Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Such a hurtful thing to do she was obviously clued up that they were designer and where to sell them. You went out of your way for this person and this is the thanks. Glad you have told family and friends anyone helping her needs to know what she is capable of doing.

I’m so glad you’ve got your shoes back . Your former friend is a thief.

She was completely out of order. She needs ro get them back and her sob stories are just that, dont fall for it.

If you dont think she ever will, then scrape the money somehow and get them back yousrself, and tell her she owes you.

Its theft, theyre expensive, she isnt a friend

I wouldn't bother trying to get the money back. Just tell all your mutual friends what happened and cut her out. Never speak to her again. She's a thief and a brazen one.

This is unreal. Cunt doesn’t even begin to describe her. I’m so glad you’ve managed to secure the shoes either way. I’m fuming on your behalf

Normally the patio remedy is reserved for cheating bastard husbands and the women who steal them, but this evil woman stole your SHOES!!!

I think I would've done the same as you OP, just to get them back and have it over with.

Just on the issue of stolen goods/police etc- I used to be a licenced 2nd-hand dealer/pawnbroker here in Aus. The laws are the same as people have mentioned here, in that if you report them stolen & provide a police ref to the dealer/broker, they MUST hand them back at no cost. Too late now I know.

But the police would then have an excellent case to charge your ex-friend with various offences. All the evidence they need would be right there. So you'd have that to deal with.

Anyway glad it's over. Now ditch that friend hardcore.

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel

Firstly, this is the most astonishing thing I’ve read on here since the Mexican House Thief. CF doesn’t even cover it.

On a practical note, Does your brother have the original receipt or proof of purchase? Do your shoes have any identifying marks ? You need to gather as much evidence as possible before legal action. The Police won’t be interested in the civil aspect of the dispute ‘The borrowing’ but interested in the Theft aspect/Pawn Shop involvement. I’d take advice about compelling the pawn shop to release the sale agreement to you. You may need this. Your ‘friend’ can hardly argue she did not do this since she has both admitted it and has given you all of the information required to buy them back. SC is easy to do. There is also an option for mediation which would mean a repayment plan is enforceable should you agree to one (and you’d be generous to do so IMO) Worst case scenario, you win by default because predictably she will not reply to the correspondence, you can then request a CCJ and eventually a court appointed Bailiff to extract the Money from her. You may not have to face her in an actual court.

A couple of other thoughts: your home insurance may cover legal disputes so worth checking. Your friendship group sounds nuts. Anyone defending this sort of behaviour is not your friend either. I’d remain dispassionate in your replies to the group chat - They were a wedding gift from your Brother. You only lent them because you trusted her. She sold them illegally without permission. You asked her to get them back. She refused. It is not your fault she has spent the money made from selling your shoes and now owes you the money you had to spend buying back your own possessions. And repeat ad nauseum until they get the message. Maybe they’d only understand if Judge Rinder lays it out for them on TV…!

I’m still open-mouthed by the way. Good luck!

I think the point is that most good friends would offer/want to look after the baby for a few hours, and not expect payment

I read that as OP didn't pay so she took the shoes? Or is it just piecing cheeky fuckery moments together culminating in this act of theft.

I am glad OP got her shoes back and can understand that is her priority but I really think the theft route and making the pawn brokers give them back would have been better. These type of pawn brokers especially in times of recession etc are Fagin's facilitating theft.
But I can totally understand OP just wanting her shoes back. No impetus left on CF to pay up though.

Unbelievable.

Or she can take her to court, win and if the CFer doesn't pay, she'll have a judgement against her which could affect her when she wishes to get a loan, a cc or to rent.

Letting it go is the easy way out and something CFers always hope for when they steal, grift or "borrow".

She absolutely must buy them back for you. Do not let her away with it.

Glad they’re on their way back to you.

did you ignore all of yesterday’s messages?

CF has a mortgage so she'd be unbelievably stupid not to pay and risk a CCJ.

I agree 100%! I do not understand how some of these people can think the OP needs to be Elsa and "Let It Go".

Until a thief is held accountable, they will continue to be a thief. I would make sure all my friends and family know exactly what she did and tell them to please back you up on this and do not help her out ever again. She has betrayed the best friend she could have ever hoped to have and there is no excuse, no dire straights dire enough to just "let it go". Make the grifting, lying, thieving twat waffle pay the piper and maybe she'll actually learn a lesson from this.

Buy them back yourself and then have nothing more to do with her. She is not a friend.

People, 99.9% of them would NOT give someone a pair of shoes that cost hundreds, if not thousands of pounds. There is NOTHING in that note that says, "gift".

Cut her some slack? The thieving grifter has caused her own problems. She has just used the "friends and family ruse" to not have to step up and adult.

You act like the OP is some rich person who can just take the hit. Makes me wonder if you are the CFer.

Excuses like ND are silly and insulting.

This is interesting.
Out of curiosity, what would've happened if the items had been sold on, would the pawn brokers have to track them down or pay back what they sold them in for?
I'm just so glad they're coming back to me!

Yep, I haven't replied to her at all.

Just a lot of messages about what a mess this is / stressing her out / it's my fault.
I haven't replied to a single one!

I wonder if she's realised that she's lost the source of future loans and help? Maybe that's an element of why she's panicking?

I've known people like this. They depend on the person that they victimized to keep quiet because they feel their victim is "soft" and not going to stir up a fuss. They count on it. It's why people shoplift over and over again. They know there is no punishment in reality. Having the police NGAS doesn't help as they all too often DO get away with it.

Letting other people know will save them the grief of being a victim, if some haven't already been a victim. The other thing that tells them apart is they usually start small. A few bucks, some groceries, a gift card, help with a bill, a meal and this that and the other. They play up that everyone knows how difficult they have it. Then it escalates to items like the OP has had stolen. They will actually have the audacity to act as the victim because they feel they laid the story well enough so that people will let it go. Holding them accountable is the ONLY way to get any justice. They will just keep looking for new victims, I mean friends, that they can use, abuse and discard.

"Tell her if the kids are starving she can send them to you and you’ll feed them."

Or sell them

Hah!

The kids are adults so if they are starving they could get jobs.

Well done on not replying!! The CF trying to say it was your fault/ blaming you would have made my blood boil and I would have struggled not to reply … but she wants you to reply so she can play the victim card… well done OP but make sure your mutual friends know so no one else is her next victim/ cash cow