Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Police would most definitely treat this as theft. It is theft. Pawn shops are stuffed full with stolen goods , I call it legalised handling , they always claim not to know

But this is theft , a crime of theft will be generated and a crime number given, the goods than them be prevented from being sold as they are evidence , dealt with same 100s times

Omg!! YANBU!! That is so so so rude! Make sure she buys them back. She will have to find the money for it.

I hope you didn't pay her for babysitting!

I'm pleased you are getting your shoes back OP, but have to admit I am aghast at your friend's behaviour. I wouldn't hold my breath expecting her to pay, but don't let her get away with this. I'm also glad that you are never going to speak to her again. I would also let others know, as she may ever well try this sort of thing again. She has crossed a massive line here, and there is no going back.

Do you have access to anything of hers you could pawn? Could you take her TV into the shop as an alternative?

Omg, please tell me you didn't pay her for the babysitting?

Brazenly sending bank details to a friend

Why on earth would the OP have the CF's TV or anything else?

Go over and discuss and say I'd rather you feed your kids so I'll just pawn your TV....and carry it out?

This is where my mind went.

Yikes!

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and with someone you went out of your way to heIp over and over again. You've now Iearned one of the hardest Iessons of Iife...NEVER Iend what you cannot afford to Iose. I had my own moment of horror, Iearning that one. I think that most of us have.

Fucking hell, that's next level. Go get your shoes back and never see this person again.

Unbelievable cheek.

Glad you're getting them back. I can't believe some people.

The fucking bitch. I’d ignore her and then just text ‘Karma’. Because this absolute scumbag will be down and out sooner than later and begging for help, but as the circle of friends know what she’s done (you absolutely need to tell them) as well as your mum who has helped her in the past, there will be no one to help her out. And word will get around without you having to publicize it. ‘Oh, did you hear? Scumbag pawned OP’s shoes!’ Every few months I’d send her new articles about thefts similar to hers just to fuck with her.

And it’s not that it’s Louboutins, it’s the lack of respect for you. In high school, a friend borrowed my jacket and lost it and she regarded it as an unfortunate incident. I was of the mind that she should replace it because she lost it and she disagreed. About a year later, I somehow had in my possession her boyfriend’s jacket and when she asked for it, I simply said ‘lost it, what do you expect me to do? When you replace my jacket, I’ll replace his🤷‍♀️‘.

Just 😳😳😳

Wtaf?? And now she's trying to goad you?

Wait...do you think she's discovered the shoes have been sold? And doesn't know its you who bought it, so is trying to make you the bad guy before you discover it's sold?

Can you please keep us updated on your progress? I really want to see the outcome for your cf exfriend. I can't believe someone would do that and have the audacity to send you nasty texts.

Same!

I know this isn’t some made up drama and is actually your life OP but I’m genuinely shocked. This ‘friend’ needs to know that this is not fucking okay. Pls update when/if you can

Sorry but did you pay to get your own shoes back and if so, how much? What a horrible woman to put you in this situation, and frankly that’s shit of the shop to charge you when they’re aware it’s stolen property

You're not wrong but I would buy back the shoes myself and cut her off completely.

You need to use this opportunity to finally
get this hopeless sap of energy out of your life.

Oh my goodness. Your friend obviously thought you’d forgotten.
I know someone who is a bit like this but nothing on that scale. The person I know has a bee in her bonnet about people with nice houses and cars. She doesn’t earn very much because she’s not very employable. She drinks and smokes and eats takeaways. She can’t budget. She’s in loads of debt and her parents pay her rent.
She has some kind of undiagnosed problem like ADHD. She can’t bear it when someone has a nice house or car through hard work. If we go out for a group meal people actually listen to her BS and pay her part of the bill. She has stolen from kitties before but people have been too drunk to notice. When there’s a group present, she offers to collect the money and she nicks half of it and buys something shit.
if she picks people up to go somewhere she stops at the petrol station and pretends her card doesn’t work. She then leaves her car at the destination cos she drinks like a fish and makes an excuse when someone has to order her Uber.
she has no shame in making people pay for her. She comes up with “poor me” reasons so people feel guilty. Most people don’t see through her. A few of us do.
your friend has a spending problem or a working problem or ADHD. I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this.

If she’s posted any photos of her in your shoes on social media, you should comment and expose her

This is good, but I'd give her a month to pay if you can and offer a payment plan stating specifically X amount per week, must be paid every week and any failure to pay will result in going straight to small claims.

I'd add that she committed fraud by signing a document to say the shoes where her's when it's very clear they weren't. "Our previous text messages make the status of the shoes as a loan item perfectly clear." Therefore you knowingly committed fraud signing a document that stated that the shoes were yours to sell.

You are completely correct about the month. For some reason (optimism?) I thought when I drafted it that we are still in August 😫And yes, it doesn't hurt to point out that she has committed fraud.