Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Letting it go is the easy way out and something CFers always hope for when they steal, grift or "borrow"*

I do agree, @Nanaof1 - however I was thinking of the ongoing pain for OP rather than the CF if she tries to pursue this. Of course if she's fully up for it that's a different matter, and the very best of luck to her

No surprise to learn the CF's son's been on the scrounge as well, or that the unpleasant messages have continued; IME people like this rarely take any responsibility, and as said the really key point is that others are warned so they don't go on getting caught as well

... whether that's via the Mirror or whatever else!!

No, she can't do anything. She's not named.

Oh I would love to hear how she reacts if/when she sees the article.

I'd buy the shoes myself and send her a repayment plan. She won't honour it. The friendship is over.

Never has a CF been more deserving of being exposed in the press than this.

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel you’ve done well to get through this so far, when will the shoes arrive?

If she gets wind of the article then contacts you in a strip about it then she has effectively identified herself as the thief. That would be a bit stupid. Well more stupid than she already is

I've messaged around I'm meeting with 2 of our friends for a coffee in the week.
These 2 that I'm meeting are probably the most prominent in the whole group, they are the most involved and I know they have helped her a lot, too.

I'm definitely going to take this further. My plan is to get a crime reference, write her a header letter with the crime reference number in, and if no avail, take her to small claims. I will put all of this in writing.

In regards to the pawn broker, well I've done some reading and the reviews are shite. It does say on their website they're regulated by the FCA so I'll also be sending them a strong worded email too.

I will be reporting to the police, more so, to try and get some money out of CF. I just desperately hope she doesn't see the article about her and then blocks me, but I do know where she lives so I can write to her.

DB was going to go nuclear. Particularly after him telling me about her DS asking DB for bits over the years. DB is a really good lad. He works incredibly hard and is only in his early 20s, which is why those shoes mean so much to me. He got those shoes for my wedding off his own back as he knew owning a pair of CL were a dream of mine.

Stupid me for letting her borrow them. Thankfully she's a clean and tidy person which is why I didn't mind. I never ever thought she would do this to me. I won't be lending anything out ever again that I can't afford to lose. CFs DS owes DB £30 for something too, so I doubt he will get that back after this fiasco.

CF is a good 15 years older than me. I'm in my late 20s, which is why she's befriended my family / mum etc. she sort of slotted in. Funny that ay!

You may already have done it but really do take screenshots of all of the conversations about the shoes with her. She’ll undoubtedly delete some and you’ll want the evidence.

I've screen shotted everything, even the messages where she's asked me for things in the past. Even silly things like when I've transferred her money I've sent a screenshot of bank app that it's gone through. I've kept everything! She will absolutely delete it all, especially if she finds out about the article.

I'm not that bothered now if she finds it, it's her fault anyway!

That’s good. You’ll have all the evidence because I doubt she’ll pay up somehow.

Ha ha ha! Proper LOL at this! 😂😂

No doubt she'll try bleating about how unfair you are and how she genuinely thought you had given her the shoes to all and sundry. I personally wouldn't wait till you have coffee with your friends. Give them the basics now and fill them in when you meet. Otherwise she'll be getting her version out to try and discredit you. A CF of the highest order.

That the CFer is a total taker and no matter what you do for her, you'll never, ever get any type of nicety back. I am sure the CFer never told the OP and her DH that she wanted $$ for watching the baby for a couple of hours. Friends help friends. But then, she sends the bank info, wanting money from people who have been SO good to her.

NOW does it make sense?

@Nanaof1 you're so right!

I put in our chat something along the lines of 'is anyone free to have DC for a few hours this weekend? We're going to xyz.. thank you'

She replied and had DD, then the day after she sent her bank details she I have her some money.

I think I've probably enabled this here to be fair. I wouldn't dream of and have never asked friends for money for looking after their children. That's what we are here for!

I’m glad the shoes are on the way back to you, and totally agree that she is a CF

but

in the kindest possible way, i think you need to draw a line under this and move on. Crime numbers and headed letters and group WhatsApp witch hunts seem a little extreme, and are only going to make you bitter.

You know who she is, and what she is. Move on, and be happy in your own life. Karma will catch up with her.

I am so happy that you are getting your shoes back. Also it's good to hear that you will be telling your friends and family about this. The CFer will be looking for a new person to con/grift/victimize.

Don't worry about the article in The MIrror. You didn't give them permission to use it, they just lifted it. I hope she does read it and sees that her theft isn't going to be buried.

I wish you the best of success in getting your money back, either from CFer or the pawn shop. Hoping the pawn shop has to refund you the money because they will really go after her for the money.

I wouldn't draw a line under it when I'm a few hundred quid down after having to re-buy my own possessions. OP needs to go to the police to get a crime reference number so that if this gets taken further, she's gone through the appropriate channels.

Yes don't wait until you meet your friends in person - get the news out there and then complete the circle with them in person at your meeting(s). Don't let your ex-friend get ahead of you. 🌹

I would not be able to resist posting the article in a group chat.

Whatever you send her, make sure it is posted as trackable so she has to sign - either recorded post or special next day delivery and make sure you keep the tracking too

OP, I haven’t read all of the posts, so this has quite likely been mentioned already, but in case it hasn’t: it would be worthwhile pointing out to her that, should it go to small claims court, she will be responsible for all of your costs if you win (small claims fee, legal costs etc).

But, as a pp mentioned, it is well worth going to the police to report them stolen and presenting this information to the pawn shop. I’m pretty sure they would have to refund you in full. She will have signed a contract with the shop stating that she is the owner of the shoes, so they have legal recourse to go after her for fraudulent activity.

I cannot believe that a friend who you have supported through thick and thin could do this. It’s outrageous. I’ve no doubt she’s going to go postal on you when she receives this letter. Batshit woman.

TBH your recourse is with the pawnbroker - they have sold on suspected stolen goods, they should have advised you that they could not hold them without a crime reference number.
Request an immediate refund & provide them with the details incl proof of purchase & ask if they need a crime reference number for their insurance/ accounting purposes & let them take ur former DF to court. If u paid by credit card is worth checking if they will refund you & take their own action.
LBAs etc / repayment plans could be counter productive as there were never terms for a loan. If she has a pants credit rating another CCJ makes no difference, if she doesn’t work or already has one neither will a criminal record.

In regards to the pawn broker, well I've done some reading and the reviews are shite. It does say on their website they're regulated by the FCA so I'll also be sending them a strong worded email too

Good luck with that, OP, though don't think I'm blaming you for letting them know how you feel
It's a notoriously dodgy "industry" and a questionably acquired pair of shoes is likely to be the least of it - and that's if they honestly could have been expected to know, which you'll never prove

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel

If they’re regulated by the FCA you can report them to the regulator directly.

Pretty sure, the 2 friends you're meeting up with in the week will share their own stories of this CF. I would love to see your friends faces when you tell them everything. My jaw hit the floor so guess they'll have similar reactions.

There's no going back on this 'friendship' now. She deserves to be left out in the cold. Awful awful behaviour.