Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Wow! More victim-blaming and a dose of "friends are more important than things" cliché to boot! Bravo!

I am betting that if your camera had cost a thousand pounds plus and your friend had sold it and not lost it, you would be in a different frame of mind. If it wouldn't change it...well...they say there is one born every minute.

The CFer doesn't deserve the OP's friendship NOR the friendship of OP's friends and family. She doesn't deserve their "understanding", "help" or "positivity". As the OP is finding out, the CFer has used many of the OP's friends and family to enrich herself at their expense.

If you can move forward and still be friends with her, maybe you should both look into the law of attraction and help each other find some mental peace after a shit time. GMAFB!

"

@Nanaof1 nooo op has to put this cf first, and wonder if it's her fault for not being a good enough friend to the cf!

A CF? More like a Thieving Fecker

Yes, but we all got the "privilege" of hearing how wonderful and sainted @Jacesmum1977 is now. Then everyone clapped.

Oh, and LE CL shoes are often in the thousands. I looked up one pair and they were $2200.00 USA. And once gone, they are gone because of their LE nature (as far as I could find out).

Jesus, if a friend did that to me I think I'd be taking a shit on their lawn at least.

You've handled this well OP, cunty fucker is just annoyed that she's been found out.

⬆⬆THIS!! 100% ⬆⬆

I don't understand the "let it go" crowd. She isn't Elsa and this isn't a Frozen movie. She found out she's been scammed, probably for a long while, as has her friends and family by someone with zero conscience or moral code.

These, "let it go" people should offer the cost of the shoes back to the OP, repay her brother and friends who got taken in by the CFer and start sending the CFer a monthly stipend.

Please feck off with your enabling bullshit. Just because you may be a doormat - you should not try to give such crap advice to others!

Thank you for the BEST laugh I have had all day.

You know, I hope the OP can buy back her shoes before they get sold to someone else. Then she should end the friendship.

Sorry, couldn't resist. 😳🤔🙃😉

I’m so sorry you have been through such a horrible experience. Sounds like she has a pattern of this and has taken you all for a ride and I know from experience how horrible it feels.

Sadly I really doubt you’ll get any money back, sadly, but I’m so glad you tracked down your shoes.

Does anyone else really want to see the shoes now? Post a picture, OP!

Your friend and your cleaner......Jesus wept. Any good friend wouldn't put another in a subservient position

So does that mean one shouldn't make friends with one's cleaner then?

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel
*I can confirm, after a long evening of talking to my friends and a lot of tears, this is unfortunately true.

She owes nearly everyone I spoke to money.

Safe to say CFs burnt the bridges with all of us. She's spun different stories to each of us (she's stupid here really) and it's all starting to make sense.

I'm gutted. I'm not gutted at losing her as a friend as I'm too angry. I'm gutted that I let her in and introduced her to my close friendship group who I love dearly.

What a fucking mess. (Sulking into a glass of white as we speak)*

I am sure you are gutted. Any normal person would be. A wolf got into the henhouse, invited by a hen because the wolf wore feathers. I feel badly for you and your friends and wish they had all thought to at least get IOUs from the CFer. But, I think they were all too polite, kind and nice to do that. I am glad your friends will support you and I bet they will be pleased that at least you were able to do something to make her pay, if not financially, socially and morally.

Don't ever, EVER, feel bad about any repercussions that will go the CFers way. They have deserved it and much worse for the horrible way she abused your friendship and victimized you and your friends. Did anyone escape her grift?

Also, OP, PLEASE, when you get the shoes, post a picture of them. begging
And start a second thread when this one fills, which it will soon do. You have hundreds of MNers at your back during this.

I had a CF ‘friend’ for twenty years. When she split with her husband (she’d attacked him but I didn’t find that out till later) I helped her move into her new flat, had her staying at mine for a bit, collected furniture and stuff for her for her flat off people at work.
Then she pleads poverty and can’t feed her kids. I end up lending her over £200. I’m not flush myself.
The marital home gets sold and she announces she’s not touching the money but buys a brand new iPhone.
Never paid the money back.
Probably £270 well spent to be rid of her.

Are you the CF?

{{HUGS}}

You were a decent person who believed someone who has obviously made a living by grifting. Yes, you were a bit naive, especially when she stated borrowing money just from you and your friends were naive in not letting you know that she was getting money from them.

I wouldn't take anything she has ever told you as fact at this point. Her life is a lie and she is raising her kids to be grifters too.

Luckily, it sounds like you have a wonderful family and friends group to lift each other up, so you'll all come out of this a bit poorer, a lot wiser and more cautious, but also with the knowledge of who has your back and that you picked the rest of your friends very well.

Enjoy your wine...maybe get a bit of chocolate too?

No it’s not the same.
I didn’t properly get how bad the other person was when I first came to this discussion. It’s not a crime to get something wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️
And it was dear to me actually, like I said.
Why be a person like that?

Oh here we go, the thread has levelled up.

Just here for the deletion message 😎

This has ended me 😂

Any person saying "they're just shoes" is an idiot. As a very sentimental person myself, I'd be horrified if a 'friend' did this to me with something my family had given me! It's not the item itself, it's the thought and love behind it that's priceless. I'm very glad you got your shoes back, OP - and I'm also glad you've outed the CF to your friendship group. Good for you! 🙂

Is this a wind up?

She’s taking the piss. Her eldest DC should have a job anyway and if she can’t afford food there’s always the foodbank or beans on toast for a week.

So an adult woman who has been to prison and is a heavy drug user makes friends with a teenager at school, no one sees an issue with this and she is assimilated into the family. That’s even madder than her selling your shoes tbh.

Edit: just realised as well you said one of her kids was early twenties, so even if she had them young she must be late 30s at youngest. She’d therefore have been in her twenties when making friends with school age OP.

If this is real your whole family need to look at what sort of boundaries they’re setting.

I was about to go to bed but now cunty fucker has potentially appeared!