Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

I knew a woman like this a my DC primary school, always on the borrow but I equally believe that they don't choose you for friendship they know from the start that they're going to scrounge off of each person that befriends them with no intention of paying the lender back whether it be money or items from catalogues.

I would go quietly and buy your shoes back from the pawn broker. Take them home, put them away in your cupboard and firmly but kindly end your friendship with this person. Leave it there, don’t look for compensation or revenge. Draw a line, put it behind you and move on. Their drama, their problem not yours. Your kindness was taken advantage of but you’ve got the shoes back. Let that be the end of it x

Why am I responsible for this woman's mental health may I ask?

Im in my 20s and suffered a PE in my lungs after child birth. shall I start saying 'she's going to cause me to have another one?'

How is that even similar? Your friend lost a cheap camera with no sentimental value presumably? OP "friend" pawned her wedding shoes. It's not exactly the same now is it?

Exactly. My comment, which said as much was reported and deleted which speaks absolute volumes about this thread. I'm sick of MN to be honest, it seems it's fine to persecute people, as long as there are no MH or adverse affects discussed. It's weak and typical Mean Girl syndrome. Opinions are only valid if they are popular. I hope admin reads this and I hope they question how utterly obtuse and unreasonable they are. Kudos to this online forum for supporting the maligners rather than the maligned. They should be ashamed of their wider impact. I hate to think of the atrocities who run this shit show. Shame on you.

How would you feel if this resulted in self harm or even suicide

Are you the CF?

Are we never supposed to defend ourselves from chancers and thieves, in case they decide to top themselves?

The fact that they were friends makes it so much worse, to my mind.

A few years ago I found out that my friend, who was also my cleaner, had been stealing stuff from my house for years. Because of her actions I had quarrelled with other friends and my daughter because they had realised earlier and I hadn't wanted to believe them. I also recommended her to work with relatives, whom she also stole from.

More than the money or the things, it was the betrayal of trust.

You're not.

Honestly, just ignore the apologists. Some people just love being contrary/trolling.

The risk of you not buying back the shoes yourself is that she doesn't and they sell.

But aside from that she is a MASSIVE CF and no friend at all.

It's awful when you realise people aren't who you thought they were.

@Fallingthroughclouds

I hope your post isn't aimed at me.
How else am I meant to act? What am I meant to do? Just pay £300 and be done with it, and risk her continuing to lie to my friends about her situation and keep borrowing hundreds and hundreds off of them?

No..
She's manipulating us all. We all believed it. We won't believe it anymore.

She wants us to have the exact reaction that you have, to feel sorry for her, to let her be. We've been manipulated for too long, she's dug herself a hole here and it's entirely her fault.

Why am I responsible for this woman's mental health may I ask?

Because it's Mumsnet OP, and to some on here absolutely anything can be explained by either desperation, ADHD or anxiety - even when they've been repeatedly told one or more don't apply
Even blatant stealing is excused, with the usual cry being "But the tories ...", "But Amazon ...", etc, etc.

It's as predictable as night following day and utterly depressing

You’re in your 20s, it’s a 15 year friendship, she has a history of drug use but way before you met her. I get she’s older but still seems odd.

Stay strong @IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel you are in the right xxx

100%

And it's the same posters time and time again being argumentative/trolling every single time.

One name in particular I recognise as it's similar to mine and a few times I've thought "shit! Was that me? How much did I drink last night?"

It has gone too far because the CF didn't sort it out straight away and get the OP's shoes back. I'm sure if she'd bought the shoes back herself or transferred the OP the money the OP would have let it drop.

There's nothing odd about it at all.
Please don't start troll hunting. I said previously written that she is quite a bit older than me.

Take a read back.
I said I'm in my late 20s.

It is pretty out of order that your friend pawned your shoes. That said you obvs know yr friend really well. I would be asking myself if she is in dire financial straits, did she genuinly cock up and thought you had given the shoes to her? Perhaps not, only you know yr friend, but if she is struggling to pay the mortgage, etc, that is a huge emotional strain on someone and wd be worrying her sick. Buy the shoes back, let her pay you back in instalments, but look into yr heart and see if you can find forgiveness there. She may have felt too embarrassed, humiliated to borrow money off a friend. That said you have obvs been a good friend to her to date, doing her hair and make-up etc. If yr friend however is a leech, then you are right to let the friendship fall by the wayside.

Funniest comment of the thread! Yay! @IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel you got to spend hundreds buying your own shoes back, and cf keeps the money from selling them! Make sure you do it quietly too, can't risk upsetting the CF!

Ignore the pathetic enablers on here. Having had my own experience with trying to financially/emotionally help a former addict/abuser/LIAR, I have no sympathy. Nothing that happened in the past or will happen in the future to that CF is your fault or your concern. You have done the right thing by putting her on blast to your friendship group in order to end the CF behaviour.

There are always going to be people who will try and tell you to just "suck it up". I always question their motives. Would they suck it up or are they the people who want others to suck it up after they victimized them.

You know you are doing right. That CFer could find a lot of ways to make money legally, including getting her kids to get jobs, food banks, UC, etc. I think your (now ex) friend has just been using her acting skills to get people to give her stuff because it's easier than working your way out of debt or being responsible.

I truly hope none of your friends got taken by her/her family in any way. Your DB obviously has been taken by the son but now he knows and can stop. Ditto your Mom. It's difficult and I am guessing you feel bad because you brought her into your circle and have found that she was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

You have so many people on your side. When this thread gets full, and it will, start a new one. I think many of us (I know I do) care and want to see this through to the end with you, supporting and encouraging you as needed.

Has she sent any more texts or emails? I wonder if she has read The Mirror article yet? If she has, don't be surprised if she comes on here acting like a victim or telling you to be nice to the "poor poverty-stricken" person who made a "little mistake" and doesn't deserve to lose her friends or your family because of it. My bet is that it'll happen. (And or her kids).

Take a read back to previous replies.
She's not in dire straights. (She has a nice enough home, self employed, got a mortgage etc..) there's being skint and there's dire straights. She's a chancer.

She's been lying to us all and getting money out of all of us.

I reckon she's in on it with the pawn shop. They're probably going to split the profit on your shoes.

Why am I responsible for this woman's mental health may I ask?

You're responsible for mine. If those shoes aren't a size 6, and you don't give them to me when you get them back, I'll have a mental breakdown and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Threads a good way to see all the cf posters too, with all the 'how can you be sooo mean, think of your poor friend'!