Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

To those stating that OP would be a "mean girl" for telling others, I disagree. If I were friends with OP and I had been scammed after this incident, I'd be annoyed at OP for not warning me.

Completely agree

it would be a very different scenario if CF first text had been omg I’m so sorry, I will fix this I will get them back it was a huge mistake. But no, abusive texts and it looks like cf has been playing off all their friends.

Only read your initial post but fuck her emotional blackmail she needs to get her scrawny arse down the pawn shop (very Dickensian do they still exist; never seen one personally) get tge back by whatever means she has & I mean by whatever means & then return them to you; once you have them you can tell her your friendship is well & truly over because true friendship doesn’t involve screwing a friend over!!

Just a thought - if you show the pawn shop
owner you spoke with the proof of purchase, could they refund you the £300 directly?

Get the shoes, leave the ‘friend’

What ever happens next your friendship with her is over. She’s trying to make you feel guilty for making her buy the shoes back that she sold? Your shoes? Wether she can lay her bills or not isn’t your problem, she needs to buy the shoes back and get them to you. But realistically if she does or doesn’t do this you are no longer going to be friends anyway so there’s a chance she might just stop talking to you and not go and buy the shoes back, she has nothing to lose? What will you do if she doesn’t do what you’re asking? You may end up having to buy them back yourself 😞

If you pay off her lawn debt (what she got for them plus interest) that will be a lot cheaper than buying them as a 3rd party. Get the pawn ticket from her, get your shoes back on the ticket and then send her monthly invoices. Once she’s paid you back (she won’t) or not, bin her.
do not buy them, use her ticket, they will sell at a big profit, much better to get them out on her ticket.

OP, wouldn't it be ironic if the VVVVCF agreed to pay back but then tried to borrow from the other friends to do so! I think you are doing the right thing, you need to warn your friends and you need to hold CF to account. No doubt she'll sack you all off soon and look for the next lot of people she can fleece. Good luck.

@Toomuchtrouble4me the CF friend didn’t pawn them; she sold them!

Read the thread, and she owes your other friend money, but you're all too decent to say anything and keep her money "woes" private.

I fear she's taken all of you for a ride.

Awful behaviour!

Some people are really pathetic on this thread suggesting that OP just let it go. Maybe that's what you would do, but I'm glad OP has a backbone.

And to say you can't upset get in case she threatens suicide shows more about your line of thinking. You can't go about life letting people fuck you over on the off chance they threaten to off themselves because of it.

The OP has had a cherished item stolen from her and had to buy it back herself. Instead of apologising, her ‘friend’ has sent her horrible messages and tried to blame her for the situation.

Please don’t try to paint OP as the bad guy, she’s the victim. She has every right to report a crime to the police, to try and get her money back, and to tell her friends what has happened (not least so they don’t fall for something similar).

It’s unbelievable for someone to think it’s okay to sell an item that is owned by someone. Her tight financial situation is irrelevant. It’s worse than stealing from a large company shop to me! I’d tell the shop what happened and say you will be buying them back if she doesn’t so they are not sold to someone else. I would then point out to CF ‘friend’, that selling your shoes which you selflessly leant to her, was theft and she should buy them back immediately. My response to any further moaning about what she will have to do without to do that, would be to tell her that what she has done is so wrong that you don’t want to hear it 🖐️

She’s a CF of the highest order. If she can’t afford to buy them back for you immediately, I would buy them back myself (so’s not to lose them to someone else) and ask her to pay you back in full, either immediately or over 2/3 months - no longer!! I would then block and delete her from your life. If she doesn’t pay you back (any or at all!) at least you’ve got your shoes back, this CF out if your life and move on. Sorry you’ve had to deal with this!!

I'd drive over and get her to the shop with her purse and make her buy them back. Then I'd never speak to her again. She sounds like a parasite. You are being way to nice to her. You may need to look at the reasons why you gave so much to her??? Seems like a unhealthy dynamic. She is not appreciating your warm friendship obviously. And you did too much for her in the first place. You should never have lent her the shoes to begin with. Shoes should never be worn by other people. Both of you played a role in this situation. She took the piss because you opened the door for her too.

Definitely not your fault for lending them to her you were just being a good friend and if she was in such a difficult spot she should’ve tried speaking to you first. On top of the fact she’s sold then she’s then telling you lies (and a sob story) saying that she was under the impression you gave them to her, she doesn’t sound like a great friend.

You shouldn’t have to purchase a new pair whether you can afford it or not. Her and her children are adults and it’s not your duty to contribute to their care. As friends we help each other out but this just sounds like someone taking advantage.

Sorry I may sound harsh but she needs to get your shoes back.

She stole from you- it's her responsibility what happens to her kids, not yours

Friend hasn’t got a ticket - she didn’t take out a loan against them, she sold them to the pawnbroker. What should have happened is that the OP should have reported the matter to the police, got a crime number from them and then informed the pawnbroker of the situation. Pawnbrokers are regulated and provided the OP could prove ownership, they would have to have returned them to her at no cost. It seems she’s already paid for them, so I think realistically she needs to approach the pawnbroker for a refund as she can prove they were handling stolen goods.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable and your friend is entirely in the wrong.

Nice bit of victim blaming there. The OP does a nice thing and you think she’s brought it on herself. Do you really think she would have let her friend borrow the shoes if she’d had the slightest inkling she would pawn them? And she can’t drive her friend over to the shop to get them back because there is no shop. It’s an online broker.

Of all the CF posts I've read on mumsnet this is one of the most CF of them all. Cheeky cheeky .

This sort of happened to me but a bit different
A friend at uni took all my makeup - I love makeup and it was stuff like custom prescriptives foundation so no use to anyone else!
I sort of forgave her and got my stuff back

Then I moved to a house and had a gift set of st tropez fake tan which I put by the stairs to take up to the bathroom
Went to take it up and it was gone

The final straw was being in my new house and checking her bag and realising she had lifted a load more makeup. I told her and she put it all back on me that it was ME that stole her makeup at uni
In my other friends words "you have enough of the bloody stuff, why would you ever steal someone else's?!"
I cut all contact because I couldn't trust her in my home

If she reported the theft to the police and gave the pawnbroker a crime number, they should have handed them back free of charge on proof of ownership. They’re stolen goods and the broker can’t knowingly sell them on. I would be concentrating on getting a refund on those grounds.

What does CF stand for? If it is Cnt Fck, then, yes, she is a massive one of those. Tell her that, if you do not have those shoes back within a couple of days, you are going to the police so she can have a criminal record to worry about too! I would suggest that, if you can, you buy the shoes back and she reimburses you in case the shop does, indeed, sell them. What a disgusting piece of cr*p she is!