Excluded from work event

[Onionbhajisandwich]

Female colleagues all went out for dinner last night. I was the only one excluded. We’ve all worked together for a long time. This last year I’ve found work and relationships with some difficult personalities within my workplace a challenge.

I wasn’t supposed to know about the event. I found out by accident. A member of management was also there and also happy to keep me in the dark.

AIBU to be really hurt??

I need to leave don’t I?

There are so many jobs around at the moment.

Get on linkedin, indeed, total jobs, glass door etc.

Life is too short to be unhappy at work!!!

I don't think it is classed as a social event if everyone except one person in the team is invited unless things in Ireland are different. When I was working in Ireland this happened and the guidance was that it counts as a work event if everyone bar one or two is included.
OP - I'm so sorry this happened. I'd be really hurt too and the manager should have spoken out. It's completely unacceptable.

not the same happened to me in school-was told its not bullying people can be friends with whoever they want to-accept that we were a small class i was the only girl the others didnt talk to

its not nice and adults should know bloody better

I wouldn't, far too people-y!

It sucks but I don't think it warrants a complaint to hr unless it was an official work event. I didn't get invited to a work night out a few weeks ago despite working closely and getting on with everyone because 1 particular colleague doesn't like me. I know she doesn't like me, I don't know why which is a shame as I actually quite like her. In fact I'd place her in my top 10 of colleagues but it's become clear out of the 63 of us that work together I'm her 63rd favourite!
Just remember you aren't everyone's cup of tea but your someone's shot of tequila!

sorry to digress but this is such an odd picture, why have they each got two glasses? why is she wearing an oodie?

But everyone bar one was not the situation. None of the men went. So many colleagues weren’t invited.

Look. When you resort to being offensive you lose the argument. The bottom line was multiple colleagues were not invited. This was not one person wasn’t invited. Yes she’s the only woman not invited but plenty of other folks weren’t invited.

There is no hr issue here. You can’t say to the women you can’t have a night out together unless you invite every woman. It’s utterly ridiculous to suggest it.

Are you trying to be nasty/clever here horse?
Have you had a few difficulties with your own HR?..
You're of course the much better person calling people 'deranged'.

Are you trying to be witty?

It's just a comment on management and HR types. The nature of the job. You can tell me that people in management and HR are generally well-liked for their great people skills, but you would be lying.

It's funny because in real life, if you ask people if they think rubbish management and HR are a common experience, they'll laugh and say of course. On here, it's apparently a rarity.

They kept their night out a secret and didn’t intend for OP to find out. Surely it’s only bullying by exclusion if the social gathering was openly discussed in the office and OP was openly left out of the event?

Sounds like that’s how she found out - she said it was by accident.

That’s so hurtful. Dreadful bunch of humans!

I believe its best to keep work relationships professional. When I was younger I used to try to make friends but it usually ended up with me getting dragged into drama of some sort. I work in a female dominated sector and its more challenging if you don't keep professional boundaries. I have one close friend who I work with but we were friends before she got a job beside me. I'm not at work to make friends, I am pleasant to everyone and attend official all team nights out but I don't socialise with colleagues beyond that. Work life is much easier if you don't get too involved. It took me a good few years to figure that out. I don't see the friends that I already have as much as I'd like to and I spend all week with my colleagues so my free time is best spent with others!

Agree with @NosinaBook . Best to keep out of it.

They don’t sound like they are worth even thinking about. Keep your head held high. Not nice people. It’s doesn’t take much to invite the only female left in the department.

This really. Some will have the grace to squirm, others may not be bothered but maybe should be.

Why would you lower yourself by being a passive-aggressive twat?All you'd accomplish is validating why these people don't want to socialise with you.

If you're not friends why should they invite you on a night out. It's not in work time, it has nothing to do with work.

I'm so glad I don't have to work with someone like you.

I would terminate the employment of any employee that tried to get another employee fired. In fact, I have.

Is what she actually said.

You can really tell who were the 'mean girls' at school, can't you?

You deserve better Op. please look for a new job asap

Yes, but it was in response to someone sharing a story about a colleague being excluded from a social event. So there was context.

There are numerous ways to try to get someone fired and some are cleverer and more manipulative than others.

This. Being petty as retaliation helps nothing.