Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

@JacquiPan Cheeky Fucker

Blimey no! Cheeky Fucker.

We aren't that vulgar hahaha

No, but I wish it was Cunt Fuck.

But you are a ‘good’ friend.
You help your ‘friend’ if she needs it.

I understand about sentimental value and I understand that she should or have sold them but…. At the end of the day it is ‘just’ a pair of shoes. Sentimental or not.

Years ago I lent my friend a camera (before pic phones) as se was going out and wanted to capture memories of the event.
Something happened and she lost my camera which had been gifted to me by someone special. We are still great friends today because I valued her friendship more than I valued the camera even though it was a gift to me.

You said yourself that she has had a bad time in life and if she’s a ‘wallower’ then instead of offering her material things, have you tried to help her change how she see’s life? Or how she can move onward and upward? If it was me I’d be very giving positivity and how to change your thoughts from “nothing goes right for me” to “the universe has got my back” and/or other ways to make her feel better.
Not lend a pair of CL shoes that mean so much. I know you did it out of the goodness of your heart.
If you can move forward and still be friends with her, maybe you should both look into the law of attraction and help each other find some mental peace after a shit time.
✌🏻🫶🏻

I thought cnuty fckuer but then though nah lol crap friend 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have phoned 1 of our joint friends and told them what happened, and low and behold CF owes her quite a large sum of money. I don't know how much, I didn't ask, but I'm guessing this will be a running theme now

Given that so far there's a 100% match between those you've told and those she's stolen "borrowed" from I'd say you're right - especially since you said she's burned her boats with her family

And I rather doubt that the other helpers will ever see their money again either

Or…report them to the police as stolen and let them know you found them in a pawn shop….

Get the shoes from the pawnshop and cut your "friend" off.

Sounds like you have been taken advantage of for a long time., life is difficult for us all and this person needs to grow up and take responsibility for their own situation . And you shouldn't enable the dependency.

How much were they pawned for?

Some people are beyond help and are just takers in life.your ex friend is one of these.
You could try and help her and talk over her problems or whatever but it would make no difference.
They take take take and nothing is ever there fault,they always have bigger problems or issues than everyone else and of course life is and has been harder for them.
Wallowers never change its who they are.
Get your shoes back and don't feel bad

Jacesmum, it's "just" a pair of shoes worth many hundreds of dollars. She didn't lose the shoes, she sold them. She made financial gain out of something that didn't belong to her and deprived her "friend" of the value of that thing - not only the "sentimental" value but the actual cash value, which was a significant amount of cash. This is totally different than losing a camera. Not even in the same ballpark.

You have been an amazing, generous friend.
But yes, now is the time to end it. Permanently.
I hope you get your shoes back.

She was wrong but also,

Don't learn designer shoes to poor friends.

I wouldn't lend an apple mac book to a very poor friend. If they are struggling for money, they are going to be tempted to at least keep it, at worst sell it

@Jacesmum1977 But you don't steal off your friends. It's one of the ultimate betrayals. Sealing someone's property is very different to accidentally losing someone else's property and being very apologetic about it and possibly offering to replace it.

From the OPs story this person seems to have been taking advantage of all her friends and possibly her family too. Also a lot of her issues have been down to her poor decision making. You don't need friends like that in your life. If a friend walked into your house and stole £300 off you would you let them back in again?

Buy the shoes back & make sure she realises that what she did was wrong & how much it hurt you . Tell her that this is a life lesson for both of you & then go to small claims
court to show her that her actions have consequences. Just don't all in the debt since she was once a friend. She needs to understand that she can't do this kind of crap.

I get notifications through but not sure why for mums net. Just read this and made an account to write a reply... get her to buy the shoes back !!!!. She should of thought about that before selling something that wasn't hers. I'm livid for u !!! Selfish cow 🙄

She’s not a CF she’s a thief

I’m glad you got back your shoes and pursue getting the money back

I was wondering if you really had to pay to get the shoes back if they were already your property? They weren’t hers to sell.

She blew up the friendship group and knowing they were your wedding shoes she knew what she was doing

What matters is that OP was the victim of a crime at the hands of someone she thought she could trust.
People aren't doing themselves any favours by trying to belittle the issue by stating that they're "just shoes". The nature of the stolen items is irrelevant.

She's no friend. Get them back even if you have to pay , and never speak to her again. Her loss, what a cheek!

Quite incredible! The simplest solution is to tell the pawn shop that they are stolen goods (do you have a receipt?) and that’s the end of this ridiculous special pleading.

Isn’t it the case that the pawn shop can only demand the amount they lent on the shoes otherwise since they know the goods were stolen then are in breach of Proceeds of Crime Act if they make a profit

To be fair I read cunty fucker for months before I realised and in this case far more appropriate.

Can you get hold of the original receipt? If so, explain to the pawnbroker that she has illegally pawned the shoes (threaten prosecution if necessary).

If you can buy the shoes back and end friendship

Buy your shoes back in case you lose them . End your freindship with that person. She's a leech!