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Original poster

School mums asking for money

497 replies

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:23

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

OP posts:
Munchingaway · 28/09/2023 17:09

Guessing all those love hearts are a sign of everyone being lovey lovey and not wanting to rock the boat in their new school.
I wouldn’t be doing this, far to controlling. My kids like to chose presents or at least have a say themselves. Plus what 4/5 yr old wants to be given an envelope of money for their birthday or an IOU😳

PeopleAreWeird · 28/09/2023 17:13

Thats weird

A present and only if your child is invited to their party

Tiredandgrumpy31 · 28/09/2023 17:13

Definitely either ignore or send a message saying your dc likes to buy their own gift for friends etc.

I will never forget the happiness and excitement on my dd’s face when she sat opening her presents after her 5th birthday party. It didn’t matter whether it was a bag of sweets, a colouring book, a card with money or something bigger, the excitement was the same. One envelope of cash or a bank transfer just isn’t the same.
I have found typically it is parents who would prefer the cash and not ‘30 lots of tat’ - most kids are incredibly happy with tat at that age!
Also, my kids have always written thank you notes. I can see that being foregone and instead just a mum sending a blanket thank you message on a whats app group. In the end the children learn nothing about the joy of giving or showing gratitude for receiving gifts.

MarshmellowMoon · 28/09/2023 17:14

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

instantick · 28/09/2023 17:22

i just dont think buying or giving a gift to the other kids is even plausable like get them a card and a packet of sweets or something small from the charity shop this is why i will not be in with the school moms..if my kids dont get invited to parties then thats ok at our school we all used to just give sweets out for bdays. maybe break the ice and say we are in a cost of living crisis i cant afford it.

Streamorwatchlive · 28/09/2023 17:24

So what happens when it’s a child’s birthday and their parent hasn’t contributed? Do they get nothing.

just ignore it it’ll die out soon when everyone realises it doesn’t work

Milkand2sugarsplease · 28/09/2023 17:25

So everyone starts off all gung ho giving however much money and by the time you get to May/June they're pissed off with it an only sticking half the amount they started off putting in.

Why is transferring the money to one mum who has too much time on her hands and easier than sticking 5/10 quid in a card? At least everyone has the option of cash in a card or little present then.

pleasehelpwi3 · 28/09/2023 17:28

Madness

PinkFootstool · 28/09/2023 17:28

Sod that. By the sounds of it, you don't all know each other yet. I'd not trust a random person with that much money.

Even £2 per child per birthday adds up to £42 per parent for 21 other kids, across 21 parents paying her she'll rake in £882....

Sounds like a great piece of grifting if you ask me. Each kid will probably see a £1 piece of tat for the first few birthdays, then there'll be nothing and everyone will be encouraged to let it go - if they even ask about it that it.

pleasehelpwi3 · 28/09/2023 17:28

Pyramid scheme as well

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 17:32

What if you can't afford to give what they might regard as adequate?

Kat126 · 28/09/2023 17:36

Sure it’s already been said but many would probably breathe a sigh of relief if you spoke up on the group and said you’ll be buying gifts.

Four and five year olds?! Buying gifts is a lovely opportunity to teach them about generosity, friendship and what it means to be thoughtful, when they take a little time to pick out something their friend would like. With cash, they’d probably think their folks bought them something else. If it’s even spent on a gift and not entirely saved. (We do encourage our little one to save some of her birthday money she gets from her grandmother but also buy something they really want to.)

CFs…

Ibizamumof4 · 28/09/2023 17:36

This is weird definitely no no would only buy for parties and the admin for 30 kids is mad

Kat126 · 28/09/2023 17:41

Mammma91 · 28/09/2023 11:27

I wouldn’t like this either. I will put money in a card if I haven’t had the opportunity to go buy a small gift, but I prefer to hand over a preset. I imagine a child would feel a bit put out if no one shows up with a present?! My DS age 4 certainly doesn’t give a shit about money. Someone put a tenner in his birthday card and he handed it to me in the same hand as his rubbish. Hand him over a £7 bit of tat from the works and he’s all over it lol

😂 My godson is 3 and doesn’t understand money and tried ripping up a note. He always sees his mum using her phone to pay with Apple Pay. This is probably why he asks for toys as if money grows on trees…

Four and five year olds are too young to fully appreciate the gift of cash, in my opinion.

Redwinestillfine · 28/09/2023 17:48

Tell school op. They will send an email and put a stop to it. No-one will know it's you but they will crack down as they are very aware of impacts of cost of living atm

Neverwatchedgameofthrones · 28/09/2023 17:55

If everyone is invited to all the parties and everyone gives the same amount of money to each child....it's just the same money going around? You might as well agree no one ever gets any?

What's the point?

Anniekits · 28/09/2023 18:08

This is open to all sorts of abuse. Once money is transferred how do you know where it is and how much they actually give. It's a big fat no from me.

Hayliebells · 28/09/2023 18:11

What a weirdo. And poor kids not getting any presents to open!

StaySpicy · 28/09/2023 18:13

No way in hell I'd be paying a random parent £10 two or three times a month with absolutely no way of checking that my money has gone where it's supposed to.

sebanna · 28/09/2023 18:19

So one mother will get 21 sets of bank details. What happens if she doesn't give all the money collected to the birth child? Would anyone know the full total donated?

LyndaSnellsSniff · 28/09/2023 18:23

Nope, that's definitely not ok. There is no benefit whatsoever in this and my immediate thought is that the person suggesting it has nefarious intentions.

ChateauMargaux · 28/09/2023 18:27

My kids loved getting bits of tat that I would never dream of buying for them!!

WimbyAce · 28/09/2023 18:28

Money for children's birthdays? No way would I be doing that. Just seems pointless as kid ends up just getting a chunk of money. May as well give nothing at all.

Magnoliasunrise · 28/09/2023 18:29

This got suggested at my DD's school years ago and she was heartbroken when I told her she might not be able to choose and take a nice wrapped present to a party so I just said "count us out" and as far as I know the idea fizzled out. As they got older though I did think it would be easier for DD to get cash than 25 smiggle pencil cases😂.