School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

I agree if I wanted to give cash I’d give it in a card and say ‘I’ll just put it in a card!’ X

Well its less work for the parents, but pretty joyless for the kids! Parties with no presents to open? Yikes.

As others have said - just send a message saying you're going to do presents and leave it at that.

Weirdest thing ever! You would only buy a present if you went to the party and even then it's not mandatory. Sorry you've ended up with a duff school year, that's not normal

Yes weird. Even as teens my kids really like to pick specific gifts for friends and hand them over- surely that’s the whole joy of present giving and something to encourage.

Actually it's probably a scam. Like why does it need collecting right now. Someone is skint and came up with a genius plan

My DC starts reception next year!
so not yet experienced the playground politics. And oh god I dread it!

but this sounds so odd to me for a few reasons..

Firstly it assumes that all the class will be invited to the party, (I’d only buy a gift to take to a party)
So far the birthday parties we’ve had have been for about 12 children, not 30+

Also would this not be odd also for children outside of school, my son’s third birthday we had a few from nursery a few from NCT and a few family children.
Planning similar for DS 4th.

I’d also only spend about £5-7 ish on a birthday gift, but also look out for bargains discounted things like puzzles games etc to store up in case of a party invite. Perhaps this makes me cheap though!

Op- I agree with others responses, politely decline and take a gift or put money in a card!
I agree with others saying the central collection thing is dodgy. Especially as you’ve only known these people 3 weeks.

P.S I’d also not be offended if my son didn’t receive a gift from a party invitee, people can’t always afford it and I’m more pleased that they’ve taken the time to show up!

My tip for school whatsapp groups is to lurk, for the info and then do your own thing. Many many many people ignore the WhatsApp group going by my kids schools!

@Nesquik1 I think it's really common at reception age to do whole-class parties. It will last a few years before they start doing smaller things.
Just don't engage with the conversation and do your own thing regards presents. They are just being over-enthusiastic😏

I'm a miserable sort, I buy presents of around £5 so something like a small monster truck or an art book or a schleich figure. I've been around a few years and would be highly suspicious someone volunteering to manage money with that level of enthusiasm would be pocketing some of it.

People are probably going along with it because they want to fit in and are too scared to be the one to say no. You all give the mum £200 worth of cash and she gives bday child £150 how is anyone to know? I often say things like aw great idea but I’ve already bought a gift. As this is an ongoing thing pp said about pooping the money in the card which I think is a good reply and sure others will follow.

I read about a £5 party could be a good idea - the friends/ their parents give birthday child a card with a £5 note in, child can then go to a toy store and pick their own toy. £5 isn’t a lot but when there are a few parents it adds up and works out cheaper than all parents buying something. It also means the child starts to learn the value of money etc. so in this sense money is a great gift.

transferring to the mum would ruin the fun of them getting to count it etc. also does seem a bit weird the way she is doing it. I’d personally say I’d rather give cash in a card purely because she sounds controlling!

I wouldn't be in a school WhatsApp group. Problem solved!

Years ago I arranged a collection for a specific child, in a specific situation, to buy him a specific present that he desperately wanted.
However, a class collection, even worse a "traceable" collection, for every kids party would be a big "no" from me. In general, kids live their party gifts, and I don't agree with pressuring parents for money, in that way.

I agree. There's no law you have to get involved with all the shit that goes with primary school.

The cons of this idea -

1 - So, you have a party for your dc, but have to invite the whole class.

2 - You have a party, but don’t invite the whole class, but those not invited still have to gift your dc anyway.

3 - You don’t have a party, but still get the same gift, you would have got when
having a party.

4 - You opt out, but have a party. Nobody brings a gift, as they thought that they had already given money for your dc.

5 - person who volunteered to collect money, gets fed up of doing so (or does it until their dc’s birthday) and the collecting just fizzles out.

Plus, depending on whether you give all the cash up front, or give cash just prior to child’s birthday.

6 - Cash given just prior to birthday….Person whose child has a birthday in October, gets cash gift from other 21 parents, then leaves or decides that she isn’t putting in anymore money.

Hopefully not this one -
7 - All cash given up front……Volunteer gets mixed up. June/July comes along and the cash given has run out (because every child received cash, whether their parent opted in or out), so whether you have a party or not, your dc doesn’t get anything.

Yes, great idea…what could possibly go wrong….

That's completely weird.

I'd just send a message saying 'We prefer to handle this the more traditional way, thanks.' and not enter into any further discussion.

Absolutely would not be joining that. For one you've just met the se people who's to say she won't pocket some of the money. Secondly, virtual money to the parents bank account means nothing to the child and the child likely won't see any of it. 3rd if they want money for the child that's fine set a 5 or less amount for the children and pop or in a card! Be brave and say no, some will follow

I'd have hated this when mine were little. I used to stockpile gifts throughout the year when I say them offer so a Lego set worth £15 might only cost me £8. I wouldn't like to be dictated to.

When I go to hell it will be an eternity of shit like this.

New mums wanting to fit in?
Organiser mum is queen bee type and no one wants to go against her?

I don't think it's an awful idea, if you have a class party then a child gets 29 gifts which is crazy really, and more often than not they are stuff that the kid won't play with. If everyone chips in a fiver for some smyths vouchers that the kid can spend on something they really want then I don't see what's wrong with that.

It's very short sighted. There will be parties where not everyone is invited. What if you're only having 5 kids? Will that be collected via WhatsApp?

Sorry, I haven't read this whole thread, but having one person organise for everyone seems really odd.

When my DS started his new school last year, he was invited to a joint birthday party by two boys in his year and their mum's told me that they were organising collections for a joint gift rather than everyone buying separate gifts. It seemed odd, but I agreed and dutifully paid cash into the Collection Pots. Since then loads of other parents have done it, and a few weeks ago I did the same thing for my own son.

I think it is a great idea so long as it is voluntary. My son got to buy an amazing gift that was actually much more expensive than anything we bought him, and we avoided having to deal with loads of small presents that he wasn't interested in, probably had been bought without much thought and just fill the house with more c**p!

Until I organised a Collection Pot for my son, I didn't realise the downside that I got to see exactly how much everybody contributed, and I think that puts pressure on people to be even more generous than perhaps they would normally be. Many of the contributions were very, very generous. On the one that meant my son could choose something amazing for his birthday, but I would hate to think that people felt pressured to contribute more than they could afford.

And I think suggestion at the OP's school, that one person keeps a record of everyone's contribution to each gift, will make that a million times worse. That list will get out. People will know that you gave more to one than to another, or that you gave less to one child than their parents gave to yours.

I think it sounds a nightmare. The joint gift thing is I think a good idea so long as it is voluntary, but let each parent organise their own and maybe agree a spending limit.

Nah that’s very weird. Of course take a small present to a party but more than that is mad

That’s definitely odd (though they probably think they’re being really helpful to be fair). I ‘held’ the collection for teachers’ gifts last year and felt weird about knowing what people add in. It also made the other mums feel weird as they kept asking if it was enough (it wasn’t for me to judge). I would just reply saying ‘great idea, though xx likes to choose gifts for friends so I think we’ll opt out this time’