Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be profoundly saddened by this story

615 replies

Changeditforyou · 27/09/2023 13:28

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12565699/Police-rush-scene-incident-outside-busy-Croydon-shopping-centre.html

They tell us to help our daughters to protect themselves from male violence by thinking about what they wear, how much they drink, how late to stay out, where they go…
Are we supposed to add to the list ‘not rejecting a bunch of flowers in case you get stabbed to death’. This is horrifying.

I’m so so sick of male violence. It feels everywhere and inescapable. More luck than anything that your daughter isn’t the one. This poor girl and her family.

Teenage boy stabbed girl, 15, to death with 'a machete after argument'

Met Police officers rushed to Wellesley Road outside the Whitgift shopping centre. Paramedics battled to save the 15-year-old's life but she was pronounced dead at the scene.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12565699/Police-rush-scene-incident-outside-busy-Croydon-shopping-centre.html

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Sunshinenrain · 27/09/2023 16:44

My daughter was being hit by a boy (both tweens) everyday.
I spoke to head teacher (male) in front of my daughter and he asked her if she thought the boy might have feelings for her with a coy smile. The headteacher said that

Apparently girls were always told that if a boy hits you it means he likes you, so as they got older and were being hit by their husbands, they would have it ingrained in them that he was doing it out of love.

There are so many women (many who’ve posted on MN) who make excuses for men who treat them poorly and/or hit them.
If someone at work hit you it would be a massive deal but for some reason they make excuses because it’s their DH.

I do wonder how many of these women were told as a child, if a boy hits you it’s because he likes you.

eurochick · 27/09/2023 16:44

I am horrified by this. I live not a million miles away and friends' kids go to Croydon school. That poor girl and her family. What has the world come to where a teenage lovers' tiff ends in murder?

Fuckthatguy · 27/09/2023 16:45

I agree the UK (and many other countries) judiciary doesn’t give a fuck about women, and that’s apparent if you examine family court proceedings and employment tribunals involving workplace sexual harassment.

Lifeomars · 27/09/2023 16:48

mathanxiety · 27/09/2023 15:03

This isn't about Croydon.

It's about men mistaking women for property.

Totally agree, so many males see women as objects that are there for them to possess and if they can't possess them then they seem to think they are free to destroy them.

LakeTiticaca · 27/09/2023 16:49

The sad thing is this violent little thug will be treated like royalty by the authorities. It will be all about HIS rights. He is unlikely to be named unless the Judge lifts restrictions and will receive less jail time being tried as a juvenile
Hope he rots in eternal hell

Sunshinenrain · 27/09/2023 16:49

Fuckthatguy · 27/09/2023 16:39

@Sunshinenrain No.

Like another poster asked, what do you mean by this, ‘Yes they broke up and she didn’t want to get back with him but she may have changed her mind in a few weeks time. Now he’s got no chance.’

I didn’t see that post.

And exactly what I said:

They had broken up and he wanted to get back together but she didn’t and so instead of waiting and trying to show her what a good boy he is and someone who can make her happy etc, he chose to kill her.

There was a chance that she may have changed her mind and they’d live happily ever after.

But he didn’t want to take that risk because there was a chance that she wouldn’t get back with him and would get with someone else.

So he would rather she die than risk her not being with him.

That sort of mindset is extremely disturbing to me.

Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 27/09/2023 16:51

I live in this area. Always went to Croydon as a child to look around shops. Too dangerous to go there now. Just large, loud groups of kids outside all the shops.

Nope333 · 27/09/2023 16:51

I saw this unfolding this morning and knew it was something very serious from the sheer amount of emergency vehicles arriving (I was across the road I didn’t see the incident).

I never thought It would be something so disturbing (lived in croydon area since birth so hearing of incidents is common sadly) I can’t stop thinking about it really is upsetting.

ilovebrie8 · 27/09/2023 16:52

what i am stunned about is that he was carrying a machete?! is he also a Whitgift pupil?

ShortnStout87 · 27/09/2023 16:52

All you have to do is look at 3 of the top stories on the BBC the Croydon stabbing, Wootton and Fox and their disgusting comments and the Spanish coach to tell you how the state we live in views women as objects. It feels like it is everywhere and nothing is being done about it.

neveradullmoment99 · 27/09/2023 16:52

Changeditforyou · 27/09/2023 15:45

Jesus I hadn’t thought it of it like that, sends chills down my spine.
Doesn’t this actually perfectly sum up men’s attitude towards us though

er no!
Not all men are like that. Stop with this anti men nonsense

Illegallyblonder · 27/09/2023 16:52

I've just read this headline, this is so so awful. Poor poor girl and her family.

Saschka · 27/09/2023 16:53

BrokenButNotFinished · 27/09/2023 14:32

Why do we need to know about her school fees?? Is there a narrative being peddled here that she thought herself too good for him (since it isn't clear he went to the same school)...?? It has to be her fault somehow. 🤨

I assumed he was at the same school actually, and the intended message from saying she was at private school was that a) this wasn’t a gang things, and b) even “nice MC” kids aren’t safe from knife crime.

Sunnyeggyp · 27/09/2023 16:53

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/09/2023 14:37

This is simply awful. It does not matter what she did, she did not deserve to be stabbed. We really need to start looking at our youth and how we can help them with their emotions and cognitive processing. Especially our boys. There is a massive problem brewing, we need to get out heads out the sand. This issue transcends race or class - there are too many cases of boys/men being violent and/ killing girls/women.

Yes ! Road rage, sexism and aggressive Andrew Tate style behaviour is becoming more common. How are we getting it so wrong with our sons ?

neveradullmoment99 · 27/09/2023 16:53

My son is gentle, kind, empathetic and considerate at 15.

frustratednomad · 27/09/2023 16:55

I just can't get my head around the fact he was carrying a bunch of flowers and a machette, obviously planning what to do if she said no.

Why do men/boys think women/girls must always do whatever it takes to keep the males happy? We spend so much time telling our girls what to do to try and keep safe but what are we teaching our boys and what has made them so violent?

That poor girl had the right to say no and not be killed for saying it.

JoanThursday1972 · 27/09/2023 16:55

MrsMarzetti · 27/09/2023 16:13

I watched a documentary last night about the murder of Alice Ruggles in 2016, she was murdered by a ex boyfriend because she wouldn't take him back even though he was the one that had cheated throughout the relationship. I was furious that a man killed an innocent woman because she wouldn't accept his awful behaviour and as a Mother of Sons i asked myself what are we doing wrong in the way we raise our sons. Is it because we women work and do the vast majority of household chore and childcare that they see us as "staff" or is it that they see the male role as far more important because they see their fathers sitting on their arses after work like Kings while us woman run after them ? Is it that many sons don't have a male role model. All through the night i shifted from anger to deep sadness. Now today brings the awful, unacceptable and downright Evil murder of a young girl on her way to school by what seems to be an ex boyfriend. I really don't know what needs to happen in our society before our Government, Judges and Police officers get of their backsides and stop this happening.
What i do know is that us women and girls need to take to the streets of every city in the land and demand something is done. Please let today be the turning point.

In the ensuing weeks he bombarded Alice with phone calls, voice messages, texts and emails. Some were pleading; others were aggressive and threatening. He also contacted her family and friends. In one message he stated he was not used to being denied what belonged to him.

This is from The Alice Ruggles Trust website.

Everyhow · 27/09/2023 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/09/2023 16:56

This is heartbreaking. I'm sat watching DD same age , just in from school, passing about on her phone and thinking maybe this poor girl did something similar before she left home this morning. Maybe had a chat with her mum. Said goodbye. Can you imagine never having them walk back through that door again? Flowers

And yes agree that while crime and knives are a huge fucking issue among our kids and young people and something has to change, there is no denying the casualness of the process going through this boys head before he murdered her. She takes me back or I kill her. And he did.

He thought her life was his to end or continue as long as she obeyed.

NAMALT buy far too many men and boys still see women as something to own.

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 27/09/2023 16:57

Saschka · 27/09/2023 16:53

I assumed he was at the same school actually, and the intended message from saying she was at private school was that a) this wasn’t a gang things, and b) even “nice MC” kids aren’t safe from knife crime.

He won't have been at the same school as it's a girls only school. I think DCs and I are going to go lay some flowers once it opens up again, there but for the grace of God . . .

SofiYol · 27/09/2023 16:57

There are just no words for this.

Itsokay2020 · 27/09/2023 16:57

Absolutely heartbreaking, it truly is.

Sadly the perpetrators of these heinous crimes are all too often disaffected youths, with chaotic home lives, dubious role models, a lack of aspiration, vulnerable to exploitation by gangs, often live on the edge of criminality, impoverished, wrapped up in being ‘respected’ and place no value on the life of a fellow human being. Desensitised by violent video games from a young age, raised in a home with no boundaries or expectations, and often a lack of love and affection. They have little to lose and often a stint behind bars gives them a sense of belonging and routine.

Until parenting is considered a privilege, a responsibility and parents are held to account for their child actions until they reach at least 18, things won’t change.

As for what is happening in London, on a daily basis, most of the hideous crimes go unreported. It doesn’t suit Sadiq Kahn’s agenda, and let’s face it he is seemingly more interested in saving lives by ‘cleaning’ the air in the city by charging people £12.50 to go about their normal lives in vehicles they cannot afford to replace. Never mind the victims of knife crime, those that live are likely to need ongoing NHS care, particularly those whose bowels and other major organs are targeted in attacks in an attempt to disable and bring shame and embarrassment upon the victim. Clean air is the least of their worries.

Sunnyeggyp · 27/09/2023 16:59

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/09/2023 16:56

This is heartbreaking. I'm sat watching DD same age , just in from school, passing about on her phone and thinking maybe this poor girl did something similar before she left home this morning. Maybe had a chat with her mum. Said goodbye. Can you imagine never having them walk back through that door again? Flowers

And yes agree that while crime and knives are a huge fucking issue among our kids and young people and something has to change, there is no denying the casualness of the process going through this boys head before he murdered her. She takes me back or I kill her. And he did.

He thought her life was his to end or continue as long as she obeyed.

NAMALT buy far too many men and boys still see women as something to own.

What is NAMALT please ?

KeepTheTempo · 27/09/2023 17:00

MadamWhiteleigh · 27/09/2023 15:10

Because it implies she is white and privileged and therefore this is a story more worthy of our attention than if she were poor and black.

That’s the Mail for you.

It's valuable to share the school fees (and I say this as a parent of mixed race, comprehensive-educated children) because the parents of the white and privileged have been able to dismiss these issues as not really affecting them, and therefore not worthy of their attention.

It's shit that it's happening this way, but I'd rather harness racism and classism to help my kids than have us all pretend they don't exist but nothing be done about the problem.

Leafstamp · 27/09/2023 17:00

NAMALT = Not All Men Are Like That