Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

that is tantamount to theft!! your message clearly did not say you were giving them to her! I would make her buy them back from pawn shop and then just drop her! Any troubles are her own making!

@MommaDoxxer

nonsense

what OP’s “friend” did is theft is a police matter

It's worth it just for a crime reference number, IMO. People report stolen goods to the police all the time for insurance purposes, this is no different. And in this case the identity of the thief is known, so reporting it to the police is probably the OP's best shot at scaring the shit out of her notfriend and getting her to pay up quickly.

The police have plenty of time to investigate transphobic stickers and the like, so I'd have no qualms about this.

She needs to be reimbursing you for your travel to the pawn shop as well OP

you can find templates of letters of 'actions before claim' for the small claims court online. That's what I would send her, with the amount being what you paid to get them back

Buy them from the pawn shop, don't tell her. Watch her squirm.

I have a low tolerance for users especially when try and lay on the guilt. She isn't your friend.

She won't have got much for them. Redeem them so you know they won't be sold on. Then decide what to do next. But get the shoes.

Glad you got them back but I'd be messaging her now and saying 'I have just had to fork out xxx to buy my shoes back. That doesn't mean you are off the hook though – you'll be receiving my invoice and if you don't pay up I am prepared to take it to small claims court.' Then message all your friends.

She probably got 75- 80% if she was lucky of what the Pawn shop charged to sell them back, so OP thats all the friendship was worth to her!

Im glad you have got them back and you should consider the cost paid as a one off to get the leech out of your life forever.

Glad you've got them back. You could take her to the small claims court if you want to force her to pay you (and set an example of never crossing your boundaries again).

Dear Ex-Friend,

I have re-purchased my shoes from the pawnbroker. They cost X amount. I have enclosed a copy of the receipt as proof of the amount you owe me.

In case our previous communications have not been sufficiently clear, what you did is theft, which is a criminal offence.

I have reported this matter to the police and obtained a crime reference number. I will inform them the matter is resolved if and when I receive cleared funds from you.

If you do not pay within 30 days I will also be issuing a claim against you in the small claims court.

Best,

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel

This is what I would do, she is no friend, she is leeching off you and treating you like absolute shit.

As soon as I had my money back I would end this "friendship".

You want what is known as a "letter before action" - i.e. your last chance before it goes to small claims to pay.

There are lots of templates on the internet if you have a google.

Alternatively you could send her something very factual and brief before the letter before action.

"X, I have just had to pay £X to recover my shoes which you sold without my knowledge or permission. Please see proof of payment <e.g. attached copy of invoice from Pawnbrokers>. As discussed, please pay this to me within the next however many days using the details below, or I will have no alternative but to make a formal claim against you in the small claims court.

I trust this will be the end of the matter.

<Enclose bank details underneath>

Regards etc etc"

If you do not pay within 30 days I will also be issuing a claim against you in the small claims court.

.....where I will seek to recover fees and interest in addition to the cost of buying my shoes back from the pawnbroker.

@MargotBamborough's letter is perfect, OP.

Both those letters are good.

I would add something simple to the effect of:

I have saved message evidence that the shoes were on loan to you and not a gift so as to support my claim against you.

It's a bit late but they should have offered to hold on to them until ownership is proved. They were stolen goods so technically they legally have to return them to you and then sue CF for their loss. But I can understand why you did what you did. Tell her either she pays you back or you go to the police and sue her.

This is really good. Not emotional, pure facts.

Possibly worth adding in something about a payment plan?

“I will consider a payment plan over * months”.

Someone here can probably phrase that in more if a legalese way!

Im so angry for you, what a nasty and deceitful thing for her do.
Get your money back and let any mutual friends know that she's a nasty thieving liar.

You should be able to get a simple invoice template from google docs.

Agreed with all the above sample letters. But I DO think you need to report as theft and also fraud to get the crime number to reference in the letter you send to her regarding recovery of costs.

This is honestly one of the worst things I’ve read on here. What a complete betrayal. Well done for keeping a clear head, OP. I hope your shoes arrives back in decent condition. Please keep us updated.

What a nasty deceitful thing for her to do. Good for you buying them back and you got them in time. Take her all the way her behaviour is disgusting.

This.
When you have your crime number you go straight to to pawn broker so you have proof they are potentially dealing in stolen goods. If they sell them on knowing this they are breaking the law.
Your ex friend has stolen from you, she betrayed your friendship and generosity and is now trying to gaslight you.

She doesn't have the right to sell something she doesn't own, especially bad in that it belonged to a friend . You are right to cut the friendship.
I wouldn't hold my breath though re her paying to get the shoes back. Tbh would cut my losses, pay myself to get the shoes back. So called friend would be history.

True - hadn’t considered that. Thanks for making a good point politely and eloquently, with punctuation! 🙏🏼 (Not being sarcastic!)

It is important that the letter you send her is headed 'Letter Before Action'. I would summarise what has happened and include your report to the police and crime number. Something like

Today's date

Dear CF

Letter Before Action

As you know, I lent you my CL shoes for a specific event on (date). You failed to return these shoes and then told me that you had pawned them.

I have managed to retrieve the shoes, but this cost me £xxx in pawn fees. There are also associated expenses as detailed below.

Retrieval of shoes
Phone calls
Postage
etc (anything else you can think of)

TOTAL

Please note that if this money is not forthcoming by September 30th, 2023, I will have no option but to use the Small Claims Court/MCOL to issue a legal case against you.

You may also know that I have reported this matter to the police. The crime number is xxxx. It seems from my investigations with the pawn shop that you not only stole the shoes from me but also represented yourself as the owner. Our previous text messages make the status of the shoes as a loan item perfectly clear. Of course, I cannot predict what action the police will take, but suspect that prompt repayment of the sum above will help your case in any subsequent criminal charge against you.

I look forward to the prompt return of this money.