Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Buy the shoes back. Give her seven days to pay by a letter sent registered post or you are taking her to the online small claims court

I should've never let her in. I feel bad now bringing her into my circle of friends. Her very bad decision making from the past is related to drugs and alcohol. She has been to prison. Well apparently, that's what she says. What do I believe!

I'm starting to think this is why this is all happening again. I've not ever noticed her to be high or anything in front of me, but she's open about her past of (very heavy) drug use. (We're not talking about a bit of weed here..) and who was I to judge. I would never be friends with an active drug user but she told me this was a thing of the past (way before I met her) so I never gave it another thought. I've been really stupid haven't I.

Maybe I've just been a complete mug. I don't believe anything she's ever told me now. Not after tonight, after what my friends have shared.

Nope - what a cow!! I’d buy them back anyway - write the friendship off and tippex her out of your Filofax.
No point on waiting on her if she’s going to be so self-centred about “not being able to feed the children” or “pay the mortgage for a month” - oh boohoo.
Life is tough and when a “friend” is lent some expensive shoes and thinks you gave them to her - she needs a lesson. Having bought them back write to her and say “this is how much it cost to buy these back - here’s a copy of the receipt. I would be grateful if you could see your way to paying this money back in the near future”. You could add “they were never never offered as a gift, and it would have been circumspect to have checked first”.

@Fallingthroughclouds

I didn't know there would be an article.

I don't believe she's on the bones of her arse.
I think she has manipulated and lied to a group of 5 woman, for her own financial gain.

She only has herself to blame in this.

It sounds like her loss.
I would definitely chase her for payment through the small claims court, report her to the police first.

She sold/pawned the shoes so she got the money for them, so she can buy them back and return them to you!! Simple as. Grab those shoes and never look back at her!
She is out of order even thinking about it never mind actually going ahead and selling/pawning them.

Yes, but I could never feel like that about an ex friend. I hope you all come out of this unscathed and we are not reading about this months later again in the mirror. I apologise, but I now think that this has gone way too farm

I'm glad she lives 2 hours away so I won't bump into her ... she only came down here to see all of us

Makes perfect sense really, since the goodwill of those living closer has probably been used up, but sadly it was always going to be the case that she'd "borrowed" from all of you with no intention of repaying

Hopefully, when she starts badmouthing the whole group, the distance will lend some protection. In any case she'll be busy lining up her next bunch of marks, but if you do hear anything unwelcome, remember the old saying that those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter

Fuck that!
Get HER to buy them back. Then block her. The End. No more Fucks given.

This wasn’t an inadvertent fuck-up, it was deliberate theft. From a friend. Whatever consequences come down on this CF are entirely of her own making. Losing her wonderful friend (and the others in the group) won’t be a loss that she feels. Her sort don’t. She’ll simply move on to another group and grift her way through them.

Wow! Toxic much!!

Tell her she can use the money she gained from selling them to pay for them! No doubt they’ll be more than what she sold them for so she’s out of pocket for the inconvenience she’s caused you!

I’m not a shoe person, I don’t get that fad, but I get that they were special to you under the circumstances they were given to you, and I’d be absolutely raging!

Any guilt tripping she tries can easily be rebutted by saying “Should have thought of that before you pawned something that meant something to me” (double meaning to your shoes and the friendship!).

I’m sorry you’ve been put through this by someone you thought was cool. I know it too unfortunately. I’d also be tempted to go get them, if you’re able to pay for them, because she’s already broken your trust, what’s to say she doesn’t hold them to ransom or some toxic stupidity against you. As a previous person has said, you can send her the bill with payment plan.

Her very bad decision making from the past is related to drugs and alcohol ... I'm starting to think this is why this is all happening again

Well at least you now have some indication of what the money's likely to have gone on

I wonder if she was ever attending a "black tie event" at all, or if it was a story to get hold of some expensive gear?

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel has already bought them back because the pawn shop wouldn’t hold onto them for her, and she was afraid they’d be sold to someone else, @helpplease01. I agree she shouldn’t have had to, though. Once she told the shop that the CF friend didn’t own the shoes or have the right to sell them, the shop should have removed them from sale whilst the matter was resolved.

Hmmm. A pawnshop has essentially given her money for something that wasn't hers. I think legally they have to give you the shoes back without charge although proving they were actually your shoes might be hard.

I hope you explained to the store that they are your shoes and that you expect the friend to give them the money to be able to return to them.

I don't actually care if her children go without food and she can't pay her mortgage. She has essentially stolen these shoes and I also don't believe this for a second...

People like her don't top themselves,they just move onto the next mug.

.

I completely agree!

Shocked that people are saying the OP is responsible for this woman’s mental health!

Quite!!

She absolutely isn’t responsible but I’m fairly sure no matter how angry she is now (rightfully so) as she was a long term friend, she would feel terrible IF something bad was to happen

I've gone from feeling total sympathy for the OP to feeling that this has turned into a total bitch hunt. Tragic either way.

What do you make of the fact that she owes OP's brother and almost all of the friendship group money?

The article doesn't name her.
The forum thread doesn't name her.

I agree she will probably be feeling all kinds of rough/rotten/sorry for herself/upset right now.

I find it hard to feel anything other than this is a natural consequence of her actions.

Hmmm debatable lol just kidding 😁
I’m so used to rearranging the letters on Facadebook, it’s become habit

I know! Don't do something extremely shitty and not expect consequences! This is why there's so many entitled people now because they are doing shitty things and aren't being challenged about it.
If I was OP literally the first thing I would have done is ring the police.