Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Yanbu.

When my DS wanted to sell some old things at a cash converters type place, the sale could only take place with me going along as under 18s weren't allowed, and I had to gove my credit card details before any money was released because if they turned out to be fake or stolen the money advanced would be charged back to my card. Ask the pawnbrokers what steps they take to ensure they aren't receiving stolen goods because if you can prove they are your shoes and you never gave permission for them to be sold then they are still yours. Of course if you report to police and they pursue this as a crime the shoes will be impounded as evidence and it will be years before you get them back, but just asking the right questions could get them returned to you.

I agree with this. Suspect it'll be much easier for OP to retrieve her money from the store by getting a crime number and then either reversing the charges or getting a refund than by going down the small claims route. Probably a whole lot less tedious as well. Let the store deal with reclaiming their money from "froend."

Good you’re getting them back OP!!

I would just keep quiet and get the shoes back from the shop first. If you start marking noise, the shoes might go missing. Just get them back.

Read all your comments OP. Honestly this thread gave me anxiety. What an absolute CF your friend is. Glad you've got the shoes back but tell ALL your social circle and then fuck her right off. And please, for my sake, never lend your shoes to anyone else! I can't stand the stress.😂

How do you know they wont care? It depends how busy they are, I've reported theft before and been told they look into it further if its £200 plus. It will also give her a crime reference number she can relay to the shop

If you can afford to buy them back then I would so you don't lose them.

I'd then set up a repayment agreement for your 'friend'.

That would then be the end of it.

She's just a user.

Please tell me you've told your mutual friends by now - they have every right to know what a lying user she is.

This is insane! The absolute cheek of her!

Exactly this. I am raging on your behalf!

Tough sh!t she can go without and get your shoes back, I can’t believe some people!

Take her to the small claims court.

What an arsehole op.

Take her small claims court!

This might also be useful, if you paid using a credit card, under Section 75 credit card sales of goods act. 🌹

www.financial-ombudsman.org.uk/consumers/complaints-can-help/credit-borrowing-money/goods-services-bought-credit

You’re absolutely within your rights. She sold the shoes and got money for them. Don’t like her emotionally blackmail you. And I would end that friendship fast as.

Once you have YOUR shoes back, please treat us here to a picture of your feet firmly in place. We may raise a cheer.

This adventure has cost you dear in many ways, yet you have taken control & will prevail.

Your so-called friend has lost your friendship & goodwill. You have seen through her guise & grifts, & although this matter has hurt you can let go of her to move on.

Wow that is another level of insanity.

So much wrong with this.
Your 'friend', clearly not a friend.

Even if you had gifted the shoes to her, there's no way I would have sold such a generous gift. You'd have to be pretty bloody desperate and I still wouldn't have dreamt of selling them without a conversation with you first. Claiming she thought they were a gift is pure BS.

Shocking that the pawn shop weren't more keen to undo their mistake. I've never been to or used a pawn shop so no idea about proving ownership etc. Sounds absolutely awful that you're in the situation of needing to buy them back.

I'm glad you've managed to track them down and have them on the way back but obviously awful that it's cost you hundreds of £££.

Good luck getting the money back. Really hope you do without having to go through small claims court. Hopefully the 'friend' has seen the thread and realises how out of order she is and makes a repayment plan very soon. Along with a very heartfelt apology!

(Your brother must be lovely too! What a generous gift.)

Personally I’d buy them back and take her to small claims court for the money. Court fees start from £35 for up to £300 claim, but it’s about 10% of the claim up to £10k and you can claim the court fees back.

Fuck this. Hell to the no. Buy back the shoes so you know you have them and then put in a Money Claim Online against her to get the money back from her! She is not in any way your friend!!!! CF

basically its unlikely theres any chance of her doing that especially if she sold them to begin with.

OMG this is just so awful - you thought so much of that woman that you lent her your precious shoes with such huge sentimental value, in the first place! You are a much more generous woman than I am! I love shoes - don't have anything anywhere near that expensive! - and I would be really loathe to lend them to anyone (except one of my daughters, who has the same size feet, but sparingly lol!)

The CF knew damn well how special those shoes are to you. I wouldn't have taken them from you. I'd have been too afraid of them getting marked or damaged. And that female dog thought she could sell them!!!

So glad you are getting them back but honestly take the gloves off!! Report her to the police or whatever you have to do. She has massively overstepped!

It's a good suggestion to find out where you stand legally. I wouldn't let that see you next Tuesday away with her fraud!

You have to update the thread though! Them's the rules lol!

She can call her lender for a mortgage holiday and live on toast. Trying to make you feel guilty by saying how poor getting YOUR property back will make her.

I'd be tempted to report the theft/fradulent sale to the police as they were NOT hers to sell

I think this goes beyond the normal CF and from cheeky to cunty. She sold them so soon after you loaned them to her as well so it was clearly always her intention to do that and hope that you never asked for them back or if you did she'd do what she's doing now and act the poor little victim. She's a manipulative nasty piece of work. I would bet good money that she's done very similar to others.

I'm honestly do shocked at this. So sorry OP

Is there no thread on which someone doesn’t wheel out neurodiverse as an excuse? It’s actually very insulting to neurodiverse people, the absolute vast majority of whom don’t shamelessly nick stuff they’ve been lent.

Also, if as you suggest she hit rock bottom and was desperate, then irrespective of whether she is ND, you are accepting that she knew what she was doing was wrong. It’s just that you want OP to cut her some slack for her thieving. You can’t have it both ways.