Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Why should the thieving cf get away with not paying? she absolutely has to pay.

Fingers crossed OP that the shoes arrive and in good condition.

I would honestly have gone to the police and reported her for fraud by now.
You are being a lot nicer than I would be, OP!!

Some people, it's bad enough she stole and sold your shoes but not only that she added to it so much even though she had the opportunity to correct it when you first contacted her.

1. Blaming you (if any of my friends give me a pair of hose shoes, I would go are you sure, what if I snap the heel, are you really sure you don't mind me borrowing them etc)
2. Guilt trip you (my kids won't eat)
3. Refusing to tell you how much she even got for them)

I wouldn't let this go. Report Stolen goods and she ends to pay you back everything ot cost you to get them back. I suspect she'll end up offering you the amount they gave her as she's that bloody cheeky.

Have you reported to the police @IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel?

Op this woman is awful I would be making everyone aware

Could she be neurodiverse? To me the message reads, I don’t particularly need those shoes. Obviously she should have confirmed if you want the shoes back.
I see that this is a very difficult situation and it’s great you managed to get your shoes back.

However I would cut her some slack, you said yourself she had hit rock bottom. Who would do such a thing if not desperate ( or misunderstood that the shoes are a gift to her)… Don’t talk to her again, but I don’t think you should call the police.

You might want to report her to her employer, I'm assuming most employers would jave an issue with a thieving fraudster working amongst them.
Obviously we don't know her job, but if there's any possibility of her getting her grubby mitts on anyone else's belongings or manipulating people, she shouldn't be able to do it.

She reads to me as a grifter who has had a nice set up in your friends and family group getting gifts and cash from all of you with her hard luck story.

She is now panicking as she realises she has fucked up and not only will she not be getting anymore money from you, but everyone else you know. So she is desperately trying to blag her way out of it by trying to make you feel bad.

@Zxcrgyh Oh come off it. I have seen some reaches on here but this one takes the piss.
OP, ABSOLUTELY cannot the police. She has stolen hundreds of pounds from you and isn’t even sorry.

I’d put an ambiguous message on the whats app group so she knows that you will tell all if you need to.

Something like
”x, can you transfer me the £x you owe me please. I need it quickly. Thanks”

Just a little bit of public pressure which she can ignore but she will then know you will be communicating further with the group if you need to.

@Zxcrgyh

i think that is a bit of an insult to neurodiverse people. Every neurodiverse person I know knows full well that theft is wrong

This.
Or without having read everything the less nuclear option- and I'm not a lawyer- email the pawnshop and explain the situation, with screenshot of message.
Request that the shoes are not sold.

Dear X
It’s very clear from my texts that these shoes were a loan and you had no right to sell them. I have had to buy them back at £x. If you consider yourself my friend and want to be a decent person I would appreciate if you paid me back.

The Police won’t care. You’ll be seen as a bit of a gossip if you go round telling everyone. Leave the ball in her court. End the friendship either way.

Do you think she will pay up? Is it likely to stress you out trying to get the money back?

From here on in, and communication with CF needs to be factual and emotionless (even though you don't feel that way inside) her telling you you've overcomplicated things is laughable, I would reply 'Things were perfectly simple until you sold my designer shoes, I have managed to buy them back for £X, would you like to pay me back in one go? Or split it into three payments?

Oh, I meant to add, the Police won't really do anything other than give you a crime reference number, so it would be fruitless to involve them. You could tell her you will go through small claims court to get your money back though?

Op, I am disgusted by your former friends behaviour. Glad that you have purchased the shoes back.

Name and shame, although she clearly has no shame. Tell your brother and all other friends and family what she has done, and as soon as possible.

She will begin a campaign of damage control, aimed at making you look bad, I can guarantee it. You are the victim here, don't give her any opportunity to control the narrative.

I'd also not respond to her multiple messages, don't engage, let her stew

I would buy them back (as you have) but not tell her so that she has to tell you they are sold & has to give you the money directly. If she knows you have them back I doubt she will make any effort anyway but at least she might squirm a bit when she can't get them back!

I cannot believe the neck on her!!

I don't think OP would be seen as a gossip. My belief is that the CF will have gone to numerous people and grifting off all of them. I'm sure she's played the "don't tell X about this but I need Y".

OP isn't the gossip because this isn't something trivial, these were priceless items of sentimental value. Even if the CF was completely unaware of how precious the shoes were it isn't an excuse.

I've also been completely down on my luck and at one point I lived in a homeless hostel, even at that point I wouldn't have sold items that didn't belong to me.

If it's going to cost 100's to get them back, I'd take her small claims court.

You didnt say you have shoes she could have, you said you had shoes she could wear as you didnt need them for the time being. That indicates that you expected them back.

Yep. She is a grifter who was foolish enough not to consider the future results of her actions. She'll, hopefully, find the pool of those kind and trusting souls happy to help her decreasing as more people become aware of how she treats those who are generous to her. 🌹

Op - how badly do you want the shoes? If loads, id buy them back as she wont. Or shame her somehow. Id just be panicked someone will buy them and you wont get them!!!

Don’t bother with a letter, just message her, short and sweet. ‘Send me the money or I’ll take you to Small Claims and inform the police of the theft’ even if you aren’t going to do anything.

She’s already has.

This 💯
Take her to small claims if she doesnt pay. Save all the evidence of conversations. Hands down best option.