Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mums asking for money

497 replies

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:23

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

OP posts:
BooAutumniscoming · 28/09/2023 08:51

Our DCs class has a fiver limit which means they mostly end up with lots of cards with fivers in them.

What is happening with your DCs class would be better if there was a limit set.

Malarandras · 28/09/2023 08:53

When someone says something daft on my daughter’s class parents chat I just completely ignore it and do my own thing. Works every time.

ChristmasKraken · 28/09/2023 08:59

The other thing with doing this that feels wrong to me, is that I've always felt the giving of a gift/card helps children to learn social etiquette. So they learn early on that it's polite to acknowledge your friend's birthday, and that you bring at least a card when you go to a party. And helping to choose the gift, write the card etc is all good learning.

Arav123 · 28/09/2023 08:59

our school have done this for my sons and his friends birthdays for the last few years and find it takes the stress out of it, no one tallies who pays what...up to the individual, all contributors names go on a card, child can choose to receive cash, voucher or one larger gift rather than lots of smaller similar gifts....that said...we didn't start until around age 7/8....earlier than that the more gifts to open the better in the child's opinion!

Fundays12 · 28/09/2023 09:01

I have 3 kids and my oldest is 11 and this is odd. I have never heard of it before. My older 2 kids have parties a couple of and have been given lots of cards with £5 or £10 in it (the close friends tended to give £10). He also got gifts. Everything was appreciated. I have often given money to.

I wouldn't participate in this nor would I think kids would enjoy it. My kids love opening cards and gifts. We have all sorts from money to colouring books and pens to Pokémon cards and Lego.

I would replying saying thanks for the kind offer but DC likes to help write the card and put money in it so we will do it ourselves.

Also be wary these busy body parents tend to get worse not better as the kids get older. Things I have seen include self appointing themselves to lead things in parent organised group events (fine if they ask others that are expected to contribute time and money there thoughts in advance but that rarely happens or they ask there other 1 or 2 " self appointed organiser" friends who agree with it everything they arrange), asking for money for X and Y which they then gather and present, asking for sponsors for there kids doing X or Y to help the school fund trips despite the fact parents are already having to contribute towards these trips anyway , getting offended when other parents don't show the same enthusiasm for the stuff they "kindly" arranged (none of which other parents or kids really wanted or asked for)

Do yourself a favour now step back and don't get overly involved.

Tryingmybestadhd · 28/09/2023 09:02

I actually do not agree with this at all . Part of the birthday parties fun for the birthday kid is the gifts . How do you know where that money will be spend ? Plus it teaches our children that buying gifts is good too , my daughter always picks the presents and learned getting something others love is great too .
Just say sorry my child loves to pick up presents to give to others so we can I’ll gift individually

Fundays12 · 28/09/2023 09:03

Malarandras · 28/09/2023 08:53

When someone says something daft on my daughter’s class parents chat I just completely ignore it and do my own thing. Works every time.

This is the other option I take. Ignore and continue to ignore (it's a a favoured avenue of a lot of parents)

namechangeluckylady · 28/09/2023 09:07

Should be the class rep collecting money and should go in to a PayPal or something similar set up for that specific purpose.

Not just a random mum collecting in her bank account.

Vermin · 28/09/2023 09:12

I remember a similar WhatsApp request over a class mother’s 40th birthday present. The eager collector of cash asked for £50 / head but inevitably it turned out that her contribution was the collection of the cash and it was arranged so that she presented the gift without contributing.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 28/09/2023 09:15

Don't feed this nonsense by saying 'good plan' or 'lovely idea' or anything.

Either ignore or respond 'we would rather give a personal gift so please don't include me in this, thank you'.

Fallingthroughclouds · 28/09/2023 09:19

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:29

Thank you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Everyone and I mean everyone is replying saying “amazing idea” and love hearts. I’m so fed up of them already and I’ve known them 3 weeks! Reception is nothing like I pictured sadly.

Edited

Yeah bloody weird. Would put me right off too. Cash in cards is a better idea but not sure a 4 year old is going to be excited about that. The pile of presents is all part of the joy, for the givers to. Why take that away from them. Lazy sods.

LuluBlakey1 · 28/09/2023 09:19

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:29

Thank you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Everyone and I mean everyone is replying saying “amazing idea” and love hearts. I’m so fed up of them already and I’ve known them 3 weeks! Reception is nothing like I pictured sadly.

Edited

Avoid WhatsApp groups.

Taketurn · 28/09/2023 09:20

Thank goodness I've not been added to any watsapp groups. Winning.

GigiAnnna · 28/09/2023 09:21

I never pay in to this sort of stuff, always preferred to do my own thing. The main mum who takes it upon herself to do it makes hints on the class whatsapp for those who haven't paid but has never directly said anything to me. If she ever does I'll just tell her it's not my thing. There's too many teachers and assistants as I've got more than one child and I prefer to do a small gift that's less than the money she's asking for.

Bertiesmum3 · 28/09/2023 09:21

We used to only buy gifts for the child when they had a party and my child was going, is this a collection so every child in the class gets something regardless if they have a party or not?
Also not every child gets invited to every party, how would it work?

Sdpbody · 28/09/2023 09:22

We do this at our school and it works really well.

Instead of 30 £5/8/10 presents, we transfer to one mum (it changes each time) and they will buy a big present or lots of things the child would like. My daughter has just had £130 collected and we are using it to buy her a bike. So, on her birthday, she will open the bike and know it was from all of her friends. You only donate if you go to the party, or you want too. There is never any judgement if you dont.

I don't have the space for 30 small presents that take up tonnes of room, and the children never have time to play with them.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 28/09/2023 09:30

The mum who suggested it, when is her child’s birthday? Is it one of the first coming? I wonder if this will stop once she’s had their birthday so they benefit and no one else does. I’d worry that people would transfer say total of £200 for a child’s birthday but she only sends the child £100 and secretly keeps the rest. I don’t like her intentions.

I’d just say thanks but we’ll sort ourselves out.

Cincinnatus · 28/09/2023 09:33

I hate the school WhatsApp group. Can’t wait for my youngest to leave primary next year. It all stopped when my eldest started secondary school.

Do not get involved in anything. I only look at it occasionally to see if there are any reminders. I don’t volunteer/donate money/donate items etc. I do not care.

littlefireseverywhere · 28/09/2023 09:33

What if when it comes to your Dd birthday she just wants to take a friend out and not have a party for 20? Very odd.

JustAMinutePleass · 28/09/2023 09:36

I think this is odd and wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this. I imagine she’s doing this because SHE needs money for her child’s birthday - and when someone is that desperate you can’t really trust them to be honest.

Hoolahoophop · 28/09/2023 09:44

Half a good idea. £5 each max for people who want to contribute. One person collects, speaks to the parent of the child, asks what they would like and buys one or two big wanted quality presents. Means the child gets good gifts, only one parents has to do the buying and everyone is happy. Those who don't want to contribute do their own thing. Card just has the names of all the school friends who contributed. By the end of reception this arrangement saves so much time and money!

Winter2020 · 28/09/2023 09:45

The first birthday party will show how utterly weird it is when the kid has no presents! I wouldn’t be surprised if some buy a present on top as they don’t want to arrive empty handed.

It is so weird I wouldn’t be surprised if the money goes missing in a flurry of drama.

Just say ‘Thank you but I think we’ll do our own thing - I wouldn’t want to arrive at the party empty handed” that might get the cogs turning for others about how this will pan out.

Winter2020 · 28/09/2023 09:48

Sdpbody · 28/09/2023 09:22

We do this at our school and it works really well.

Instead of 30 £5/8/10 presents, we transfer to one mum (it changes each time) and they will buy a big present or lots of things the child would like. My daughter has just had £130 collected and we are using it to buy her a bike. So, on her birthday, she will open the bike and know it was from all of her friends. You only donate if you go to the party, or you want too. There is never any judgement if you dont.

I don't have the space for 30 small presents that take up tonnes of room, and the children never have time to play with them.

I like the idea a lot more if the convention is to give to the birthday childs parent say at least one week before. (Don’t like the idea of the same busy body doing everybodys as in the OP).

Alwaysfreeolives · 28/09/2023 09:49

We used to have collections in Primary but there would be a set amount and a present would be bought with the money by the person doing the collection after discussion with the birthday child’s mum . This with my DS2 - suggestion was from a lady who was on DD4 . It worked , but the person doing the collection was a volunteer each time

MimiGC · 28/09/2023 09:51

Awful idea, no way I would have joined in with that. Kids that age like opening presents and choosing something they know a friend would like. There might be whole class parties now, a few weeks into Reception, when no one really knows each other yet, but that won't last throughout school. Just say no - you'll probably find others agree with you.