Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

For once, a media outlet picking this up may not be a bad thing. I’d be tempted to send a link so she can see the comments… I bet she pays up PDQ…. If anyone asks you can send them the link.

I agree I wouldn’t send a message to the group chat, I’d be phoning your friends directly and explaining why you won’t be engaging with her in any group setting.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/womans-15-year-friendship-tatters-31067722

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/womans-15-year-friendship-tatters-31067722?intsource=amppcontinuereading&inttmedium=amp&intcampaign=continueereadingbutton#comments-wrapper

It's in the bloody mirror!!

I think I will text friends individually rather than a group chat as PP said.
Well that's a first for me, an article In the paper!

I don't think she has seen the thread or article (yet) as she will probably lash out at me for this. She can't do anything legally about that can she? It can't bite me on the arse that there's an article out there?

No she can't do anything about it. Even if you named her, it wouldn't be libel or slander as it's true.

Tell her to give them back to you. End of.

Nah it's not named her and if it's not true then she wouldn't recognise herself would she?

I'd just forward the link to your friends and say "this is about X". Easiest thing in the world now.

Theft is defined as “an intention to permanently deprive.” She stole your shoes and the pawn shop is guilty of selling stolen goods. They should have asked her for proof of purchase. Personally I would report the pawn shop to the police as well as whatever you do to the CF who stole from you.

Glad you got this sorted out. This is why I never lend people things ever now.

A few years ago I made a friend through work who became a close friend. She’d ask me to lend her eg £100 etc on a few occasions but as she always paid me back on time I was fine with this.

One time she asked me to lend her suits, one was a nice Mango one (back when they were mostly on the continent) and one was a Karen Millen smart one, both for job interviews.

We then ended up falling out and of course I wanted both suits back and a friend tried to help me but the friend I lent the suits to had maliciously got rid of them. I was told afterwards she was jealous of me and used me for my money.

We then got back in touch and rekindled our friendship but she wasn’t nice and there was another issue with money so I ended up ending the friendship.

What a thieving CF! Well, she overplayed her hand this time.

I think I’d do this too.

Your friend has shot herself in the foot one too many times with you and you’ve been like most of us, too nice.

I hope she pays you back she was never your friend she wanted what you have. She was probably jealous of you and your life. She needs to go to work and get another job if she wants the sweet life.

Hmmm I think you have misread this entire thread and possibly only a snippet of the OP's original post.

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel
Make sure you take a screenshot of all of your messages from and to her about this in case she deletes them.

Well, her messages are all about HER and how you have affected HER. She hasn’t inquired about your well-being, or expressed any genuine (believable) contrition. I would message the article to your friends and say “Can you guess who?” If she’s this entitled, she’s probably been hitting them up too.

Especially knowing that the grifter/thief will be looking for the next mark. The friends that OP introduced to the CFer deserve to know the truth, though I would talk to each one individually. Verbal has more impact than the written word and gives the friends the ability to ask questions and commiserate one on one.

The last person on earth that I would care about affecting is the CFer. You reap what you sow. People deserve to be warned about her behavior.

OP--It sounds like the DS is taking after dear old Mum. Make sure they haven't been hitting up your other relatives and friends. Your DB sounds like a great brother who has your back. Have him get the POP for you so you can do what needs to be done. Don't forget to get the crime ref #. It will come in handy.

Happy that your shoes have shipped

Your friend is outrageous

We need a picture of the shoes, once they have been shipped and arrived safely back to where they belong. What a stressful experience.

"She sold them fraudulently". Thats a crime. Hth.

I think the pawnbrokers should have looked into the ownership question more, too. Even if they'd asked OP if she had any proof that the shoes were hers, that would have been something.

Pawnbrokers are regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority, so it might be worth looking into that side of things with them, OP. Or tell the pawnbrokers that you're going to the FCA, they might refund your money just to save them the aggro!

The ex-friend is a massive CF though and has no moral compass.

Dear OP, you sounded really quite nervous when you were asking about the article. She can't sue you as 1. You didn't write the article / speak to the journalist and 2. The article does not contain identifying details.

It sounds like she's done quite the number on you. Remember, you are the victim here.

Personally, I'm just waiting for the additional examples of CF-ery that are bound to come out once friends and family are aware.

I was going to suggest this too. OP has provenance of ownership and a text to prove they were on loan. I’d be reporting it to the police. I think in certain circumstances if it can be proved the pawned item was not the property of the person pawning it, the police can retrieve the item while they investigate so it might offer OP a bit of relief to know the shoes can’t be sold while they sort it out.

She is one of lifes parasites.

Totally tell your friendship group individually

The people commenting on the mirror story are all saying she's a CF.

Also, if the pawn shop are regulatly reported as selling on stolen goods the police will be very interested.

If the shoes are that important to you, go and buy them back before someone else buys them!
And learn the important life lesson not to part with anything that you can’t afford/don’t want to lose.