DH thinks best friend is a freeloader because of facebook

[Notanotherhousepost]

Firstly I want to say, money is not the issue. We are more than comfortable. We have also always had joint finances - everything goes into a joint pot.

So, BF - lets call her Jane, works for the NHS as a band 4 - used to be a band 6 but when her job ended the best she could get was a 4. She's late 50s and works in admin.

Her outgoings are greater than her incomings even before food - her mother helps her out each month.

Most of her friends, including me, are a lot better off. I live the opposite end of the country from her. If she comes to visit I pay her train tickets and cover the cost of anything we do including food and drink. She literally can'f afford it.

Other friends will take her to gigs etc

DH has a massive issue with her because (1) he doesn't believe you should get help from people to the extent she does and (2) she never posts on facebook the way he thinks she should.

She'llpost about going to XYZ gig or going out for the day but does not say "thank you to notanotherhousepost for buying me the ticket"

Or"thank you to my other mate for getting me the ticket to XYZ"

Frankly I couldn't care less and she always sends a thank you note. But apparently she should be making it clear she can only do these things because people pay for her.

I just don't get it - I don't understand even vaguely where he's coming from.

This.

Its like expecting her to grovel in public.

She is grateful to you in private and you don't feel she's overstepping the bounds. So it sounds mutually beneficial and you don't feel taken advantage of.

She can put what she wants on facebook.

In fact, she is thanking you again if she is putting up pictures of a nice day out. It would sound crass to say and thank you to OP without whom none of this would be possible. If I read that I would think she felt obliged by you to say it.

Yep. I do. I know a ponce when I hear about one

Ouch. Viscious.

Why would she be lying when they can google just as easy as you did?

But your only evidence that she's a ponce is the fact that you have a relative who you hate for doing completely different things. You even admitted earlier that there's nothing to suggest OP's friend looks down her nose at anyone.

And frankly I don't even trust your judgement about your relative either, since you've proven about 12 times now that you make judgements based on completely irrelevant stuff.

Aren't you just a lovely person. Bet you're just a joy to have around.

Read their other posts too. They are actually amazing.

Why would she be lying when they can google just as easy as you did?

Because her friends might trust her and not do that, plus it's trying it on to see if she can get what she wants. She has played down what she earns a month a little to sound worse than it is.

What is with people on this thread declaring as fact things for which they have absolutely no evidence?

I could have googled it if I could be arsed. But I couldn't.

When did I say it was a relative? I didn’t because it isn’t. I think you just fancy a row. I’ve stated my opinion. You can’t leave it alone

@Ramalangadingdong I am very sorry that someone else’s good fortune (op’s and her friend’s) upsets you so much.

Doesn't upset me at all. I'm just saying I wouldn't accept it. That's all.

Hmm I don't think there's anything wrong with helping people who are less fortunate in some sense you could just see it as the cost of having fun doing X activity with a good friend.

I feel like I wouldn't care about Facebook posts and think its a bit shit if DF had to keep saying i had a great time at X thanks Y! as its nobody else's business and she thanks you in private, but I think if I really thought inwardly I think I may eventually get annoyed that she's portraying her life as something it isn't.

And that was my original point exactly. The portrayal of a fake life paid for by other people. Thank you.

They might trust her for good reason. Because they know her and know that she's genuine.

Definitely a him problem, not a her or a you problem.

Shes not asking or angling for invites.
She is acknowledging the generosity of her friends in an appropriate way.
She seems to be doing her best to reciprocate within her means.

He just doesn't like her and probably, really dislikes people getting things he doesn't think they deserve. Which makes him a bit cunty really, that he thinks she should publically grovel her thanks every time... yuck.

My sister can be a bit like that - I have a lot of generous friends, who will offer to help me if necessary/if they want to. I will also ask if I need to (for help, not for funsies type stuff!). She is very much of the opinion one should not ask for help, one should not accept generosity if one cannot reciprocate EXACTLY the same...

(Though this does not extend to family and she absolutely will ask me to do stuff she will not return the favour for or would not do for me!).

I don't think she should have to say who has paid for her ticket but then again I know some people see posting on Facebook as showing off and so maybe your DH thinks she's showing off her lifestyle that she's not actually paying for herself and I kind of see his point especially as I know people compare themselves to others on Facebook and wonder why they can't afford all this stuff.

Oh sorry, yes, it's just "someone you know".

That is definitely the salient point of the discussion!

You know someone you don't like because she does things OP's friend doesn't do. That's your opinion. I guess we all know what they say about opinions.

What do “they” say?

"Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone's got one."

God there are some mean spirited posters on here!

😂😂

Omg you lucky thing 😯 I can’t even afford entrance fee to soft play this weekend. Your life must be so easy and stress free. What's that like?!?! 😆

Wouldn't really care about the FB thing but she does sound a little bit like a freeloader so I am with your DH on that! Once or twice is fine but routinely having other people pay for everything? Nope, live within your means and sadly that means having to miss out on stuff sometimes.

If I wanted a friend to visit me and they couldn't afford the train fare (and I could) - I'd gladly pay for it like the Op does.

I'd be upset if my friend got all stupidly proud or refused out of fear that judgemental twonks might think they were a freeloader.

I'd also be embarrassed if they plastered their gratitude all over social media.