Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Your ‘friend’ is a cheeky CF!
I hope she reads this thread and sees what people think of her.

OP as others have said Small Claims Court will be your best route. There are some very helpful materials online but basically you need to keep screenshots of everything, send her a letter before action - plenty of examples online - but basically a letter setting out what’s happened, asking her for the money back and saying if she doesn’t comply you’ll being issuing court proceedings.
If she doesn’t comply issue a claim for the money and ask for costs and interest.

Organisations like “advice now” are really good for help with the process. Don’t be intimidated by the thought of a small claim action - the vast majority of people don’t have lawyers and it’s very informal and straightforward. If she doesn’t issue a defence you’ll be able to apply for judgment in default (you win because she hasn’t defended the claim) or if she doesn’t attend a trial she’ll almost certainly have judgment entered against her. Her credit will be buggered for all time unless she pays within 28 days of the order. If she doesn’t pay you could ask the Court for an attachment of earnings order, third party debt order (asking her bank account to pay you any money they hold)

Your brother could provide a short witness statement if it goes to trial saying he bought you the shoes and you can provide a copy of the pics of you wearing shoes. This should be sufficient to prove ownership. Have a look at Civil Procedure Rules 27 and the Practice Direction for what to expect. It’s not as bad as it sounds! There’s tons of guidance online about how to set out a case for small claims and all you need to know.

Belt and braces I’d e mail pawn shop owner asking him to explain circumstances of sale etc and you could add that to your documents for Court.

Police action will result in a criminal record but unlikely to get you your shoes back.

Sorry for poor punctuation etc typed in a hurry! Good luck and sorry this happened.

Morning everyone.

I've woken up with a bit of a fresher head today and the initial rage has gone (I'm still livid, but I need to sort this rationally)

Good news, my shoes have been shipped! They should be with me Monday I'm guessing. Today I'm going to put together a message to tell our friendship group. My brother has told our parents what's going on.
Db came round last night for a chat and he said he can get proof of purchase from a bank statement. My brother who bought them is only a few year older than CFs son, and DB told me last night the CFs son has asked him for money a few times the last couple of years. They're friends but not super close. So the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it.

He now won't speak to CF and Co ever again, he's deeply hurt about everything too, as CF was at the wedding with her brood. She knew what those shoes meant to me.

I'm not sure whether to put 1 message in our group chat, or to message our mutual friends (who are my friends who I've introduced CF to over the years), and today I'm going to put together the headed letter and post it to her. CF doesn't know I've bought the shoes back so as PP said I wonder if she's now lashing out as she's panicking. I'm not going to tell her I've bought them back, I'm not going to say a word.

I'm just aghast at this whole thing. She has let me down. Badly. She's betrayed me, and the truth is I don't think she even feels a tiny bit of guilt. I've been such a mug!

Buy the shoes yourself and ask her to repay you at £x per month until the debt is paid. What an absolute beast to do this to you. You’re best off without this person in your life.

Do the shoes show as sold on the website? Maybe she has looked and tried to buy them back and realised she can't..

Well quite. She seems quite keen on selling things...

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel as the CF had sold the shoes to the pawn broker and not just loaned against them then the only way she could have got them back was as you did - buying them.

You're lucky they didn't sell already!

You need to send her a LBA (letter before action) giving her 28 days to pay you the sum of £XXX which is what you paid to buy the shoes back. Make it clear that if she does not pay within the time limit you will take her to court for the money.

(The small claims court process is simple)

Absolutely let all your friends know what she did. Her attitude was disgusting given how much you've done for her.

Despite thinking this is massive injustice, I really wouldn't put together a message for your group. It could come across as a bit vindictive and have a really negative effect both on her life and yours, you may find you're the one that loses friend over this. I would just mention it in passing to your friends, rather than starting a witch-hunt. As you can see from my previous posts I do think she is massively out of order and I'm so sorry she did this to you.

I'd be doing a lovely Facebook post with a photo of the shoes when they come back, explaining the situation and tagging her. So every one of her friends knows what a thieving toad she is!

Screen shots of your messages with her perhaps, to go with the message to friends?

I wouldn't just threaten her with the police, I would report her for theft.

You should definitely tell your friends, show them the messages. They need to know what she is like before she tries to take advantage of them.

@Fallingthroughclouds

Why shouldn't the OP alert her friends? CF is a thief. I would want to know if a "friend" of mine was a thief and would be disappointed in my friends if they did not warn me about it. So what if it affects CFs life, it's not the OPs problem.

I don’t think I would do a group message as that’s not right either. I would either have the conversations 1:1 when I see people or message them individually. It definitely needs saying so she doesn’t do this to anyone else but it’s the way of doing it that should be better handled.

If you read my post I did say she should tell her friends, yet not in a group message. It may be viewed as sensationalising it. I'd rather be told face to face and have a chat about it. A group message would make me back off. If some people are really close with the other women it could easily back fire.

Yes you have to give her a chance to pay you back the money before small claims . It’s all quite simple . Just reiterate it’s quite clear that the shoes were only on loan so you had no right to sell them . Due to you not getting the shoes back I had no choice but to buy my own shoes back . Please find enclosed a copy of the receipt . I require the monies back to this account xxxxxxxxx within 28 days or I will proceed to small claims court . I have proof of purchase and screen shots between us so this will be straightforward and detrimental to your credit rating . Plus I will be adding court costs to the final amount owing .

recorded letter straight and to the point , don’t get nasty or personal and I would not recommend slagging her off to friends at this stage .

Also again in my message, I was more worried about the effect it would have on the OP's life.

Agree . Don’t do it in case you have to go to small claims

Don’t let her get away with her theft! I’d have reported her to the police and got the shoes back as stolen goods, but I understand your desperation. It’s really easy to put a money claim in - just put what you had to pay to get them back. You’ll also have the costs added on if there are any (usually about £50).

Do let your friendship group know. You could stop a similar thing happening to someone else. Don’t be swayed by the struggles of your ‘friend’. Tell the police now if you haven’t already - or rather, give her 7 days to pay you back the money and then tell them if she doesn’t.

"The Mirror" has it.

Glad your feeling better this morning. The initial anger and disbelief when something like this happens is very unpleasant. You have had lots of brillant advice. I would encourage you to report her to the police. I am concerned about who else she could do this too. She seems to have no morals and could happily take advantage of anyone, even someone vulnerable.

I agree with you. I wouldn't want to do anything that may lead to CF getting one ounce of sympathy. I'd still tell everyone, just not in group chat.

Excellent!

I'm glad you got your shoes back. When I've been taken advantage of in the past, it took a beat to come to the realisation that losing £350 or whatever works out less than I could have lost over many years of dribs and drabs of taking bits. You've spent a lot of money to divest yourself of a person who is not, and never has been, a person who cares about you.

I would set up a new group without her and explain why so your friends are aware and not giving her more money or items. Exit the old group and block her on all media. Then try to move on. Accept the money as a loss, and report to police if you want to, but without expectation of getting the money back.

I'd put a link to the Mirror in the group chat tbh, you don't owe her anything here !