Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

I think ‘buy the shoes back’ is the new ‘cancel the cheque’.

OP has already stated, more than once that she has bought the shoes back.

You absolutely should be getting your shoes back,your ex friend had no business selling your property!
She is claiming poverty and can't pay bills this month,well what does she do every other month!
Utterly disgusting behaviour after your kindness to her as well.

Jesus H Corbett, if you removed all the posts telling OP to do what she has already done, this thread would be about a hundred posts long, not six hundred.

Do you really think no-one in six hundred posts over thirty six hours has had the unique idea for OP to buy the fucking shoes back? It must be brilliant to have such original thoughts and the sheer confidence to know that no-one else has an IQ in positive integers.

I'd be banning people for that. Arseholes.

Nah.the OP needs to fuck her off pronto.

You can swear you know, we're all grown ups.

I think you're totally right to pursue this - she's gotten away with too much for too long and it's beyond time it all comes to an end!

Jacesmum1977

Comparing the I assume accidental lost of a camera is very different to this situation.
The CF deliberately sold the shoes.
Perhaps she doesn't want 'saving' as people seem to be lending her plenty of money, it's sounds like a nice little earner for her.
If you read all the OP posts you will realise the CF has form.
Guess the moral of this story is neither a borrower or a lender be

OP, I feel sad for you. That was a shitty, selfish thing for her to do considering your generosity.

The fact remains that they were still in the shop and she didn’t even check. If this was the misunderstanding she claims it was, and she really wanted to make good on her ‘mistake’, she would have scraped the cash from somewhere and galloped to that pawn shop to give them back to you. She’s left you to deal with that. She’s no intention of making it right.

Just go and buy your shoes back. You’ll be so sad if you lose them. Cut her loose. There’s friendship to lose.

I would not trust she would buy them back in time. Therefore, I would go buy them back yourself and ask her for the money back as others have said, payment plan. I doubt she would pay you back, if it is a big issue regarding money get advice from police. Its not your problem to feed her family. Using your belongings to do so is a total bull crap. Surely she had something of her own to sell, not yours! That is a slap in face considering you went out your way to be a good supportive friend. She doesn't deserve your kindness or friendship xx

If she can’t feed her children why could she afford to go to an event that required posh clothes and shoes?
Get shoes back. Make her pay. End the friendship. Give mutal friends a heads up about the situation (she’s probably been a CF to them at some point so they will believe you).

excuses after excuses. what did she do with the money from the shoes? Tell her to go get them & to tell you when to collect them from her. you dont need to hear the rest of it. end of. story & friendship it seems!

I can confirm, after a long evening of talking to my friends and a lot of tears, this is unfortunately true.

She owes nearly everyone I spoke to money.

I don't think I've got a hope in hell of getting my money back, as she's been borrowing money off of some of the other friends. She owes a lot.

Anyway, I've told the friendship circle over the phone one by one.
They're pretty shocked by the whole thing. They're all speaking to each other now and my phone is going ding ding ding as everyone rightly so is now massively pissed off at CF.

I've told them all about the article and we had a little laugh at the end.
I know I sound like im blowing my own trumpet but we're a really nice bunch of women. We always help each other, and never talk about each others problems or who's borrowed what. It's all come to a head now and all come crashing down.

Safe to say CFs burnt the bridges with all of us. She's spun different stories to each of us (she's stupid here really) and it's all starting to make sense.

I'm gutted. I'm not gutted at losing her as a friend as I'm too angry. I'm gutted that I let her in and introduced her to my close friendship group who I love dearly.

What a fucking mess. (Sulking into a glass of white as we speak)

To all intents and purposes she has stolen your shoes and the pawnbroker is handling stolen goods. As the shoes are so important to you, try to come to some arrangement with the pawnbroker. Tell your ’friend’ that you are entitled to report the matter to the police, but as a gesture of goodwill, she can pay you in instalments. Write it down and get her to sign, preferably with a neutral witness. Tell her in no uncertain terms that if she defaults, you will take her to the Small Claims Court, and claim the original sum, interest, and your costs. If
she defauts and has a CCJ against her name it will create no end of further financial difficuties so that her initial costs will pale into insignificance. You have to be tough - her financial woes are not your responsibility and she should not be trying to blackmail you by saying she cannot feed her kids, or pay her mortgage. Good luck.

Hang on,after explaining to the pawn shop the shoes weren't owned by CF and as such they were selling stolen property,the op still had to buy them at the advertised price thus earning the pawn shop a healthy profit?! Hell, I'd be sending a very strongly worded email insisting they reimburse that profit forthwith and pointing out the police have been informed of the theft and subsequent sale.

That’s clever 👆

The shoes were a gift from @IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel‘s brother, @amccabe15, so she doesn’t have the receipt. He thinks he can prove the purchase from his bank records if necessary.

What an entitled CF. Why would she ever think you would give her such an expensive pair of shoes? To be honest I’d cut my losses (and ties with the CF) and buy back the shoes. A harsh lesson on trust I think.

All of you take her to small claims to get your money back ...

Omg the cheeky bitch!!! I'm so sorry. I'd advise you to get the shoes back in case they're sold and completely fuck her off. Tell her she's lucky that you don't call the police on her for selling what wasn't hers.

Absolutely tell her to go get them back today or you are calling the police.

I actually laughed that she says she can’t pay her mortgage Does she realise exactly how lucky she is to have a mortgage these days yet she’s got the bloody cheek to pawn yr shoes her kids are adults it’s not like she’s got babies. People like this make my blood absolutely bloody boil does she know how lucky she was to have a friend who’d go n help her with her hair make up let alone lend designer shoes ?! I’ve never been lucky enough to have either and if I did I would treasure them instead of doing this. I’d tell her she’d have to miss her mortgage payment this month and use her credit card to get yr shoes back :(

Out of curiosity, what would've happened if the shoes had been sold on from the pawn shop?

Also, she's just left our group chat and removed us all from social media.
I think she's in a sulk.

I'm glad she lives 2 hours away so I won't bump into her.

I don't think she will be coming down our neck of the woods anytime soon, as she only came down here to see all of us.

I do realise this entire thread has become extremely outing, but do you know what, tough shit. You can't go round treating a decent bunch of friends like this.

This.
I think sadly you will need to be the first to tell your mutual friends as I think she may then try to control and twist the narrative on this.

I think you need a new group chat, or remove her from the existing one, and a good night with food and wine

I don't understand the people saying "but maybe she's fallen on hard times". That doesn't give her the right to steal!