DH thinks best friend is a freeloader because of facebook

[Notanotherhousepost]

Firstly I want to say, money is not the issue. We are more than comfortable. We have also always had joint finances - everything goes into a joint pot.

So, BF - lets call her Jane, works for the NHS as a band 4 - used to be a band 6 but when her job ended the best she could get was a 4. She's late 50s and works in admin.

Her outgoings are greater than her incomings even before food - her mother helps her out each month.

Most of her friends, including me, are a lot better off. I live the opposite end of the country from her. If she comes to visit I pay her train tickets and cover the cost of anything we do including food and drink. She literally can'f afford it.

Other friends will take her to gigs etc

DH has a massive issue with her because (1) he doesn't believe you should get help from people to the extent she does and (2) she never posts on facebook the way he thinks she should.

She'llpost about going to XYZ gig or going out for the day but does not say "thank you to notanotherhousepost for buying me the ticket"

Or"thank you to my other mate for getting me the ticket to XYZ"

Frankly I couldn't care less and she always sends a thank you note. But apparently she should be making it clear she can only do these things because people pay for her.

I just don't get it - I don't understand even vaguely where he's coming from.

He's just being an uppity C.U.N.T just for sake of it. You aren't hurting for money, amd she isn't emotionally blackmailing you for it either. He just doesn't like that you have a good friendship with someone he doesn't like and is trying to use the money aspect to try drive a wedge between you.
I would be horrified to even think of suggesting to one of my friends or relatives that they should plaster it on Facebook how they have funded certain trips etc. What's it got to do with anyone on their social media where the pennies have come from? It's degrading.

Why does she need to put that all on facebook? Weird idea. I keep a lot of personal details off social media. People knowing your financial situation is nothing to do with facebook posts. As long as she says thank you in person.

Why do you think it's weird to share what you've been doing on Facebook? What do you think it's for?

I'd assume the op and her husband have joint bank account, so all money goes into one pot.

So, the money being spent in the friend is from joint income.

I guess one way round this, if he resents the money being spent on the friend, is that you each have some 'pin' money from the joint account to spend on yourself. The money you decide to spend on treating the friend would then come from your pot of 'treat' money rather than his, or the joint money.

How much, on average, do you spend on the friend over a year?

I don't understand the, she is portraying a lifestyle that she isn't living, comments.
She isn't standing in front of a green screen pretending to be at a gig or on holiday. She is actually attending these events therefore actually living that lifestyle. How it is funded is nobody's business except hers and the friends whom have paid. It doesn't matter if she begs, borrows or steals or lays flat on her back charging £100 an hour. She is still living that lifestyle. It's not fake just because she isn't paying for it.

@Poorlittleoldme - this guy would have a shock with 'influencers' - plenty of whom fail to mention on every post that their trips are 100% fully funded

@Notanotherhousepost May I suggest he gets a life, not the interfere in yours

@MistressoftheDarkSide what great posts. Maybe people need to look at the old saying that 'there but for the grace of god' - we seem to have a ton of people who think the dog eat dog of 'the Apprentice' is actually the way to be.

The big problem in this country and particularly in the southern half of the country is a total lack of affordable housing- be it private rented or to buy . I don't think many folks who own realise that just getting private rented isn't that easy- they work on a 'computer says no' mentality- and lots of money 'up front' - which is why we end up with people in very desparate situations and unable to move and also why many 'rush in' to live in situations with partners who prove to be incredibly unsuitable.

So your fella who earns less than you but has a joint account with you, thinks it's unreasonable for your friend to receive charity 🤔

Double standards much?

If I was in a situation where I could afford to look after my friends if they were having a rough time financially then I'd do it happily. Unless you think they are taking the Mick. But it doesn't sound like it, and I'm sure she knows how lucky she is to have such caring friends. After all isn't that what family and friends are for? To look after each other when then chips are down. Shame on your fella for saying she should declare the gifts on Facebook/social media. She is surely entitled to some pride.

Thanks for being a good friend

She really needs to try and earn some more money. Is she a qualified nurse ? Can't she get some bank shifts ?
Although I don't agree she needs to thank you publicly.

She really needs to try and earn some more money.

Don't we all.

She doesn't, though. She's covering her bills. Her arrangement with her mother is between them; it's one way she's got everything covered. The gigs etc are treats and OP is very happy to pay. Jane doesn't expect it or manipulate OP for it.

She doesn't need to earn more. Her life works fine. If something goes belly up, she'll deal with it like she had to when she lost her higher paying job.

It's just that some people have an issue with her enjoying a lifestyle that she doesn't 100% fund herself. And how many women on here do exactly the same?

Frankly wanting people to know how generous you are is crude. Charity should be done gracefully and silently. I disagree with your OH entirely.

It isn’t a fake life though. She has a life where pPeople give her gifts. She musT be a wonderful woman to inspire such generosity. Surely what she does is the same as themanypeople who show off presents they have been given on Facebook.