Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Yes, she has took advantage of your kindness. sorry this has happened Op

Shocking!

I wouldn't trust her to stick to a repayment plan either.

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel Re not having proof of ownership except for your wedding photos, does your brother have proof of purchase? The receipt would be ideal, but I would imagine a bank statement or credit card bill showing the transaction would probably be sufficient proof. Sorry if someone has already suggested this.

And your text message is really clear that you were only lending them to her, because you only said you wouldn't need them "for the time being".

Jesus, with friends like that, who needs enemies!

Oh, and I agree with the small claims court suggestion, and police, of course.

Brilliant letters from PPs too.

The absolute cheek!

Good luck x

The stress is self induced as a result of her scummy actions.

Do not pander to the manipulation, if you soften even slightly she will never reimburse you.

Capitalise on her alleged stress and make it very clear there will be consequences if she has not paid you by X date.

Does she know that you've repurchased them? I'm assuming given she's claiming you've 'overcomplicated it' she does - but if she doesn't - don't tell her. Let her sweat it out thinking they've gone until you get your letter etc sorted.

You are over-complicating things? Amazing.

People are just getting dumber and dumber, I swear! What a CF! I am so sorry, OP, with friends like her, who needs enemies? 🙄

I am happy you are getting your shoes back - especially that they have such a beautiful emotional value.

Please don't let her get away with it - she's not a friend and what she did is theft. Her not being able to feed her children is unfortunate, but not your problem.

"If she agrees to a repayment plan she'll have to be sending the CF threatening letters every month until it's all paid back."

No she wouldn't. Only one letter needed, now, to offer a repayment plan.
The friend can refuse to pay now, in which case OP pursues the criminal theft route.
Or friend agrees to repayment plan now. If friend defaults on any payment OP pursues through small claims court.

I’m so glad you’ve got them back but can’t believe the brass neck of your CF friend! 😮

I would ignore her messages for now, but make sure you keep them….

Tell all of your friendship group what she has done. Before she gets a chance to twist things. Be brief but factual…ie just giving you a heads up etc…. Once your friends know, I’m sure CF will find herself on her own

Then I would message one more time…. Telling her how angry you are and the amount she owes you. Don’t bother with payment plans, she can find something else to pawn to get your cash… and add that if she doesn’t appear with the full amount by x then you will be reporting it to the police.

Her kids aren’t babies they are old enough to fund their own lifestyles. If she needed to borrow shoes to go out she had money…. Don’t back down and be prepared to log it with the police.

Of course the pawn shop would have paid her considerably less than they charged you. By all means do what you can to get the money back from her, but don’t let the pawn shop off the hook. That’s why they wouldn’t tell you how much they paid her — they have still profited from her theft.

You are such a good friend. The fact you lent her something so dear to you in the first place speaks volumes. I never would have. What a bitch.

That sounds about right!

God, I really hope a tabloid picks this one up.

The awful thing is that if she told you she needed the money, you would probably have helped her.

What she did was so low, (she must have known they meant a lot to you) and then lied on top of it saying she thought you ‘gave’ them to her.

Make sure in your message to family/friends you say that she took your property, a wedding gift from your brother, and sold it for hundreds of pounds, don’t just say ‘shoes’.
All the best and I hope you are ok.

I'm so happy you are getting them back. I would tell everyone the facts about this.

I would also chase her for the money. You probably will not get it.

She is trying to blame you for your reasonable reaction to her theft.

She will find out how cold life is without your support.

This , I don’t trust her to get them back

I'm not sure how you should tell your friends, but I think if she's a long-term family friend, you should tell your mother & brother a shorter version of your first post @IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel

I want to warn you about how X has just treated me. I lent her those amazing shoes you gave me for my wedding day DB, for a special event, as I knew she couldn't afford anything herself. I asked for them back last week, and I've discovered that she sold them to a pawn shop & lied to me that I had given them to her. It's OK - I have the shoes back safe & sound (I had to buy them back) but please don't believe anything she says. It's really sad as she's a life-long family friend & I know we've all helped her over the years, but this is just to warn you, I am having nothing more to do with her.

Sorry posted too soon I was just so mad on your behalf . Hope they are back safely with you soon .as you have messages and proof send her the invoice and threaten small claims court ( it’s so easy to do ) don’t let her get away with this .

She is a thief and stole your shoes. Have no more to do with her.

Reframe this - she stole your shoes and sold them

i would never forgive this - it’s disgusting and absolutely get the money back from her the friendship is dead but make her pay

⬆️ this. You have nothing to lose with the friendship.

If the 100s you have had to sadly pay out again for your own shoes don't totally leave you skint, personally I would just put it down to experience, tell her how disgusted and disappointed you are in her, let her know that you will no longer be helping her out and cut all ties, it's cost you but better to cut her off before she takes the piss anymore or takes advantage again.

She is a scruffy, thieving rat.

I'd do everything to recover the money, mainly because I'd be utterly raging mad.

And I'd definitely be making sure the friendship group knew everything too.

I'm glad you got your shoes back OP but sadly I don't think you'll get your money.

Your friend is a CF and even if she thought you'd given her the shoes a decent person would have checked with you if okay to sell on as she's struggling etc. the truth is she knew it wasn't okay but then I wonder what her plan was when you asked for them back!

So many excellent responses on here.

OP, you need to reframe this when you speak to friends and family. You need to be the one playing the victim, talk about how much it's stressing you out, how much you've been hurt so that she doesn't get the chance to. I also think you need to state that you believe she may have done this to other people. I think this will be her unravelling and this will be the tip of the CF iceberg.