF she's been; especially when she realises that not only you but your friendship group will have cut her off.

I hope you are able to get some help from the Police and Small Claims Court over the shoes. Best of luck OP

This is why I don’t lend anything to anyone anymore. It is either not returned or this sort of guff. (Never had to buy back from a pawn shop though!)

I’m glad you are getting them back and whilst I don’t think you will ever see the money from her, you’re well rid of the manipulative woman.

When I was growing up it was ingrained into me never to lend anything that I wasn't happy to give away or write off. That's whether it was money, or anything else.

Sadly this former friend is absolute proof of why. Most people in need who were helped out by friends or family, would be grateful and keen to return or pay back as soon as possible, in this case, immediately after the event.

I would send her a very strict payment plan, and tell her straight that if she defaults at all you will take her to small claims court.

Tell her there is no discussion or negotiation.

I'd want to take an ad out in her local paper naming and shaming.

Please make sure your family knows to never help her again. What she did was so horrid, I would be heartbroken if my family ever fell for her lying sob stories again. Grifter, thief, liar can be used to describe that witch but never, ever again, friend.
Let your friend circle know exactly what happened and I would still file a police report. Your brother would have it on his cc record and you have pictures for proof of ownership.

Make sure you report to police ASAP. If you don't, you will get nowhere in small claims court. Keep all messages, do not block her. You need tye communication trail.

Genuinely just gasped out loud at your so-called friend's CFery! You, on the other hand, sound like an amazing pal. She will quickly realise what she's missing out when you never talk to her again.

I am glad you have got your shoes back. I would take her to the small claims court personally. It is really easy to do and you have plenty of evidence that you only lent them to her and they were not a gift. You can file online really easily for £35 and provide evidence to court. You will attend a hearing (literally held in a small room with the judge) and if you "lose" I think you lose the £35. However, if you win they have to pay for the costs. I would really punch them where it hurts with this one. I would ask them to pay by X date and if not then you will proceed to court. I doubt highly you will lose and if you do it is only a small amount of money.

I have done it and it is really very easy.

Omg OP I am so glad you got your shoes back. What a kind and nice person you are to lend someone your designer shoes. And so sad to read how your awful “friend” treated you.

i hope you get your money back too.

Get your shoes back before they sell, then take your friends to Small Claims court to recover the money.

It is likely you won’t be able to prove the shoes were yours and have the money repaid BUT it will stop this thief from stealing from other people.

Wow. She is a thief.

I have only read your replies, and not the full thread so apologies if I’m repeating another post but…
I’m pretty sure that the pawnshop is obliged to return them to you as they are stolen goods.
If you report them as stolen, and locate them, the police should be assisting you in regaining possession of them.
This is certainly what has happened to friend of mine who bought a stolen bike from a second hand shop. The legitimate owner found the bike. My friend had proof that he’d bought it from a shop. The police said hard luck and returned it to the original owner. My friend lost the money he’d paid for it.
I don’t think the pawnshop owner has any rights to them if they’re stolen.
Does your brother have a receipt for them?

OP, I am so sorry to read this story, but am really delighted that you are getting them back, even in such awful circumstances. Do tell your friends what has happened and what actions you are taking, so there can be no misunderstandings. And, I totally understand how you feel about your shoes, totally!

Did you tell your ex friend the story about the shoes when you lent them to her?
The fact that they were previous to you plus the fact she obviously knew they were extremely expensive will support your contention that this was not a gift.

I would change the communications part so CFer can't try and obfuscate and add a sentence. Keep tweeaking it, OP, until it says what you need it to say.

Dear Ex-Friend,

I have re-purchased my shoes from the pawnbroker. They cost X amount. I have enclosed a copy of the receipt as proof of the amount you owe me.

You may feel that you got away with this, but you are highly mistaken.

As I made perfectly clear in our communications, what you did is theft, which is a criminal offence.

I have reported this matter to the police and obtained a crime reference number. I will inform them the matter is resolved if and when I receive cleared funds from you.

If you do not pay within 30 days I will also be issuing a claim against you in the small claims court.

Best,

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel

OP: I'm glad you are getting your shoes back. Tough way to find out how little that CFer valued your friendship. She will suffer from it when no one is willing to help her out the next time.

Store is dealing with stolen goods. Ex friend buys them back and hands them to you or else you going to police. Let store know they stolen first so it not sold whilst this been sorted. Friendship is over

Sorry, OP, I just caught up and see you've bought the shoes back

Certainly try the court claim route, but I very much doubt you'll ever see that money again
Disappointing too that it turns out your mum's also beeen helping her - you'll probably find there are many more when you spread the news - and about the best that can be said is that none of you are likely to be caught this way again

Buy them back so you know you have them and send her a solicitors letter. What a blackmailing user. Crying cant afford mortgage or feed kids and has basically stolen from you

OP, I think I would consider writing to the pawnbroker as well and asking for a refund on the grounds that they did not have good title to the shoes when they sold them to you.

Something like this:

Dear Pawnbroker,

On 28th September 2023 I contacted your shop to inform you that a pair of shoes you were advertising for sale were my stolen property. As I explained to you on the phone, I lent them to a friend to wear to an event on the clear understanding that she would return them, but she sold them to you for cash. You confirmed that the shoes were still in your possession, but refused to remove them from sale pending resolution of this matter. As the shoes are of sentimental value to me, I could not risk them being purchased by another customer, so I reluctantly re-purchased them myself for X amount.

Since our conversation I have been taking legal advice and I have learned that you appear to be in breach of your legal duties.

Under the Consumer Rights Act 2015, a seller must have the right to sell an item. If the item in question is stolen, the seller does not have the right to sell it. This means that, having been informed that the shoes were stolen property, you should have removed them from sale immediately while the matter was resolved.

According to the industry protocol for the pawnbroking sector published earlier this year, you should also be taking reasonable precautions to ensure that items sold to you have not been stolen. If you had, for example, asked the person who sold you the shoes to provide proof of purchase or even confirm where and when they were purchased and how much she paid for them, she would have been unable to do so. This should have alerted you to the possibility that they were not hers to sell.

In light of the above, I am writing to request a refund of the price I paid to re-purchase the shoes.

I have reported this matter to the police. If you wish to discuss it with them my crime reference number is XYZ.

Yours sincerely,

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel

She will suffer from it when no one is willing to help her out the next time

Maybe, but that'll take time since there are always folk who'll succumb even when something's a really obvious scam, insisting that they're "desperate"

You only have to read the posts about them on here, or see what happens on the more obvious begging threads ...

I would give my left arm for a nice pair of louboutins not really before anyone starts so how you haven’t murdered her I have no idea.

Nasty piece of work, stealing your property and selling it on. I would absolutely tell the police too!

The OP has zero-nada-zip and nil responsibility in this situation. Lending someone something is not making that lender responsible if the borrower steals/sells/pawns the item.

And yes, she should go after the friend! Even if she never sees a dime, the CFer needs consequences for her illegal and grotesque behavior.

FFS

I second going to the police. Get the crime reference number. You can bet your life she will try to spin this with your friends and family. Having an actual crime ref number will help show up her lies

Also I'm angry with the pawnbroker. This can't be an entirely unique event. What are their policies? Surely they must have strict guidelines in place hence why they made her sign stuff and take photos of her ID. What do they normally do? Make money twice?