School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

Are they expecting an upfront lump sum for the whole class ie:£220 pp if you'd spend a tenner on each child?

My DS got 15 small boxes of lego one yr and i was very relieved when another mum suggested cash in future. However as adults we were all perfectly capable of tucking a five or ten in a card and did not need this to be managed by a Mum-in-Chief on our behalf Some people just jump at the chance to organise anything and perhaps establish a status in the group ? I would just ignore this and if pushed for a reply just say thanks but you like to give directly so will pop money in card.

I don’t know if there is a kids equivalent but when people post about this with adults it seems to result in the money being spent on the collectors MLM products or something that comes with a voucher or free gifts that the collector keeps. I hope the parents get the money and it isn’t the busy body buying what suits/benefits her. Buying with her credit card for points and paying it off with the cash maybe?

At that age kids love opening presents. Its a huge excitement for them. Cash is fine for teenagers but little ones need to be tearing wrapping paper off.

Just say 'call me old fashioned but I like the process of choosing presents for my Xs friends. Therefore I'm going to opt out of this'

Just say I'll pop the money in a card, it's also nice for the birthday child to open their cards and presents etc.

She sounds like a bossy boots, there's always one....

Just say a present or cash in a card is the usual way in your older child's class when you're invited to a party. Is the money for a class present or just money that goes into mum's bank account? I'd be concerned that the mum organising this will keep some of the money. Same with collections for a teacher's present. My dd is nowhere near school age but these threads on school mums make me a bit nervous.

Ok, you've got years of this to come...I speak from bitter experience..put some boundaries in place now. You've got a parent, trying to position themself as Queen Bee. It's the school playground all over again unfortunately. Boundaries!!!!

Wait til a couple of the kids have a falling out, you will need to mute the group then 🎆

Maintain a polite and respectful distance from the utter nonsense to come.

We often do big presents for my primary aged kids and their friends... All the parents (those who want to participate) give a bit of money and then the parent of the child whose birthday it it goes and buys a big present - typically a big lego, or craft thing or game or something. The kids still get something to open, parents don't have to rush around buying gifts (there are parties every weekend at the moment in DD's class), and you don't get doubles of the same gift. That said, sometimes the kids prefer to not have a big present - DD last year asked to have little presents, this year we're doing little presents and her friends are contributing to a big lego set she would like.

But I've never heard of one parent doing this for all kids. That's just weird.

Just to add, that there is always no obligation. Some parents and/or their children prefer to buy an individual gift, and that's also cool.

No. Awful. It's going to be hard going against what everyone else is doing, but you may find you're not the only one who doesn't want to go along with it. I imagine it's so that little Tommy's parents can buy him something big with the money rather than him having loads of crap presents. But still. It's not right to dictate to others.

I worked somewhere where someone took it upon herself to organise the buying of stuff, e.g stationery, and was found to be creaming off from each sale. So she would buy something for e.g. £5 and charge the firm £8. It was only discovered when she left and the new person found an invoice and approached the suppliers. Everyone, including the boss, had trusted her as she worked in the boss's office.

I think there will be a few people who think this is a great idea, some will say yes having not thought about it, some will think WTF and not comment, some will not have an opinion but when presented with the reality, may not agree and there will be people like yourself who are sitting in silence..

What you described assumes that all kids will be invited to all parties. With 22 kids in the class, this is a huge number of parties. Are you at a private school?

At some stage during primary, kids like to have more expensive presents rather than a large volume of presents and in some cases it makes sense to have a large present instead of several small ones. What can work when parents and children know each other well is for the parent to share present ideas and where those presents are expensive, for one of the group to offer to collect money to buy a joint present.

However, to have one parent, collect and distribute money for all birthdays for all children, is perfectly weird.

Oh that is so sad….. at that age they simply love opening up presents, regardless of what is inside them.

I think this also puts pressure on some parents who may be struggling financially - as they will then feel forced to ‘donate’ more than they might usually spend. A few years ago I really struggled to put food on the table let alone buy presents, but we would always turn up with a gift for whoever’s party we went to - even if it was a very small gift with perhaps some chocolate and sweets added to the bag to ‘bulk up’ the gift

I think I’d have to say to the group that perhaps for your child you would prefer them to receive gifts from their friends, you never know you might not be the only one feeling this way and it might just be the start of other parents speaking up too

Give them cash in 2p/20p coins so kids can spend it at arcades

We don't give presents unless it's one of their bestfriends or there's a birthday party. How grabby and assuming to think someone would want to spend on 30 kids they don't know.

Would love the cash aspect, but would go back with…. Thanks, but I’ll just pop it into a card each time.
im sure everyone will follow suit

Are you scared to say you don’t like the idea? Why not just text and say oh I like the present idea and so does my child?

The principle is alright - it's Evie's birthday next week, instead of 20 random presents, let's each give £5 and then she can have something she really wants for £100. Fine. But in your case, OP, it seems as though money is being collected rather more randomly than that. It sounds quite a lot to organise and there is a lot of scope for money not ending up where intended.

Yeah I agree... We don't do teachers birthdays unless a big 30 or something special.... But I was just thinking that may be the thing in some schools and would only be once a year not 30 times a year!!!

Exactly! what about parents that can't afford it. Very grabby IMO

Yes! This! It's just one daft idea that you don't have to sign up to.

No need to overthink it, or explain yourself, just say at the first opportunity thanks but we'll sort ourselves out, or something similarly vague. Add a smiley face if you like.

Yes, was just about to say this.

What a waste of time transferring money for each birthday.

Just say no-one gives presents. So much better for environment and time saving.

Thats so odd. I wouldn't contribute to that either, it's a recipe for disaster. I would only ever buy a gift if my child was invited to a party. And what happens when one of the children's parents decides not to have a whole class party (mine are 8 and 11) and have never had a whole class party. Would all parents still be happy to contribute? I will steer clear and mute the WhatsApp group!

Yeah I wonder if she's sticking it into a high interest savings account. Or she's short on cash for a week and use it to tie her over until she can pay it back.

This is odd. I would gift money just to family or a close friend. If it is for a child I would expect the money to end up in their savings account or something similar. For classmates I have never spent more than £15 for a gift . I wouldn't take part ,they would get a proper gift or a gift-card . Also,how ridiculous that the amount given is disclosed to everyone...very rude!