Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Unreal cheeky fuckery. Wow

You are absolutely not in the wrong here. She can’t afford to pay her mortgage if she buys the shoes back, but isn’t concerned if you can pay yours!? They are your shoes. So confused as to how she could even think it acceptable to sell them in the first place. Imagine just dropping your friend of 10+ years a text to check that they were gifted. Don’t back down girl

This is so outrageous. I would just buy back the shoes myself and have nothing more to do with that leech.

Congratulations! You've tried (but failed) to make the CFer/grifter/thief into the victim now.

She hasn't been maligned, she's been discovered to be the grifter/thief/lowlife person that scams and steals from friends and then tries to make themselves the victim. The grifter/thief/lowlife won't hurt themselves. They use it all to be sorrowful and pitiful but make no mistake, they are a survivor who is probably already on the hunt for her new victims. She has zero conscience and no moral compass so she will never really feel shame or remorse. It's not in her.

Unless this is a wind-up, the CF shoe-stealing thief has graced the page with their presence.
Don't respond OP. If this is real, they're obviously using your name to try and get the thread deleted.
If this is the CF, it shows just how wrong all those stating that it's a "mental health" issue were. This poster, if genuine, is deeply manipulative.

I find it hard to believe that anyone is reversing this to make the "poor" CF the victim. We know that she stole the OP's shoes, many of us guessed that the OP wasn't the only one she'd used and manipulated and surprise, surprise she'd been using the majority of the friend group for money. Her mental health is not their concern. It's harsh but it's true. She'll find others to tell her sob stories to and she'll find others to manipulate because she has history. She did it to her family, she's probably done it to other friends who fell by the wayside when they realised who she is. There comes a point when you have to cut people off and worry about your own mental health and emotional wellbeing and that time has come for OP and her friends and family. The rest "but what if she falls into a mental health spiral and tries to kill herself" is bullshit.

To me, it's not only depressing to hear the criminal apologists but it angers me to my core. Their attitude is why stores in SF (my side of the pond) are closing, why certain everyday toiletry items are needing to be locked up and why CFer criminals continue to ply their "trade".

Because these people blame the criminals: environment, ASD, ADHD, depression, CPTSD, desperation, one political party or another, fate, SA, drug use, not using drugs, every other kind of abuse and anything under the sun to excuse the behavior of the criminal/CFer. Nothing is ever their fault and we are all supposed to suck it up.

Thanks but no thanks. You steal, you deal with the consequences.

I find it hard to believe that anyone is reversing this to make the "poor" CF the victim.

This type of thinking has taken hold of every facet of society.

Tell me you haven't read ANY of the thread, especially the last five pages, without telling me you haven't read the thread. FGS!👀💤

Hence my last sentence. 😉 Many posts are being written in a short time frame. As you read one page, two more go up. Hence my last sentence.

That befuddled me too. What about if the friend is a child-carer who cares for your child? A teacher? A nurse? A chef? Waitress? It's really narrowing the friend pool. 😉

Honestly, it sounded to me like a bunch of Marxist-style BS.

Stay strong OP. You know you are right here, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Ignore the apologist.

My guess is that it's someone just trying to get attention and if they can derail/delete the thread in the meantime, they will feel "big and powerful".

OP, to answer your question earlier - if the pawn-broker had sold the shoes to someone who paid fair value for them and had no idea that they were stolen goods, you would not be able to recover the shoes. The new owner would have bought them fair and square. The CF would still owe you the money for them (the true value of the shoes, not what she received from the pawn shop).

Best of luck in the small claims court. I do agree with some of the people suggesting letting it go, only because pursuing things through the courts, albeit only small claims, is stressful and time-consuming. For some people, it would not be worth the effort. But it sounds like it's worth the effort to you, so I hope it goes well.

I once let a pearl necklace to a work colleague. This was for her wedding day, as she was getting married, which she wore on the day. She then informed me that she had lost them, and would a cooked meal do to make up for it ! They were real pearls and expensive!
Lesson learnt! Never will I lend out anything again.!

Unfortunately not.

And to PP saying it's them (called Maria..) the CFs name isn't Maria. Try again.

I will also post a picture of the shoes as soon as they're in my possession, promise!

Oh I thought they were calling themselves Maria. I've just realised they're trying to make it look like my name is Maria or my nickname is Maria.

It's not, I think that poster is a fake.

If CF does Grace this page, that's fine by me! She can see how awful she's been. And yes to PP who said I need to look at my boundaries. It was a long time ago and I was very young and vulnerable. Too late for that now and don't I know it.

If the shoes were so important to you, why would you let somebody else to put their cheesy feet in them?

I don’t think this is correct, because the pawn shop knew by that point that they were (at least possibly) handling stolen goods.
that is because OP told them so.
she didn’t provide the Crime reference number, which is why I said “possibly”.

So the oner would be in the PB to trace back the shoes and give them back to OP and take legal proceedings against CF for their loss.

Some of you are really nice to your friends! I stopped lending my friends my clothes and things once I left university!

Drug use would explain her money troubles and need to borrow from everyone. What she's done to you all is really nasty, but at least it's out in the open sand over now. If she hadn't taken it that step to far of selling your shoes instead of just 'borrowing' from everyone she could still be ripping off your friends.

If she hadn't taken it that step to far of selling your shoes instead of just 'borrowing' from everyone she could still be ripping off your friends

Well I think the step too far was not even saying sorry and trying to recovery the shoes.

The 'Tattle' site has a section about mumsnet and someone has mentioned this thread 😯

Oh My God! That’s shocking although I have witnessed similar behavior. It always comes from people that can’t get there life together and are jealous of your life. So they take advantage. I allowed someone to stay in my house free while I was away on a lengthy stay. She wore 3 pairs of my designer expensive shoes an ruined them beyond repair
Get your shoes back cut your losses an run for the hills. She will do it again